November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Lindsay Lohan Is Bad For Your Health

| NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer approaches the counter with a very thick accent.)

Customer: “Do you have the herpes?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Do you have the herpes? For the kids?”

Me: “I… uh…”

Customer: “You know? The herpes? Beep beep? Lindsay Lohan?”

Me: “Oh! Yes! We have Herbie Fully Loaded with Lindsay Lohan. It’s rented out. Can I call you when it’s returned?”

Customer: “You call me when you have the Herpes, yes!”

(The movie is eventually returned. I call the customer to let him know. His wife answers.)

Me: “Hi, this is . The movie you reserved was just returned.”

Caller: “Oh! The Herpes! I send my husband. The kids so happy!”

Nothing As Dangerous As A Woman Porned

| Inland Empire, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has just finished checking out two adult movies.)

Coworker: “Have a good evening, sir!”

Customer: *whirls back after taking a few steps* “Oh crap!”

(He rushes back to the counter before the next customer can come up.)

Coworker: “Did you forget something, sir?”

Customer: *trying to speak quietly* “I shouldn’t have used my card! Can you reverse it? I have cash! I can pay with cash!”

(I notice the situation. I come over to help.)

Me: “Sir, if it’s a problem I’d be happy to refund the charge back to your card.”

Customer: “My wife is going to see it online! She’s going to kill me!”

(He seems to be starting to panic.)

Customer: “Yeah, you have to reverse it!”

Me: “I see. Well, unfortunately, even if I do that the charge and the refund will both still appear on your bank statement, but–”

Customer: *interrupting* “No good! I have to get to the bank right now! I have to stop them!”

(He rushes out the door. He forgets the movies and has to run back in for them.)

Me: “Sir, it’s alright, the–”

Customer: “I have to stop the bank!”

(He almost trips up running out again. He didn’t give me time to explain that his bank statement will only show our store name; not the titles he rented.)

From Bat To Worse

| KY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have that new Dracula movie?”

Me:Bram Stoker’s Dracula? We sure do.”

Customer: “I love all of that guy’s movies.”

Me: “A Coppola fan?”

Customer: “No, Bram Stoker. I love everything he’s been in.”

Houston Had It Easy

| KY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What do you have in that’s good?”

Me: “Well, we just got Apollo 13 in. It’s the true story of the Apollo mission.”

(The customer looks perplexed.)

Me: “You know. ‘Houston, we have a problem.’

Customer: “Does it have any aliens in it?”

Taking A Gamble

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Recommend the movie I am thinking of!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You heard me. Are you deaf? Recommend the movie that I am thinking of!”

(I reach over and put my hand on her head.)