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    The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb Video
    Rental Store
    Seattle, WA, USA

    Customer: “I have an account at one of your other branches, but I’ve never rented here before.”

    Me: “OK, I just need to take a look at a valid photo ID and give them a call to get you set up.” (She holds out her ID card. When I go to take it from her hand, she tightens her grip and refuses to let go.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’ll need to take a look at your ID to confirm that you are who you say you are.”

    Customer: “You can see my picture. That’s enough.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it isn’t. I need to enter the number on your ID and confirm that it matches the information the other store has in its system.”

    Customer: “When I rented at your other store they didn’t ask to do that.”

    Me: “If that is in fact the case, they didn’t follow procedure. I’m the manager of this store and if I found out someone on my staff was ignoring this procedure, I’d be quite upset. We need to confirm your identity in order to protect you.”

    Customer: *yelling* “My privacy is very important! I know that you’re only saying these things because your computer won’t let you rent to me without something in that field! I don’t want my personal information compromised! Call my regular store and get my id number from them so i can take my movies and never have to come back here and deal with this sort of treatment!”

    Me: “I understand that your privacy is important to you. If you would just let me see your ID I can put your information in the system and you can be on your way.”

    Customer: “You saw my id! Now call the other store and get my id number from them! My privacy is very important to me!”

    Me: “So in the interest of protecting your privacy, you would like me to call the other store, on a Friday night, at 7:00 PM, and have the clerk read your ID number over the phone, out loud, in the middle of the store.”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Instead of just letting me enter the information from your ID.”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard to understand?!”

    Me: “Because that would seem to be a much greater risk to your privacy than–”

    Customer: “Just do your job and respect my privacy! My privacy is very important to me!”

    Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

    Me: “Yes, we have the movie ‘Forrest Gump’; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

    Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

    Me: “Uhh…do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

    Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

    Me: “…”

    Our Great Dumbocracy

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”

    Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?”

    Me: “Well, no, not really.”

    Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!”

    (She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.)

    Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?”

    Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “We just had this conversation.”

    Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.”

    Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!”

    Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!”

    The Trouble With Seeing In Black And White

    | Halifax, NS, Canada |

    Caller: “I need to exchange this movie. It’s the wrong one.”

    Me: “Which movie were you looking for?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “Um, what does it say on the case?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “What does it say on the video cassette itself?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “I’m thinking you have Big Momma’s House there, Ma’am.”

    Caller: “But…”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Caller: “But… there’s white people in it.”

    Me: “There are a few of us about, ma’am. We do sneak into the odd movie here and there.”

    Caller: *click*

    Family Values, Part 2

    | Guadalajara, Mexico |

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t I received my movie?”

    Me: “Which one was it?”

    (He gives me the name of the movie, and I check on the computer to see if that title is available.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, we don’t have it on stock yet, but we will have your copy by Wednesday.”

    Customer: “But you have it already for rental!” *goes to the shelf and brings me one of the cases*

    Me: “Yes, but those are for rental only. We receive a few copies for rental only, and a few days after we get the ones for sale.”

    Customer: “Then give me this one.”

    Me: “That one is exclusively for rental.”

    Customer: “F*** it. I’m leaving!” *storms out of the store with the DVD*

    Me: “Hey!”

    (I call mall security. A few minutes later, a guard comes laughing to the store.)

    Guard: “Is this the stolen DVD?”

    Manager: “Yes, thank you.”

    Guard: “We found him trying to get in his car and two kids were inside. When we got him the kids started to cry, but not because we were taking his grandpa into custody.”

    Me: “Then why?”

    Guard: *laughs* “They were crying because they weren’t getting the movie today.”

    Related:
    Family Values

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