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    Shouldn’t Have Rented Conspiracy Theory

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”

    Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”

    Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”

    Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”

    Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”

    Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”

    Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”

    Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”

    Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*

    It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

    Son: “I want both of these movies!”

    Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

    Son: “God! Mom you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

    Me, to mother: “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your first born in payment.”

    Pre-Cog Movie-Log

    | MI, USA |

    Me: “The computer is showing you have a late balance of $5.60.”

    Customer: “What? My movie was on time!”

    Me: “Looks like it was two days late.”

    Customer: “But I just returned it today!”

    Me: “Yes, it was a five day rental. It was due two days ago.”

    Customer: “But I rented it Thursday! It should have been due today!”

    Me: “You actually rented it last Tuesday, exactly one week ago. For the confusion, I can remove your late charge for you this time. Just be a little more careful in the future.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! You rented me my movie on the wrong day! You rented my movie early!”

    Me: “You’re saying that I was able to predict what you wanted two days in advance, entered it in the computer, and you came in two days later to get it and pay for it?”

    Customer: “That’s exactly what I’m saying! You rented my movie early!”

    This Spells Disaster

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me find a movie? Your system confuses me.”

    Me: “The alphabet?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Never Judge A DVD By Its Cover

    | USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hey, what movie did that other customer just turn in?”

    Me:Book of Eli. Would you like to rent it?”

    Customer: “A book? No, I don’t want no book. I hate reading!”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. Book of Eli is the title of the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t like books.”

    Customer’s friend: “It’s not a book, it’s a movie.”

    Customer: “Well, I bet it’s based on a book, and I hate books!”

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