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    A Complete Avatard

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any copies of that new Avatar movie?”

    Me: “Sorry it looks like it’s not available anywhere right now. I could call you when a copy comes in if you like.”

    Customer: “You didn’t check the back room. Do you have any there?”

    Me: “No, we don’t keep movies in the back. Company policy says we have to have all available copies on the shelf.”

    Customer: “So, why don’t you have any on the shelf?”

    Me: “Because we’re all checked out. There are none present at this store or any other in this area. It’s an extremely popular movie since it just came out a few days ago. We have no more copies at any nearby store.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, they all got checked out by other people.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** did you let them do that? What kind of video store lets people just take whatever movie they want?!”

    (D)efinitely (V)ery (D)umb

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just rented me this movie, and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It keeps playing the same scene over and over again.”

    Me: “The same scene keeps playing?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it has these words written on it. ‘Play’, ‘Scene Selection’, ‘Language’ and ‘Special Features’.”

    Me: “Uh, sir, that’s the DVD menu. You just have to click ‘Play’ and the movie will start.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard of that. How do I do that?”

    Me: “Uh, just hit the arrow buttons on your remote until you get to ‘Play’, then hit ‘Enter’ and the movie will start. Or, if you have a ‘Play’ button, just hit that.”

    Customer: “OK, where is that on my remote?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what your remote looks like.”

    Customer: “Never mind, I found it. OK, I’m clicking ‘Play’. Well now it just went black! Oh, now it has something different. Can you stay on the line with me for a little to make sure that scene doesn’t start repeating again?”

    The Point Of No Return

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You charged my credit card forty five dollars. Can I get a refund?”

    (I pull up his account.)

    Me: “Okay. I see that you rented two movies that were never returned and you were charged the sale price of the movies.”

    Customer: “Well, I was on vacation and I forgot to return them on time.”

    Me:“Let me go check the shelves for them; it’s possible that they didn’t get checked in properly. If I find them I can put a credit on your account that you can use whenever you’re in the store next.”

    Customer: “I didn’t return them.”

    (It’s been over two months since the movies were originally due.)

    Me:“You didn’t return them?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    Me:“Sir, you would like me to pay you for renting movies and never bringing them back?”

    Customer: “Uh huh.”

    Me: “I’m not going to do that.”

    Customer: “Okay…I just thought I’d ask.”

    Not Thinking Inside The Box

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (This takes place when people still primarily use VCRs. A customer comes in, rents three tapes, and leaves. He comes back in the store, very upset.)

    Customer: “You rented me the wrong size tapes!” *slams three video boxes onto the counter*

    Me: “Sir, we only carry VHS tapes. Did you get a BetaMax?”

    Customer: “I know what a VHS is! But, these don’t fit!”

    Me: “Okay, let me check them.”

    Customer: “Go ahead, try to put them in your machine!”

    (I take the first box, open it, and begin to insert it into the front of the VCR.)

    Customer: “Oh, you mean you have to take them out of the box first?”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
    Not Thinking Outside The Box

    Saw The Wrong Dust

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “Is this movie one of those violent ones?”

    (Customer shows me a copy of ‘Stardust’.)

    Me: “No sir, that’s a family fantasy movie.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought Sawdust was violent and gory?”

    Me: “Sir you’re think of the ‘Saw’ movies. You have a copy of ‘Stardust’, which is completely different.”

    Customer: “I was looking for something really disturbing and violent.”

    Me: “Well ‘Stardust’ has a scene with Robert De Niro in a dress doing the can-can.”

    (Customer mulls this over for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “I think you’d better show me where those ‘Saw’ movies are.”

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