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  • Hear, Speak, Say, Play No Evil

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store].”

    Caller: “I was talking with my friend, about that game I wanted for my grandson? ‘Uncharted Drake’s Fortune’? I thought it was clean, but my friend told me it isn’t clean!”

    Me: “Clean, ma’am?”

    Caller: “You know, clean! Not evil?”

    Me: “It’s only rated ‘T’ for ‘teen’, ma’am.”

    Caller: “But is it clean? I don’t want my grandson playing any evil games. What’s this game about?”

    (I describe the premise of the game.)

    Caller: “So you’re killing the bad guys, then? You’re the good guy?”

    Me: “Exactly, ma’am.”

    Caller: “So you’re like God striking down Satan?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, something like that.”

    Caller: “Oh, good, I’m so glad! Now my friend was telling me that in this game people are digging up graves. Is that true? That’s just not Christian!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s only the bad guys digging up graves and making zombies.”

    Caller: “What’s a zombie? I’ve never heard of this.”

    Me: “Dead bodies that come back to life, ma’am? They’re supernatural creatures, like vampires or werewolves.”

    Caller: “Oh! This game isn’t going to teach my grandson to do any of that horrible witchcraft, is it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, like I said, only the bad guys are doing that. You’re the good guy; you’re trying to stop them.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay, then. Well thank you so much, and God bless you and everyone at your store, and God be with you!”

    By Then It Won’t Be So Modern

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have Modern Warfare 2?”

    Me: “No, sorry sir. We only sell pre-owned games.”

    Customer: “So it’s out of stock right now?”

    Me: “No, sir. Since the game only came out yesterday we won’t have it in unless someone decides they don’t want it.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have it?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “When will you have it?”

    Me: “In about two years.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back then.”

    Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

    Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

    Girlfriend: “Which one?”

    Boyfriend: “War.”

    Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

    Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

    Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”

    When Customers Have You At A Loss

    | Allentown, PA, USA |

    Customer: “What do I need to get a warranty for my Xbox?”

    Me: “Depends, did you buy it new or used?”

    Customer: “Used.”

    Me: “Okay, you still have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, if it’s been less then two weeks you can bring the receipt down here and we can sell you a warranty that’ll extend the manufacturer warranty for another 2 years.”

    Customer: “So, if I bring my Xbox over tomorrow and buy a warranty you can replace it for me right then?”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “My Xbox broke about a week ago and I wanted to know if I could get a warranty tomorrow and you guys give me a new one.”

    Me: “How long ago did you buy this?”

    Customer: “Two years ago.”

    Me: “No, you can’t do that.”

    Customer: “What!? Why not? You just said I could.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s like buy a car, driving it through the wall of an insurance company and then climbing out and asking for full coverage. It’s just not going to happen. It’s bad business.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you then!”

    Wireless, Clueless, & Hopeless, Part 3

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I have a console that can connect to the internet and every time I try to connect it asks for a password. It didn’t used to do that. Is there any way I can create a password for it?”

    Me: “That’s odd. Did you get a new router for your internet connection?”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “Do you have wireless internet in your house?”

    Customer: “I don’t have internet.”

    Me: “Sir, you are connecting to your neighbor’s internet. They didn’t like it so they put a password on their network so that you can’t connect to it.”

    Customer: “So can I set up a password and connect to it?”

    Related:
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

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