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    Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead

    | Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA |

    (We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

    Me: “Hi, all set?”

    Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

    Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

    Customer: “But I have MVP.”

    Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

    (This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    On The Futility Of Signs, Part 2

    | Midwest, USA |

    Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”

    Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)

    Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”

    Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”

    Customer: “Can we rent that?”

    On The Futility Of Signs

    … And Elvis Has Left The Building!

    | USA |

    *phone rings*

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***…”

    Her: “Yes, I see in your ad this week that you have Happy Feet out.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s out for the Playstation 2.”

    Her: “That’s not the movie?”

    Me: “No, it is not.”

    Her: “When is it coming?”

    Me: “It’s out in theaters right now. We have no date on when it is coming.”

    Her: “Well is there anything that can show my grandkids how to do the dance?”

    Me: “Not that I am aware of.”

    Her: “Well I got this book for my grandkids and it shows the penguins….” *goes on for what feels like an HOUR about some book and teaching them some dance from the movie. I sorta doze on and off since her voice is very… shall I say….. monotone, flat, and boring. Finally…* “….. so the main reason why I’m calling.”

    Me: (you mean to tell me all this was a SECONDARY reason why you called?) “Yes ma’am.”

    Her: “Do you believe in Christ?”

    Me: “Uuuhhhhh…..” *customer comes up with stackfull of DVDs* “I gotta go now. Bye.” *hangs up phone*


    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

    Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

    Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

    Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

    Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

    Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

    (Customer storms out)

    Genres Are For Weaklings

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

    Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

    Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

    Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

    Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

    Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

    Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

    Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”

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