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    Parents, The Gateway Drug

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (A man and woman with a 10-year old kid came up to my counter to rent Grand Theft Auto 4.)

    Me: “You know, this game is rated and M and generally not considered a good choice for young children.”

    Parent: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “Just saying… some parents don’t know I just wanted to make sure.”

    Parent: “Pfft… like I care about that. You’re going to be a boring parent!”

    One Man’s Art Is Another Man’s Political Agenda

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello, this is **** Video.”

    Customer: “Yes. I would like a refund. This movie is in a different language!”

    Me: “What movie is it?”

    Customer:Pan’s Labyrinth.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That’s a foreign film. If you’d like, you can comen exchange it for an English-language film.”

    Customer: “Why do they do that?”

    Me: “Do what, sir?”

    Customer: “Make movies in other languages.”

    Me: “It wasn’t made in America, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not giving them immigrants any of my money!”

    Many Hats, But An Empty Head

    | Lawrence, MA |

    (We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.)

    Me: “All right sir, your total is $249.75.”

    Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.”

    Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.”

    Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.”

    Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.”

    Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–”

    Customer: “It is illegal, I’M A LAWYER!”

    Me: “OK…I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?”

    Customer: “Well, no.”

    Me: “What would you like me to do then?”

    Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.”

    Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me 5 free movies or I’m calling the authorities.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…”

    Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!”

    Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?”

    Customer: *hands over credit card*

    Now That’s What I Call Customer Service

    | Florida, USA |

    (A customer used to come into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We knew she had been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we got a new manager.)

    Me: “Just leave her alone, she’ll be gone soon.”

    Manager: “Watch this.”

    (The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.)

    Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?”

    (The customer goes white and runs out of store. She never shows up again.)

    The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb Video
    Rental Store
    Seattle, WA, USA

    Customer: “I have an account at one of your other branches, but I’ve never rented here before.”

    Me: “OK, I just need to take a look at a valid photo ID and give them a call to get you set up.” (She holds out her ID card. When I go to take it from her hand, she tightens her grip and refuses to let go.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’ll need to take a look at your ID to confirm that you are who you say you are.”

    Customer: “You can see my picture. That’s enough.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it isn’t. I need to enter the number on your ID and confirm that it matches the information the other store has in its system.”

    Customer: “When I rented at your other store they didn’t ask to do that.”

    Me: “If that is in fact the case, they didn’t follow procedure. I’m the manager of this store and if I found out someone on my staff was ignoring this procedure, I’d be quite upset. We need to confirm your identity in order to protect you.”

    Customer: *yelling* “My privacy is very important! I know that you’re only saying these things because your computer won’t let you rent to me without something in that field! I don’t want my personal information compromised! Call my regular store and get my id number from them so i can take my movies and never have to come back here and deal with this sort of treatment!”

    Me: “I understand that your privacy is important to you. If you would just let me see your ID I can put your information in the system and you can be on your way.”

    Customer: “You saw my id! Now call the other store and get my id number from them! My privacy is very important to me!”

    Me: “So in the interest of protecting your privacy, you would like me to call the other store, on a Friday night, at 7:00 PM, and have the clerk read your ID number over the phone, out loud, in the middle of the store.”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Instead of just letting me enter the information from your ID.”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard to understand?!”

    Me: “Because that would seem to be a much greater risk to your privacy than–”

    Customer: “Just do your job and respect my privacy! My privacy is very important to me!”

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