(A customer comes in the door and heads straight over to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you all sell pickles?”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry… do we sell what?”

Customer: “Pickles.”

Me: “Uh… no, we do not.”

Customer: “Darn. I coulda sworn you guys used to sell them here. Ah, well. Where are your blank cassette tapes?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t sell those, either.”

Customer: “Really? Well, what about batteries?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Greeting cards?”

Me: “Sir, this is a video rental store.”

Customer: “…So?”

(I work at a movie rental store. One night, a strange man comes into my store and asks me a question.)

Customer: *without making eye contact* “Do you guys have batteries?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry but we don’t have batteries.”

Customer: “Are you sure? ‘Cause…uh…I was sure you guys had batteries.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure we don’t have batteries.”

Customer: “I could have sworn you guys carried batteries.”

Me: “No batteries, sorry.”

(For 5 minutes, he keeps asking me if I was sure that we didn’t carry batteries. He eventually leaves. A friend of mine who works at the store next to mine comes in about a half hour later.)

Friend: “I just had the strangest conversation. Some guy came into my store, and kept asking us if we sold–”

Me: “Batteries?”

Friend: “Yeah! How did you know?”

(I manage a small video rental chain that is open 365 days a year, including Christmas.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re open on Christmas. Who rents movies on Christmas?”

Me: “You’re here…”

Customer: “But I’m renting video games. That’s different!”

(I work at a movie rental store. Sometimes we have deaf customers. I know some conversational ASL and can usually communicate with the deaf community just fine. A woman and her daughter walk up with a note and place it on the counter and point to it repeatedly.)

Note: “We’re looking for two movies that came out last Tuesday.”

Me: *in ASL* “Hello, yes, what movies?”

Customer, to daughter: “Why does he think I’m deaf?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! Usually our deaf customers write notes to us.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! How dare you just assume I’m disabled! It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. May I ask why you gave me a note instead of asking me verbally?”

Customer: “You’re Asian! How was I supposed to know you knew my language?!”

(I work at a video rental store that carries some adult movies in a side/back room. I am busy sorting our dropbox of movies when a older gentleman approaches my male coworker.)

Customer: “These [adult] movies didn’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want to grab a couple others to replace them?”

Customer: “No, you do it for me. These didn’t work.”

(I check the computer system for replacement copies.)

Me: “Well, these are the only copies of these movies, but you can go get two others for free today.”

Customer: “You go find two for me. I want ones that work. You go pick them out.”

Me: “You want me to go get you two replacements?”

Customer: “Yes, you.”

(I go into the back room and chooses two movies for the customer. I then clean the new movies and check out the customer.)

Me, to coworker: *after the customer leaves* “Please tell me you heard what he had me do.”

Coworker: “Did you just go pick out porn for him?”

Me: “Yeah. How weird.”

Coworker: *laughing* “I’d just grab the first two I found.”

Me: “I couldn’t! I had to find ones that were a similar theme.”

Coworker: “Awkward.”

Me: “Totally.”