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    On The Futility Of Signs, Part 2

    | Midwest, USA |

    Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”

    Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)

    Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”

    Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”

    Customer: “Can we rent that?”

    On The Futility Of Signs

    … And Elvis Has Left The Building!

    | USA |

    *phone rings*

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***…”

    Her: “Yes, I see in your ad this week that you have Happy Feet out.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s out for the Playstation 2.”

    Her: “That’s not the movie?”

    Me: “No, it is not.”

    Her: “When is it coming?”

    Me: “It’s out in theaters right now. We have no date on when it is coming.”

    Her: “Well is there anything that can show my grandkids how to do the dance?”

    Me: “Not that I am aware of.”

    Her: “Well I got this book for my grandkids and it shows the penguins….” *goes on for what feels like an HOUR about some book and teaching them some dance from the movie. I sorta doze on and off since her voice is very… shall I say….. monotone, flat, and boring. Finally…* “….. so the main reason why I’m calling.”

    Me: (you mean to tell me all this was a SECONDARY reason why you called?) “Yes ma’am.”

    Her: “Do you believe in Christ?”

    Me: “Uuuhhhhh…..” *customer comes up with stackfull of DVDs* “I gotta go now. Bye.” *hangs up phone*


    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

    Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

    Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

    Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

    Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

    Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

    (Customer storms out)

    Genres Are For Weaklings

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

    Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

    Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

    Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

    Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

    Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

    Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

    Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”

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