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    Dub And Dubber

    | Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

    (An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

    Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

    Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

    Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

    Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

    (The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

    Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

    Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

    (With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

    Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

    The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

    (Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

    Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

    Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

    Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

    Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

    Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

    Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

    Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

    (Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

    Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

    Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

    (The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

    Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

    (Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)

    Some People Just Need To Stay Silent

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I am participating in the Day Of Silence and my boss, being understanding because her brother is gay and was assaulted for it a year ago, has let me wear my DOS pin while on my shift. He’s put me on restock and check-in duty so I don’t have to handle customers. A few customers have noticed my pin and were understanding and even supportive, but not this next customer…)

    Customer: *walks over to me, passing up three other employees*” Excuse me, I have a question.”

    (I shrug in apology and show her my pin.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, she’s not on register duty today for personal reasons, but I can help you.”

    Customer: “No! I asked her to help me, so she has to do what I say!” *to me* “Why the h*** aren’t you doing your job? Sitting back here all day, twiddling your thumbs while your coworkers do all the work… you’re a lazy b****! You should be fired!”

    Me: *completely shocked*

    Boss: “Excuse ME, ma’am, but she is doing her job. You’re going to stop harassing my employees now or I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “But she’s not even answering questions! She’s just sitting there not helping anyone!”

    Boss: “I have her on non-interactive duty today because she’s taking part in the Day of Silence in support of the LGBT community.”

    Customer: *aghast* “You let your employees support f*****s?! What the h*** is wrong with you?! People like that are evil sinners that should be shot in the street! They don’t even have rights anyway!”

    Boss: “And that’s what the Day of Silence commemorates: gays that have been bullied and killed by hateful and ignorant people like you. You can leave my store now and don’t come back.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! You’re all soulless queers! I’m getting out of here before I catch your gay curse and burn in H***!” *practically runs out of the store*

    You Can Win The Battle But Lease The War

    | Toronto, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (This takes place just when DVDs are starting to replace VHS. A customer comes to the counter with a popular movie on VHS.)

    Me: “You know, sir, the rental costs $4.99 for a week, but we are selling previously rented copies of this movie for only $1.99.”

    Customer: “That’s okay. I just want to rent it.”

    Me: “But sir, it’s $3 cheaper if you buy it, and you won’t have to bring it back.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to keep it!”

    Me: “Well, you could buy it and then throw it out after.”

    Customer: *impatiently* “Look, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to rent this movie!”

    Me: *gives up* “Certainly, sir. That will be $5.14 with taxes. The movie is due back next Tuesday by midnight.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    Some Customers Are Out Of Line

    | Canandaigua, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (We have a customer who occasionally comes in who is in a wheelchair. So, to make things easy, he just calls us when he’s in the parking lot and asks for assistance. We come out and take care of getting movies for him. This happens right after I come back in to grab him a movie, and hop back on the register. There is one other person in line.)

    Customer: “This is absolute bulls***. Why can’t he just get out of his car like everyone else?!”

    Me: “Sorry, guys, but he’s a paraplegic and this would just make things easier on him.”

    Customer: “That’s no excuse! He should come in like the rest of us! I want you to take care of me now. I was first in line!”

    Me: “With all due respect, no, you weren’t. He called long before you got up to the register, and I’m not gonna make him get out of his car and potentially hurt himself to save you an extra 20 seconds. I will be with you in a second.”

    Customer: *shuts up*

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