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    Danica Says Eat My Dust

    | Canada |

    (I am a female employee. A customer came in asking me to look up a movie about NASCAR that was not in our system.)

    Me: “We actually don’t have that movie in our system at all. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “The movie is called ****. It’s about a NASCAR driver.”

    Me: “Yes, I looked up the title, and we don’t carry that movie at all.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe you could ask your manager to look it up for me.”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “It’s just that women don’t generally know much about NASCAR. I mean, it’s nothing personal. I know that I wouldn’t be interested in learning how to knit, or how to wash a dish.”

    Me: “…”

    Sucks In The City

    | Henniker, NH, USA |

    (This is late at night at the video rental store, and I’m a teenage girl working by myself. A man walks in and stands there grinning.)

    Me: “Um, hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Sucks to be you!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *pulls his arm in front of his face like Dracula* “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!”

    Me: “Uh…are you looking for Dracula videos…?”

    (At this point, we hear a car pull up.)

    Customer: “AHH! WITNESSES! DRACULA, AWAY!” *runs out*

    Because Aramaic Is Sooo Last Millenium

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I rented this movie, and ya’ll gave me the wrong one. This one has subtitles, and I wanted it in English.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. But Passion of The Christ is supposed to be in subtitles. It’s the way Mel Gibson made it.”

    Customer: “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! Why would he do somethin’ stupid like that?”

    Me: “Well, I’m guess he just wanted to be true to its roots.”

    Customer: “The idiot. Everyone knows the Bible is in English!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So, can you fix it or what?”

    Me: “Fix it? What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Call up that Gibson feller and tell him to send you guys the English version!”

    Over The Gray, Bland Rainbow

    | Maryland, USA |

    Customer: “Something is wrong with this movie – the box said it was in color, but it’s black and white.”

    Me: “Haven’t you ever seen The Wizard of Oz before?”

    Customer: “No, but it says ‘color’ on the box.”

    Me: “The beginning is in black and white – it will turn to color.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid.”

    Wet Fools Rush In Where Girlfriends Fear To Tread

    | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, .”

    Caller: “Excuse me, I just got a call today saying that I hadn’t returned a DVD.”

    Me: “Alright, what DVD is it?”

    Caller: *tells me the DVD’s name*

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’m looking it up in the computer and it says we don’t have it.”

    Caller: “Yes, it was returned. I gave it to my boyfriend to return and I watched him put it in your drop box!”

    Me: “Well, it’s not in the drop box right now, and the boxes were cleaned out. I’m not sure what’s–”

    (The caller cuts me off to start swearing at me. As she yells at me over the phone, a man walks in through the front door, sopping wet.)

    Man: “Uh, hey… my girlfriend gave this to me to return yesterday and I forgot about it until just now.”

    (I go back to the phone.)

    Me, to caller: “Ma’am, there’s someone here I think you should speak to…”

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