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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • He Just Talks Really Loudly

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.)

    Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

    Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

    Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

    (The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

    Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Guy: “No!”

    Because Real Men Don’t Need (Or Follow) Instructions

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (This all began over the phone with a male customer who hadn’t received a instruction manual with their game.)

    Me: “Okay, so you didn’t receive a manual correct?”

    Male Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Can I bring it in and exchange it for another that has a manual?”

    Me: “Of course, just bring in both the game and the receipt.”

    Male Customer:“Ok, great. I should be there in about half an hour.”

    Me: “Sounds good.”

    (Half an hour later…)

    Male Customer: “Hey, I called about returning my game without the manual.”

    Me: “Oh yeah, sure. I’ve got the game ready for you and everything. So all I need is the receipt…”

    (A look of horror crosses the customer’s face, which is quickly replaced with a look of feigned puzzlement.)

    Male Customer: “… receipt?”

    Me: “Yes, receipt.”

    Male Customer: “You didn’t tell me to bring a receipt. Can we do it without it?”

    Me: “Er… no. I very specifically told you to bring one so we could do the transaction. Also, I need to know the games from our store.”

    Male Customer: “No, you didn’t! Look, I just drove across town to get here to get this stupid manual from you guys because you didn’t give it to me!”

    Me: “That was a factory defect sir, we don’t package the games, we just sell them. Also, there’s nothing I can do without a receipt.”

    Male Customer: “Well, can’t you just open that one–” *points to the new game I’ve pulled out for him* “–and give me the manual from there?”

    Me: “No, that would leave us with another game with no manual, only it wouldn’t be in our system. We can’t do the transaction and we also need to know that it’s from our store first.”

    Male Customer: “Look dude, just give it to me, your boss doesn’t have to know!”

    (I glance to my side where my manager is standing with a badge that says “Manager”. He sighs and quite calmly says… )

    Manager: “Sir, please go home, be a man and learn the game without reading the manual first. Thank you. Goodbye.”

    All Hail Wikipedia

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada |

    (A customer comes in, spends 30 minutes browsing games, then proceeds to talk to me for another 45 minutes about whatever. I hint several times for him to leave the store.)

    Customer: “Puzzle games are hard… I enjoy Halo way more. Why do you think people want to play puzzles anyways? And what’s with the word anyways? Z’s suck.”

    Me: “Just a second.”

    (At this time, I decide to try something desperate: I go to the computer on the counter and look up “puzzle” on wikipedia.)

    Me: “A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity. In a basic puzzle one is intended to piece together objects in a logical way in order to come up with the desired shape, picture or solution. Puzzles are–”

    Customer: “Okay, I get it.”

    Me: “–often contrived as a form of entertainment, but they can also stem from serious mathematical or logistical problems–”

    Customer: “Please stop.”

    Me: “–in such cases, their successful resolution can be a significant contribution to mathematical resear–”

    Customer: “Stop it, you a**. I get it.”

    Me: “–ch. Solutions to puzzles may require recognizing patterns and creating a particular order. People with a high inductive reasoning aptitude may be better at solving these–”

    Customer: “STOP IT, F*** WHY DON’T YOU F***ING STOP? WHY!?”

    Me: “–puzzles than others. Puzzles based on the process of inquiry and discovery to complete may be solved faster by those wi–”

    Customer: “FINE, I’LL BUY THIS SONIC GAME! SHUT THE F*** UP, JESUS CHRIST!”

    (I scan, take his money and wave him out.)

    Me: “Thank you, have a nice day.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU!”

    Puzzle on Wikipedia

    A Little Thing Called Responsibility

    , | Video Game Store |

    (I walked into a game store and there was a violent car jacking on the local news where a poor couple had been killed. The only person behind the counter is a good friend of mine and an middle-aged woman walks in.)

    Woman: “I can’t believe today’s violence. I blame that, the violent media.”

    Me: “Yeah, people are a little crazy these days.”

    Woman: *to my friend* “Can I have that Call of Duty 4 there, please?”

    My Friend: “Um, who are you buying this for? It’s a little survey the store is doing…”

    Woman: “Oh, of course! It’s for my 13-year-old son. ”

    (As soon as she left, my friend and I busted out laughing.)

    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

    Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

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