Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m the manager at a video rental store, and the owner happens to be there with me.)

Customer: “I’d like to open an account.”

Me: “Okay, to open a membership we need a California issued I.D and a major credit card.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: “The credit card.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t open the account.”

Customer: “Oh, I talked to the manager last week. He said it was alright if i didn’t have a credit card.”

Me: “Oh really? I don’t recall telling anybody that last week.”

Customer: *nervously* “… then it was the owner who told me that.”

Me: “I don’t think he would say that.”

Customer: “Yeah he did. He said it was fine. Just make me the d*** membership! The owner said it was fine.”

Me: “Okay…” *I turn to the owner*

Me, to the owner: “Hey, did you tell anyone last week that they could make a new account without a credit card?”

Owner: “No, I never said that ever.”

Customer: *walks away with his head down*

Related:
Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 2
Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

Why Some Folks Have Children

| Reading, Berkshire, UK | Top

(A man comes in with about 4 children running about behind him. He comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah…I’m looking for some *whispers*…porn.”

Me: “You mean adult movies?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock those here.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “There are some stores in the town centre. Perhaps you can try there?”

Customer: “I want some porn now! What kind of store is this?”

Me: “I apologise, but we don’t stock adult movies.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I only want to watch some porn with my wife.”

Me: “Sorry, this is a family store.”

Customer: “MAYBE IT’S FOR THE KIDS TOO! ”

(Customer storms out with all 4 children jumping around behind him as I stand there dumbfounded.)

God Forbid

| Swampscott, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “Oooh, I’ve heard great things about The Passion of the Christ.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, it really reaffirms your faith in Christ.”

Me: “It’s been a big hit this week–Mel Gibson tried to make it as historically accurate as possible.” *cough* “Even all the dialog is in Aramaic.”

Customer #1: “Wait what?!”

Me: “It’s in Aramaic, the language which they spoke back then.”

Customer #1: “You mean it has subtitles?! It’s not in English?! Ugh, I’m not gonna watch that!”

Those Pesky Twin Brothers

| Maryville, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I am calling customers with overdue movies to remind them that they are due back.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, this is Lynne up at Movie M**** and I was just calling to remind you that The Bourne Identity and Barnyard were both due back about 6 days ago. So, if you could get those back to–”

Customer: “I told the guy that called last night I didn’t rent those movies!”

Me: “Well, sir, I can give you the exact time and date they were rented, if that would help you remember…”

Customer: “And when the hell did I supposedly rent these movies?”

Me: “Wednesday, the 23rd at 7:13 pm.”

Customer: “I didn’t rent them! I was out of the country last week!”

Me: “Sir, do you have a brother?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a brother! Why in the hell do you want to know that?!”

Me: “Because if you were out of the country then it must be your twin brother on the security tape renting those movies.”

(Customer sputters for a moment.)

Me: “If you can get those back to us before we close tonight at 10 pm, there will be no further late charges.”

Customer: “Okay.” *hangs up*

Endlessly Loopy

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”

Me: “What happened, exactly?”

Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”

Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”

Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”

Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”

Man on phone: “Yes.”

Me: “Just hit the play button on you remote control or DVD player.”

Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”

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