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    Paging Miss Cleo

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

    Me: “Which guy?”

    Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

    Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”

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    Gullible’s Travels

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (A customer walks into the video rental store toward the end of a long, tiring night.)

    Customer: “Do you have any movies?”

    Me, joking: “Nope, just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “Alright…”

    (The customer proceeds to walk out of the store.)

    I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (A woman calls in, telling me that she rented Good Luck Chuck for her young son’s sleepover without watching the movie first. She showed the movie to a party of young boys, and then had to call their parents to apologize.)

    Woman: “I need to know how I can prevent this from happening in the future.”

    Me: “Well, if you bring the movie up to the counter, chances are that somebody has seen the movie, and if they haven’t we can point you in the direction of a movie that would be appropriate.”

    Woman: “This movie says ‘unrated.’ It should be okay!”

    Me: “Actually, ‘unrated’ means that things have been put into the movie that couldn’t be shown in theaters.”

    Woman: “What? I’ve seen CARTOONS that are unrated.”

    (I assume she’s talking about ‘not rated,’ but decide that telling her that there’s a difference will just make her angrier.)

    Me: “Well, if you flip over and read the back of the movie, under the rating it will tell you what it is rated that for–”

    Woman, sounding angry: “Yeah, I know, I read it. It says, ‘Nudity, Strong Sexual Content, Drug Use, and Adult Language.’ EVERY movie has that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. All I can suggest is that if you’re not sure, you can bring the movie up to the counter and we can help you. Would you like me to put a free movie on your account?”

    Woman: “I don’t think you should even carry this movie on your shelves, it’s disgusting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only get what Corporate sends us.”

    Woman: “Who can I complain to?”

    Me: “All I can do is put a free movie on your account for the inconvenience. Our company gets the movies with the ratings from the production companies–”

    Woman: “How can I call the production companies?”

    Me: “Um, I guess you could search for them on Google?”

    Woman: “Good, I am going to call the production company right now and complain.”

    Me, trying desperately not to laugh: “Okay, I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, have a nice night.”

    (She hung up the phone and I immediately burst out laughing–apparently a label saying, “UNRATED – CHUCKED UP EDITION,” in giant letters, as well as all of the warnings on the back and just the plot of the movie are not enough warning. Does she want us to put up a sign saying, “DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE FOR YOUR SON’S SLEEPOVER?”)

    It’s A Small (100% English Speaking) World

    | Charleston, SC, USA |

    Customer: “This movie is in German. I want a different one.”

    (It was “The Lives of Others,” which won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars–which was stated on the box in big letters.)

    Me: “I can’t give you another movie, because it was subtitled. Plus, it says it on the box in two places.”

    Customer: “But I don’t speak German.”

    Me: “Neither do I.”

    Customer: “Why do they make movies in German in America?”

    Me: “Because it was made by German people.”

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    Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead

    | Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA |

    (We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

    Me: “Hi, all set?”

    Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

    Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

    Customer: “But I have MVP.”

    Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

    (This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

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