It’s A Small (100% English Speaking) World

| Charleston, SC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “This movie is in German. I want a different one.”

(It was “The Lives of Others,” which won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars–which was stated on the box in big letters.)

Me: “I can’t give you another movie, because it was subtitled. Plus, it says it on the box in two places.”

Customer: “But I don’t speak German.”

Me: “Neither do I.”

Customer: “Why do they make movies in German in America?”

Me: “Because it was made by German people.”

Related:
Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
Those Silly Ethnics And Their Funny Words
…And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead

| Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

Me: “Hi, all set?”

Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

Customer: “But I have MVP.”

Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

(This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

Related:
Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

On The Futility Of Signs, Part 2

| Midwest, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”

Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)

Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”

Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”

Customer: “Can we rent that?”

Related:
On The Futility Of Signs

… And Elvis Has Left The Building!

| USA | Uncategorized

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for calling ***…”

Her: “Yes, I see in your ad this week that you have Happy Feet out.”

Me: “Yes, it’s out for the Playstation 2.”

Her: “That’s not the movie?”

Me: “No, it is not.”

Her: “When is it coming?”

Me: “It’s out in theaters right now. We have no date on when it is coming.”

Her: “Well is there anything that can show my grandkids how to do the dance?”

Me: “Not that I am aware of.”

Her: “Well I got this book for my grandkids and it shows the penguins….” *goes on for what feels like an HOUR about some book and teaching them some dance from the movie. I sorta doze on and off since her voice is very… shall I say….. monotone, flat, and boring. Finally…* “….. so the main reason why I’m calling.”

Me: (you mean to tell me all this was a SECONDARY reason why you called?) “Yes ma’am.”

Her: “Do you believe in Christ?”

Me: “Uuuhhhhh…..” *customer comes up with stackfull of DVDs* “I gotta go now. Bye.” *hangs up phone*

Source

(Telepathic) Help Wanted

| Michigan, USA | Top

Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

(Customer storms out)

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