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    The Other Other Woman

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Spouses & Partners

    (A couple, about mid-30s, comes up to the counter. The man has an account, but no card or ID on him. Her name is apparently on the account, though. Asking for his name, I pull up his account. As she’s fishing in her purse for ID, I look at his account. There are two women’s names on the account.)

    Me: “Ah, so you must be [first female's first name]?”

    (Suddenly, the wife fires off a hateful look at her husband.)

    Wife, to husband: “I thought you took your ex-wife’s name off the account!”

    Me: “Oh geez, I’m sorry. He probably just added you, not realizing her name was still on there. You must be [second female's first name].”

    (She gives me an ice cold stare.)

    Wife: “NO, I’M NOT!” *storms out*

    Him: “Well, guess these are for me, then.” *rents the movies and leaves, blushing redder than an apple*

    An Eye For An Eye Makes For Great Box Office Numbers

    | Westmont, NJ, USA |

    (A customer comes to the counter with the video box for “Gandhi”.)

    Customer: “Have you seen this?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s a good movie.”

    Customer: “What’s it about?”

    Me: “It’s about the peace activist Mahatma Gandhi.”

    Customer: *excited* “So there’s lots of shooting and stuff? *gestures like he’s firing a machine gun*

    Me: “No, not really.”

    Customer:*disappointed* “Oh, well…I’ll get it anyway.”

    Also In Sync, In Demand, In Stock, And In Waves

    | Rice Lake, WI, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

    Caller #1: “How much is it to rent a movie?”

    Me: “It all depends. Which one were you thinking of?”

    Caller #1:Insidious.”

    Me: “That’d be $3.96. That’s with tax.”

    Caller #1: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

    (About thirty seconds passes before the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

    Caller #2: “How much is it to rent Insidious?”

    Me: “That’s gonna be $3.96, with tax.”

    Caller #2: “Okay, how much is that?”

    Me: “That’s the price. $3.96.”

    (There’s about ten seconds of silence before I ask if anyone’s there. I hang up after no response. Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name].”

    Caller #3: “Hey, how much is it to rent Insidious with tax?”

    Me: “$3.96.”

    Caller #3: “Okay, thanks. We’ll be right in!”

    Me: *confused*

    Shouldn’t Have Rented Conspiracy Theory

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [online movie rental]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m having a problem with my account. I think I may have uncovered a serious conspiracy to keep me from getting movies!”

    Me: “That’s definitely not good. I’d love to take a look at your account. May I have your name please?”

    Caller: “I’d better not give you my name. They may be listening now. I’d rather make this as anonymous as possible.”

    Me: “That’s fine. What’s going on?”

    Caller: “My postman will only pick up my movies every three days unless I put a dollar in each return envelope. I’m afraid you guys are paying them to do this!”

    Me: “I can assure you we want you renting movies. That’s what we’re in business for. Have you tried returning your movies from another location?”

    Caller: “When I do that, it takes even longer for them to get picked up! I’ve been staying up until midnight to put my movies in my mailbox so the postman can’t see. I was out last night, and I slipped on some wet leaves! I said to myself, ‘Why am I living like this?’ So, I thought I should call you.”

    Me: “Sir, if you’re concerned your postman isn’t doing his job, I can get you a number for the mail customer care line.”

    Caller: *whispering emphatically* “You don’t understand! He’s the only one and he has the only key! Look into the mailboxes! The only key! Beeeeee saaaaaaaafe!” *click*

    It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

    Son: “I want both of these movies!”

    Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

    Son: “God! Mom you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

    Me, to mother: “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your first born in payment.”


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