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    Our Great Dumbocracy

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”

    Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?”

    Me: “Well, no, not really.”

    Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!”

    (She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.)

    Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?”

    Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “We just had this conversation.”

    Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.”

    Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!”

    Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!”

    The Trouble With Seeing In Black And White

    | Halifax, NS, Canada |

    Caller: “I need to exchange this movie. It’s the wrong one.”

    Me: “Which movie were you looking for?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “Um, what does it say on the case?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “What does it say on the video cassette itself?”

    Caller:Big Momma’s House.”

    Me: “I’m thinking you have Big Momma’s House there, Ma’am.”

    Caller: “But…”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Caller: “But… there’s white people in it.”

    Me: “There are a few of us about, ma’am. We do sneak into the odd movie here and there.”

    Caller: *click*

    Family Values, Part 2

    | Guadalajara, Mexico |

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t I received my movie?”

    Me: “Which one was it?”

    (He gives me the name of the movie, and I check on the computer to see if that title is available.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, we don’t have it on stock yet, but we will have your copy by Wednesday.”

    Customer: “But you have it already for rental!” *goes to the shelf and brings me one of the cases*

    Me: “Yes, but those are for rental only. We receive a few copies for rental only, and a few days after we get the ones for sale.”

    Customer: “Then give me this one.”

    Me: “That one is exclusively for rental.”

    Customer: “F*** it. I’m leaving!” *storms out of the store with the DVD*

    Me: “Hey!”

    (I call mall security. A few minutes later, a guard comes laughing to the store.)

    Guard: “Is this the stolen DVD?”

    Manager: “Yes, thank you.”

    Guard: “We found him trying to get in his car and two kids were inside. When we got him the kids started to cry, but not because we were taking his grandpa into custody.”

    Me: “Then why?”

    Guard: *laughs* “They were crying because they weren’t getting the movie today.”

    Related:
    Family Values

    Who’s The Man Now

    | Boise, ID, USA | Top

    (It’s past closing time and I’ve just dealt with a rush of 3 new applications that took 15 minutes each, and am moving on to the next customer.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, these movies aren’t working. They are all scratched.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Pick whatever you want and I’ll exchange them.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (A few minutes later, a big, flannel clad man walks in.)

    Customer’s husband: “My wife was just in here for half an hour! ”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that…” *explains situation*

    Customer’s husband: “I don’t care! You need to have more than one register open! Where is your manager?!”

    Me: “He is in the back. We were suppose to close 45 minutes ago which is why I’m the only one on the register.”

    Customer’s husband: “You idiot! I need to see him now!”

    Me: “He’ll be here… now calm down!”

    Customer’s husband: “YOU MADE MY PREGNANT WIFE STAND IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR!”

    Me: “Well, sir… maybe you should have been a man and came in here instead of your wife.”

    Customer’s husband: *speechless*

    (My manager had to pretend to fire me in front of him, but we later joked about him in the back room.)

    You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 3

    | Bloomfield, MI, USA |

    (A customer walks into my video rental store on Christmas Eve 2005; it’s about 9 pm.)

    Customer: “Are you open?”

    Me: “Are the lights on?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Are the lights on?”

    Customer: “Yes…”

    Me: “Was the door unlocked?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah…”

    Me: “Have you ever been somewhere that was closed when the lights were mon and the doors were open?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “So, you understand now!”

    Customer: “No. Are you open or not?”

    Related:
    You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2
    You Can Lead A Horse To Water

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