I worked at a Blockbuster Video that had a children’s area nestled amongst the children’s video section. It was like a cubicle with a makeshift doorway to make it obvious “you are now entering the children’s area.” It had toys and child-sized chairs with the videos lined up all around it.

I was standing at the checkout desk that was located right next to this children’s area.

A mom came up to me with her young son.

Mom: “Can my son could use the bathroom?”

Me: “It’s out of service, ma’am. Please use the restaurant next door. They’re kind enough to let our patrons use their facilities until ours is repaired.”

The mom stared at me confused, looked to the right of me at the restaurant (I thought), and then took her kid over to the children’s area.

She then helped her kid out of his pants, sat him down on a chair, and proceeded to help him poo.

Me: “Ma’am! Please take your son to the restaurant next door!”

She looked up at me.

Mom: “I am next door.”

I’m not sure if she was being ridiculous or clueless, but she stared at me with this look like, “What’s your problem? You told me to go next door.”

She cleaned up her kid, got a video, and checked out. They left a turd on the carpet. I had to clean it up.

I work in a video rental store.

Customer: “I’m looking for a movie.”

Being known as the smarta** of the store, I look around and say:

Me: “We’ve got those.”

Customer: “I’m looking for an action movie.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Which action movie?”

Customer: *Getting frustrated* “One with the guy and the girl in it!”

Me: “What are their names?”

Customer: “Shouldn’t you know? You work at a video store!”

Me: “I’m not psychic, sir. What other movies were the actors in?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “What’s the plot?”

Customer: “The girl gets kidnapped by a bad guy and the good guy has to save her.”

Me: “So, you want the action movie that stars a guy and a girl, where the girl gets kidnapped by a bad guy and the good guy has to save her?”

Customer: “Yes! Where is it?”

I was working at a video rental store about eight years ago, and we got a new District Manager. He had transferred to our store from [Dollar Store Chain], and he was a total a**hat.

While I was mopping the floor, he pulled me aside after he had done an inspection of our store. He told me that I would be scraping gum off of the sidewalk outside and scrubbing the walkway for the next few days.

My manager heard what he was telling me I would be doing and came over.

Manager: *To the district manager* “Don’t we usually have people that come and do that?”

District Manager: “Yes, but they are too expensive, so I want her to do it.”

She then proceeded to tell him off. A short rundown of what was said:

Manager: “Last time those cleaners were hired, the company paid them about $15 an hour. My employee will not scrub sidewalks for a third of that. She took a promotion without a pay raise because of you. You never bothered to even give her a raise when her ninety days were up. So no, she will not be doing anything for you. Do not ask any of my employees to do anything beyond their job description, especially when we pay other people far better money to do it. You can leave now.”

My manager then called the Regional Manager. We didn’t see [District Manager] for a while, but when he did come back, he did so with the people to clean the sidewalk.

Back in the days of video rental stores, I had this exchange with a customer. A trailer for one of the many Iraq War movies was playing on some of the screens. The trailer included a scene where a prisoner was being waterboarded by some shady government types.

A customer was staring up at the trailer and then started speaking to me. My manager was standing next to me but didn’t immediately interact.

Customer: “I wonder if that kind of thing actually works?”

Me: “What kind of thing?”

Customer: “When they motorboat the prisoners to get them to talk.”

Me: “When they… what now?”

Customer: “When they motorboat the prisoners to get them to talk. You know, like that.” *Points at the TV*

Me: “That’s… not what that is called.”

Customer: “What did I say?”

Me: “Motorboating.”

Customer: “What was I supposed to say?”

Me: “Waterboarding.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well, one is torture, and one is… not.”

Manager: “But both can suffocate you if you do it for too long!”

My brother manages a DVD rental store. On a Friday, I pop in to share lunch. A tropical storm has been updated to a hurricane. A woman flies into the store in a panic, dashes to the children’s section, and grabs twelve DVDs. Upon checking out, she says:

Customer: “I want to make sure the kids have something to watch if the electricity goes out.”

My brother and I turn and look at one another and then look back at her. She is already out the door. We laugh and shake our heads.

Brother: “Does she understand… if she has no electricity…”

My brother told me she returned on Monday, in a tiff and all disheveled, to return the DVDs. She wanted her money back because her children couldn’t watch them; they still didn’t have electricity.

My brother comped her just because it was so hilarious, and he didn’t want her to see him laughing.

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Weathering The Storm Of Stupidity