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    Pride Goeth Before A Rental

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I have a reputation of knowing good movies. Some customers got into the habit of just coming in and asking me what they should watch…especially when they wanted to seem intellectual. One customer was an a** one day so I gave him a Russian movie that was slow, boring and pretentious. He returned the movie about a week later.)

    Me: “How’d you like it?”

    Customer: “Man, you dropped the ball on this one. It sucked. Took me three nights to get through it. I kept falling asleep. I hate to have to pay this much money for it.”

    Me: “Wow, I’m surprised. I don’t recommend it to a lot of people because I don’t think they’ll catch the subtle subtext in the imagery.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “Yeah…the meat of the story is really in the shot composition, the use of color and the things that remain unsaid. It gets past a lot of people but I thought you would have caught that and enjoyed the message.”

    Customer: “You know, don’t check that in yet. I’ll take it back and watch it again.”

    Calling Her Bluff

    | Maryville, MO, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Yeah, this movie didn’t play right. It keeps skipping. I want a different one.”

    Me: “Okay, if you want to go grab another copy off the shelves I’ll get this checked in.”

    (I scan the movie and it is three days late.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this movie is three days late.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “So…I’ll have to charge you full price to rent another movie, and you’ll need to pay the late fee.”

    Customer: “THE MOVIE DIDN’T WORK. I SHOULD GET ANOTHER ONE FREE!”

    Me: “Well, it was a three day rental, and you could have brought it in anytime in those three days and we would have been happy to exchange it free of charge. However since it’s late, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “THIS IS F**KING BULLS**T! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “F**KING RIDICULOUS! THE MOVIE DIDN’T PLAY!””

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you had a full three days to bring it back.”

    Customer: “I WAS F**KING BUSY!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am that’s not my fault.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME YOUR BOSS’ NUMBER! I’M GOING TO REPORT YOUR A**!! K***** [my boss] IS AN OLD FRIEND AND YOU’RE GOING TO GET FIRED!”

    (I give her the number and she storms out, muttering. I call my boss.)

    Me: “Just so you know, you might be getting a call from your friend, C** M** trying to get me fired.”

    My Boss: “Who the hell is C** M**?”

    Paging Miss Cleo

    | Northern Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

    Me: “Which guy?”

    Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

    Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”

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    Gullible’s Travels

    | Northern Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks into the video rental store toward the end of a long, tiring night.)

    Customer: “Do you have any movies?”

    Me, joking: “Nope, just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “Alright…”

    (The customer proceeds to walk out of the store.)

    I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A woman calls in, telling me that she rented Good Luck Chuck for her young son’s sleepover without watching the movie first. She showed the movie to a party of young boys, and then had to call their parents to apologize.)

    Woman: “I need to know how I can prevent this from happening in the future.”

    Me: “Well, if you bring the movie up to the counter, chances are that somebody has seen the movie, and if they haven’t we can point you in the direction of a movie that would be appropriate.”

    Woman: “This movie says ‘unrated.’ It should be okay!”

    Me: “Actually, ‘unrated’ means that things have been put into the movie that couldn’t be shown in theaters.”

    Woman: “What? I’ve seen CARTOONS that are unrated.”

    (I assume she’s talking about ‘not rated,’ but decide that telling her that there’s a difference will just make her angrier.)

    Me: “Well, if you flip over and read the back of the movie, under the rating it will tell you what it is rated that for–”

    Woman, sounding angry: “Yeah, I know, I read it. It says, ‘Nudity, Strong Sexual Content, Drug Use, and Adult Language.’ EVERY movie has that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. All I can suggest is that if you’re not sure, you can bring the movie up to the counter and we can help you. Would you like me to put a free movie on your account?”

    Woman: “I don’t think you should even carry this movie on your shelves, it’s disgusting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only get what Corporate sends us.”

    Woman: “Who can I complain to?”

    Me: “All I can do is put a free movie on your account for the inconvenience. Our company gets the movies with the ratings from the production companies–”

    Woman: “How can I call the production companies?”

    Me: “Um, I guess you could search for them on Google?”

    Woman: “Good, I am going to call the production company right now and complain.”

    Me, trying desperately not to laugh: “Okay, I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, have a nice night.”

    (She hung up the phone and I immediately burst out laughing–apparently a label saying, “UNRATED – CHUCKED UP EDITION,” in giant letters, as well as all of the warnings on the back and just the plot of the movie are not enough warning. Does she want us to put up a sign saying, “DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE FOR YOUR SON’S SLEEPOVER?”)

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