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    Not Thinking Inside The Box

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (This takes place when people still primarily use VCRs. A customer comes in, rents three tapes, and leaves. He comes back in the store, very upset.)

    Customer: “You rented me the wrong size tapes!” *slams three video boxes onto the counter*

    Me: “Sir, we only carry VHS tapes. Did you get a BetaMax?”

    Customer: “I know what a VHS is! But, these don’t fit!”

    Me: “Okay, let me check them.”

    Customer: “Go ahead, try to put them in your machine!”

    (I take the first box, open it, and begin to insert it into the front of the VCR.)

    Customer: “Oh, you mean you have to take them out of the box first?”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
    Not Thinking Outside The Box

    Saw The Wrong Dust

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “Is this movie one of those violent ones?”

    (Customer shows me a copy of ‘Stardust’.)

    Me: “No sir, that’s a family fantasy movie.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought Sawdust was violent and gory?”

    Me: “Sir you’re think of the ‘Saw’ movies. You have a copy of ‘Stardust’, which is completely different.”

    Customer: “I was looking for something really disturbing and violent.”

    Me: “Well ‘Stardust’ has a scene with Robert De Niro in a dress doing the can-can.”

    (Customer mulls this over for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “I think you’d better show me where those ‘Saw’ movies are.”

    Clearly Not The Better (Or Smarter) Half

    | Memphis, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like to rent Mr. Hoople Oople.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m not familiar with that one. Is it a comedy or drama? Our movies are alphabetical, so I’m sure I can help you locate it.”

    Customer: “It’s a music video.”

    (I take him over to the music and concert section. Nothing of that sort is found.)

    Me: “Hmm, is that the name of the band or the venue?”

    Customer: “No, it’s a movie. Mr. Hoople Ooople.”

    Me: “No, I’m not showing anything by that name. We have a book over here that we can look up movies by actor or actress.”

    Customer: “Richard Dreyfuss was in it.”

    (I find nothing.)

    Me: “Sir, maybe we don’t carry this film.”

    Customer: “You do, my wife called and you said you had it!”

    (I check with the other counter clerks. One of them looks confused but a light goes off in his head, and he goes and grabs a box off of the shelf.)

    Customer: “See? I told you! Mr. Hoople Ooople!”

    (The customer holds up a box which says “Mr. Holland’s Opus.” He checks out.)

    Co-Worker: “I’d have had no idea what he was talking about either, but his wife called an hour ago and asked about it…with the right name, of course.”

    When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK |

    Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of Watchmen*

    Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Five.”

    Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

    Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

    Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

    Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”

    Jokes From Down Under Are Just Too Alien

    | Bremerton, WA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Have you seen District 9?”

    Me: “Yes, I have. Do have questions about it?”

    Caller: “Is this some sort of Australian joke?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “All this movie has been is interviews with government people and aliens wearing brassieres! Am I watching some weird special feature or is this some kind of Australian joke?”

    Me: “Well, the movie is in a documentary style and that definitely sounds like the beginning of the movie. If you want, you can come down to the store and exchange it for no charge.”

    Caller: “Thank you very much. Those Australians have a weird sense of humor, man. I should know…I used to be married to a Brit and they’re strange, too!”

    Me: “All right, sir you have a good night.”

    Caller: “OK. I will put in a decent movie now which is not an Australian joke.”

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