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    Dopey Duplicators Can’t Dupe Us

    | Mississippi, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (Keep in mind that our store keeps records of people who try to trade in or sell defective, illegally copied, or stolen merchandise. One day, a teenage customer comes in with a shoebox filled with about 40 unboxed games for the Nintendo DS.)

    Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d just like to get some cash for these games.”

    Coworker: “Alright, I just need to see some ID…”

    (My coworker does a quick check and finds that this particular customer is known for having sold us defective and illegally copied games.)

    Coworker: “Do all of these games work?”

    Customer: *face turns bright red* “Uhh… y-yeah. Yeah, they… they do.”

    Coworker: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Y-yeah.”

    Coworker: “Mind if I test this one out?”

    (My coworker proceeds to pull out his Nintendo DS. By now, the customer knows he’s been caught and begins shaking.)

    Customer: “Y-you know what, never mind. I’m f-f***ing outta here!”

    (He left his entire box of games on the counter. Most of them didn’t work, and the ones that did work were obviously copied. We never saw the kid again.)

    We With Consoles Are Always Ready To Console

    | Billings, MT, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a regular at a game supply store. All the managers and employees know me, and often ask me to help with customers. A customer and her young son walk into store.)

    Employee #1: “Hello and welcome to [game supply store], where we sell and trade used games. My name is [employee name]. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes… I was looking for a game for my son. I think it’s called [extremely outdated game].”

    Employee #1: “I’m sorry, we haven’t had any games for [extremely outdated console] in over four years. We could help you with finding another game from an up-to-date console if you would like.”

    Customer: “NO! I want that game for my son to play! He played it at the local pizza place on one of their arcade boxes, or whatever they’re called!”

    Employee #1: “Again, ma’am, we do not have [extremely outdated game], but we can surely help you find another game if you would like.”

    Customer: “Yeah? Then what about THIS one?!”

    (Suddenly, the customer grabs a brand-new game off the shelf and smashes it with her heels.)

    Employee #1: “Ma’am, you are gonna have to pay for that. Please stop or I’m gonna have to get management out here.”

    Customer: “Fine, go ahead! I don’t f***ing care! I want to talk to the motherf***ing management!”

    (The manager comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, is everything okay?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not f***ing okay! My son wants [extremely outdated game], and he wants it NOW!”

    (At this point, the customer’s child finally speaks up.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mommy, it’s okay. We can just get the game from [website].”

    Customer: “No, no, no, no! We are getting you this game from this store, TODAY! This happened because of your f***ing s****y employee not helping me!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we just can’t have people coming in and smashing our games just whenever they get mad. Again, you are going to have to pay for that, and then please leave the building.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, LEAVE the building?! I shouldn’t have to! I’m the customer! I’M ALWAYS RIGHT!”

    (With that, the customer loses all control and ATTACKS the manager and the employee #1. Employee #2 and I manage to get her on the ground while employee #1 calls the police. Surprisingly, her son remains completely calm during the entire situation.)

    Me: “Little boy, how are you just so calm in all this?”

    Customer’s Son: “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she kicked someone where it hurts a lot, ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.”

    Me: “Oh, well, do you have any other parents at home?”

    Customer’s Son: “Yeah, just call this number…”

    (He proceeds to take a folded piece of paper with delicately written numbers on it. I call the number. Before I can even explain the situation, the man on the other end of the line already seems to know what has happened.)

    Me: “Yes, hello?

    Man: “Oh, God… don’t tell me she did it again!”

    Me: “Yeeeeeeeeep.”

    Man: “Yeah, I’ll be over. Which store is it at this time?”

    (I give the man our store’s location. About 20 minutes, a big man enters the store. During this time, the police have arrived and are filing the report and interviewing everyone. I have just been interviewed when he comes up and talks to me.)

    Man: “Where is she?”

    Me: *points at cruiser*

    Man: “Thank God.”

    (After the big man leaves with the son, employees #1, #2, and the manager come up to me.)

    Employee #1: “Who was that?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but it sounds like tonight’s gonna be a good one for him.”

    (We later found out that the customer was the man’s wife, and the son was later moved to a different home. The son eventually would often spend days at the gaming supply store talking with the employees. Great kid, I’ll tell you that!)

    Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here

    | Victoria, Australia | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Top

    (I’m a 21-year-old girl at work and feeling a bit sad, having broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week. One of our regular customers, who is 24, is standing around talking to me and my female coworker. Another regular customer, a lovely elderly German man who we call ‘Dante’ because of his favourite game, comes in shortly afterwards.)

    Me: *to Dante* “Hello! How’s Dante’s Inferno going?”

    Dante: “Oh, it’s just great! I love it. But I’ve been playing some other games lately…”

    (He goes on to tell us what he’s been up to. The young customer joins the conversation, too. Once Dante has finished telling us what games he’s playing, he turns to the young customer.)

    Dante: “So, why do you hang around here, young man? I hope you’re not troubling these lovely girls.”

    Young Customer: “Nah, I just hang around and talk, really.”

    Dante: “Ahh, I see. You like one of these girls, huh? I know you do!”

    Young Customer: *laughs and turns red* “How do you know that?”

    Dante: “Well, if you come in every day just to chat, you must not have a girlfriend.” *turns to me* “Darling, are you single?”

    Me: “Umm, yeah. I am.”

    Dante: “You two should get together! You’re nice and he’s nice…” *turns back to the young customer* “…and you’d get free games!”

    Young Customer: “Oh, I dunno. She probably wouldn’t give me free games.”

    Dante: “Yes, she would! You’d be her boyfriend. She’d have to!” *turns to me and steps closer, talking softly in my ear* “Just think about it, yes? He’s a good boy. He’d be lucky to have a girl like you!”

    Me: *grinning ear-to-ear* “Thanks, I’ll think about it!”

    (Two months later, I realised how much of a ‘good boy’ the young customer really was, and it turned out that he’d had a crush on me for a while. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now, and a few weeks ago I ran into Dante at a local coffee shop. When I told him he’d been right about us, he was over the moon!)

    Much A-Poo About Nothing

    | London, UK | Language & Words

    (Our games are priced with the stickers in the top right hand corner. If there is a special offer sticker, this goes directly below the normal price sticker. A customer approaches me holding an old PS2 game which has the aforementioned stickers.)

    Customer: “How can you sell this filth?”

    Me: “What game is that you’re upset about, sir?”

    Customer: “POO PARADE! Sick filth!”

    (I take the game from him and remove the two price stickers.)

    Me: “There you go sir, now you can see the whole title. This game is called Pool Paradise. It’s simply a snooker and pool simulation game.”

    Customer: *leaves quickly*

    The Strong Arm Of The Law

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (Our store buys used video games to resell. It’s not uncommon for people to try to sell stolen merchandise, so we have a “bad trader” list. Two teens walk in, and one of them is on our list. I recognize them immediately.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [store name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, I want to trade some games in.”

    (Customer #1 hands me a stack of games, but it’s just discs…no cases.)

    Me: “Are you over 18 with a valid picture ID?”

    Customer #1: “No, but he is.”

    Customer #2: *hands me his ID*

    (I quickly look through the games. I take Customer #2′s ID and verify he is on our bad trader list.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take these.”

    Customer #1: “Man, why not?!”

    Me: “We just don’t need these in stock right now.”

    Customer #1: *getting aggressive* “I trade in here all time! You gotta take my games. There ain’t nothin wrong with ‘em!”

    Me: *stalling* “We can’t take them. I can check the computer and tell you what they’re worth, but I can’t take them.”

    Customer #1: “Okay, yeah…check ‘em.”

    (While I’m checking the games, a really big, burly guy walks in.)

    Burly Guy: *to me* “Ma’am, don’t give them any money for those games! I saw them steal those games from [retailer] across the street and take them out out of their packaging before coming in here.”

    (At this point, Customer #1 starts edging towards the door. The burly guy reaches out and grabs him by his collar with one hand.)

    Burly Guy: *whips out his police badge* “If you take one more step, I WILL taze you!”

    (The two thieves were arrested right then and there!)

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