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    No IQ For IV

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

    (I work at a video store. A customer is on the far side of the store and yells out to me. He does not hold up the DVD.)

    Customer: “Hey man, which Saw is this?”

    Me: “Well, what does it say on the cover?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t say anything!”

    (I walk over to the customer and immediately recognise the problem.)

    Me: “That would be Saw 4, sir. ‘IV’ means four.”

    Dub And Dubber

    | Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

    (An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

    Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

    Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

    Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

    Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

    (The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

    Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

    Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

    (With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

    Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

    The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

    Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

    (Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

    Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

    Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

    Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

    Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

    Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

    Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

    Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

    Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

    (Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

    Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

    Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

    (The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

    Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

    (Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)

    Some People Just Need To Stay Silent

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I am participating in the Day Of Silence and my boss, being understanding because her brother is gay and was assaulted for it a year ago, has let me wear my DOS pin while on my shift. He’s put me on restock and check-in duty so I don’t have to handle customers. A few customers have noticed my pin and were understanding and even supportive, but not this next customer…)

    Customer: *walks over to me, passing up three other employees*” Excuse me, I have a question.”

    (I shrug in apology and show her my pin.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, she’s not on register duty today for personal reasons, but I can help you.”

    Customer: “No! I asked her to help me, so she has to do what I say!” *to me* “Why the h*** aren’t you doing your job? Sitting back here all day, twiddling your thumbs while your coworkers do all the work… you’re a lazy b****! You should be fired!”

    Me: *completely shocked*

    Boss: “Excuse ME, ma’am, but she is doing her job. You’re going to stop harassing my employees now or I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “But she’s not even answering questions! She’s just sitting there not helping anyone!”

    Boss: “I have her on non-interactive duty today because she’s taking part in the Day of Silence in support of the LGBT community.”

    Customer: *aghast* “You let your employees support f*****s?! What the h*** is wrong with you?! People like that are evil sinners that should be shot in the street! They don’t even have rights anyway!”

    Boss: “And that’s what the Day of Silence commemorates: gays that have been bullied and killed by hateful and ignorant people like you. You can leave my store now and don’t come back.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! You’re all soulless queers! I’m getting out of here before I catch your gay curse and burn in H***!” *practically runs out of the store*

    You Can Win The Battle But Lease The War

    | Toronto, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (This takes place just when DVDs are starting to replace VHS. A customer comes to the counter with a popular movie on VHS.)

    Me: “You know, sir, the rental costs $4.99 for a week, but we are selling previously rented copies of this movie for only $1.99.”

    Customer: “That’s okay. I just want to rent it.”

    Me: “But sir, it’s $3 cheaper if you buy it, and you won’t have to bring it back.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to keep it!”

    Me: “Well, you could buy it and then throw it out after.”

    Customer: *impatiently* “Look, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to rent this movie!”

    Me: *gives up* “Certainly, sir. That will be $5.14 with taxes. The movie is due back next Tuesday by midnight.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

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