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    It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

    Son: “I want both of these movies!”

    Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

    Son: “God! Mom you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

    Me, to mother: “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your first born in payment.”

    Pre-Cog Movie-Log

    | MI, USA |

    Me: “The computer is showing you have a late balance of $5.60.”

    Customer: “What? My movie was on time!”

    Me: “Looks like it was two days late.”

    Customer: “But I just returned it today!”

    Me: “Yes, it was a five day rental. It was due two days ago.”

    Customer: “But I rented it Thursday! It should have been due today!”

    Me: “You actually rented it last Tuesday, exactly one week ago. For the confusion, I can remove your late charge for you this time. Just be a little more careful in the future.”

    Customer: “That’s impossible! You rented me my movie on the wrong day! You rented my movie early!”

    Me: “You’re saying that I was able to predict what you wanted two days in advance, entered it in the computer, and you came in two days later to get it and pay for it?”

    Customer: “That’s exactly what I’m saying! You rented my movie early!”

    This Spells Disaster

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me find a movie? Your system confuses me.”

    Me: “The alphabet?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Never Judge A DVD By Its Cover

    | USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hey, what movie did that other customer just turn in?”

    Me:Book of Eli. Would you like to rent it?”

    Customer: “A book? No, I don’t want no book. I hate reading!”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. Book of Eli is the title of the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t like books.”

    Customer’s friend: “It’s not a book, it’s a movie.”

    Customer: “Well, I bet it’s based on a book, and I hate books!”

    Kids Movies Cost An Arm And A Leg

    | Estonia | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (A mother and her young daughter approach the counter. She puts down Princess Mononoke and begins to get out her card.

    Me: “I’d just like to point out while this is an excellent movie, it’s probably
    something you’d be uncomfortable with your daughter watching.”

    Customer: “Why? It’s just a princess cartoon!”

    Me: “It’s actually quite violent, it deals with a lot of complex subjects, and has scenes with realistic sword fights, there’s several dismemberments in the first few minutes. But I can recommend several other movies by the same animation studio that both of you could enjoy.”

    Customer: *slightly taken aback* “Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea, I wouldn’t want her to be scared.”

    Customer’s daughter: *to me* “What’s a dismem-peppermint?”

    Customer: “Don’t answer that!”

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