• Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (Note: I’m the manager at a video rental store, and the owner happens to be there with me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to open an account.”

    Me: “Okay, to open a membership we need a California issued I.D and a major credit card.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Customer: “The credit card.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t open the account.”

    Customer: “Oh, I talked to the manager last week. He said it was alright if i didn’t have a credit card.”

    Me: “Oh really? I don’t recall telling anybody that last week.”

    Customer: *nervously* “… then it was the owner who told me that.”

    Me: “I don’t think he would say that.”

    Customer: “Yeah he did. He said it was fine. Just make me the d*** membership! The owner said it was fine.”

    Me: “Okay…” *I turn to the owner*

    Me, to the owner: “Hey, did you tell anyone last week that they could make a new account without a credit card?”

    Owner: “No, I never said that ever.”

    Customer: *walks away with his head down*

    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 2
    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

    Why Some Folks Have Children

    | Reading, Berkshire, UK | Top

    (A man comes in with about 4 children running about behind him. He comes up to the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah…I’m looking for some *whispers*…porn.”

    Me: “You mean adult movies?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock those here.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “There are some stores in the town centre. Perhaps you can try there?”

    Customer: “I want some porn now! What kind of store is this?”

    Me: “I apologise, but we don’t stock adult movies.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I only want to watch some porn with my wife.”

    Me: “Sorry, this is a family store.”

    Customer: “MAYBE IT’S FOR THE KIDS TOO! ”

    (Customer storms out with all 4 children jumping around behind him as I stand there dumbfounded.)

    God Forbid

    | Swampscott, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer #1: “Oooh, I’ve heard great things about The Passion of the Christ.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, it really reaffirms your faith in Christ.”

    Me: “It’s been a big hit this week–Mel Gibson tried to make it as historically accurate as possible.” *cough* “Even all the dialog is in Aramaic.”

    Customer #1: “Wait what?!”

    Me: “It’s in Aramaic, the language which they spoke back then.”

    Customer #1: “You mean it has subtitles?! It’s not in English?! Ugh, I’m not gonna watch that!”

    Those Pesky Twin Brothers

    | Maryville, MO, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am calling customers with overdue movies to remind them that they are due back.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, this is Lynne up at Movie M**** and I was just calling to remind you that The Bourne Identity and Barnyard were both due back about 6 days ago. So, if you could get those back to–”

    Customer: “I told the guy that called last night I didn’t rent those movies!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I can give you the exact time and date they were rented, if that would help you remember…”

    Customer: “And when the hell did I supposedly rent these movies?”

    Me: “Wednesday, the 23rd at 7:13 pm.”

    Customer: “I didn’t rent them! I was out of the country last week!”

    Me: “Sir, do you have a brother?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a brother! Why in the hell do you want to know that?!”

    Me: “Because if you were out of the country then it must be your twin brother on the security tape renting those movies.”

    (Customer sputters for a moment.)

    Me: “If you can get those back to us before we close tonight at 10 pm, there will be no further late charges.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *hangs up*

    Endlessly Loopy

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”

    Me: “What happened, exactly?”

    Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”

    Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”

    Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”

    Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”

    Man on phone: “Yes.”

    Me: “Just hit the play button on you remote control or DVD player.”

    Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”

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