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  • Worst Sequel Ever

    | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (A customer rushes in, looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! I need that new movie!”

    Me: “Which movie is that?”

    Customer: “Fury Avengers!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry? What’s the name?”

    Customer: “Fury Avengers! Fury Avengers! It just came out!”

    Me: “Who’s in the movie? I don’t seem to have anything called ‘Fury Avengers’ in our system.”

    Customer: “I don’t know who’s in it! It’s called Fury Avengers! Brendan Fury Avengers!”

    Me: *light bulb* “OH! Do you mean Furry Vengeance, with Brendan Fraser?”

    Customer: “Yes! Whatever it’s called!”

    Me: *sigh* “Right this way, sir.”

    Thinks He Is Customer Number One

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer comes in. While he is a regular, no one on staff cares for him, because he always acts like he should get special treatment.)

    Me: “Hi, [Customer]. How are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine, Here’s your movies.”

    (He throws them on the counter, and they scatter everywhere. I start picking them up.)

    Me: “These movies didn’t come from here. In fact they aren’t even from another one of the stores in our chain, but a completely different one.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? So I can’t return them here?”

    Me: “No, you’ll have to take them back to [Competitor].”

    Customer: “I don’t see why! Don’t you know how much money I spend here?”

    Me: “Actually, I do know you’re in here quite often, but I still can’t take movies from [Competitor].”

    (He argues with me for a while, and I try to calmly explain why I cannot take his movies. He continues to be belligerent, and knocks over other things that we have sitting on the counter.)

    Me: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’m leaving and taking my business elsewhere!”

    (As I watch him leave the store, instead of heading toward his car, he goes around to the part of the building facing the road and proceeds to urinate all over the windows. The entire store has huge windows, so after all the ruckus he caused, my staff and our customers in the store all see this. Everyone is in shock over this display. I start calling the police.)

    Me: “Yes, I would like to make a report on a man who exposed himself and urinated on our building… Why, yes, I do happen to have his name and his address…”

    This Dollar Is Noncents

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (Every Monday, my video rental store has a special where you can rent any movie for $1.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me more about this dollar Monday thing?”

    Me: “Of course. Every Monday, all of the DVDs in store are just $1 to hire!”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means you can come in and rent any movie you want, new or old, for just $1!”

    Customer: “So, does that mean weekly movies?”

    Me: *smiling* “It sure does, everything is included!”

    Customer: “Well, what about 5 night hires? Are they included?”

    Me: *still smiling* “Yes, sir. All of the DVDs are included in this special.”

    Customer: “Okay, so what about 3 night hires?”

    Me: “They are. Everything is included in this deal—new releases and weekly movie rentals.”

    Customer: “Okay, good. And what about overnight hires? Are they $1 too?”

    Me: “Yep. As I said before, all movies are $1 to hire.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! Why does it have to be so confusing? You people need to make it less complicated so normal people can understand!” *storms out*

    Re-Cycling DVDs

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Our store releases new DVDs every Tuesday. A customer comes in on Wednesday, visibly angry.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is wrong with your movies? This doesn’t work!”

    (I open the case and discover that the brand new DVD is broken in several pieces, and has a large tire tread on the back.)

    Me: “Sir, what happened? The DVD is completely destroyed!”

    Customer: “I ran over it with my motorcycle. Why?”

    Me: “…You ran over it…”

    Customer: “I wanted to see if they still made them like they used to! Back in my day you couldn’t destroy things like this! I demand a refund!”

    (He continues to yell and rant until my manager shows up. I explain what the story is, with the customer agreeing with me word for word on what happened. Finally, my manager speaks.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “What are you, an idiot?”

    A Brokeback Fountain Of Hate

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Bigotry

    (We have a small section of movies for the LGBT community. These are clearly labelled, and none of them are too offensive. I am a straight woman in support of the LGBT community. A customer brings up one of the LGBT movies; it shows two women in wedding dresses kissing on the cover.)

    Customer: “I demand you keep this trash behind the counter!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is a whole section dedicated to this ‘trash’ and honestly, I can’t keep just one case behind the counter. Our customers are going to need a way to see that we have it available.”

    Customer: *waves DVD case in my face* “Who watches this trash anyway!? It’s sinful smut and I don’t want children seeing it!”

    Me: “That is why it is up high on the shelves, in a little corner, behind a curtain that is clearly labelled for LGBT movies. Makes me wonder how you saw it ma’am, as you would have to walk to that corner and move the curtain. Honestly, I don’t even think we need the curtain. I think there should be more tolerance for gays and those of the LGBT community.”

    Customer:You did this! You brought all of those movies from home, and put them in that section because you support f***! You should not be working where Christians shop!”

    Me: “I’m straight, ma’am, but I do support the LGBT community. I can promise you I did not bring those movies from home. We are legally allowed to rent out those movies here. Now if you would please give me the DVD so that I can put it back where it belongs, I would be very happy.”

    (She flings the DVD case at me. I duck in time for it not to hit me, but it crashes into the sign we have up to show what our new releases are.)

    Customer: “GO TO H***!”

    (She stomps out of the store. A few moments later, my manager calls. I tell her what just happened.)

    Manager: “Oh dear, do you need some coffee?”

    Me: “Only a lot.”

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