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  • Flipping Through The Atlas

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Language & Words, Top

    (I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)

    Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”

    Me: “Kumusta?”

    Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”

    Me: “Actually, I–”

    Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”

    Customer: “Come on! Say something!”

    Me: “Vamanos?”

    Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”

    Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Japanese!”

    Me: “Arigato?”

    Customer: “Now do Russian!”

    Me: “Vodka?”

    For Ditzy Customers, Please Press 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

    Me: “May I please speak with Mrs.***?”

    Customer: “Speaking.”

    Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah, I’m calling from [store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

    Not Down Low On The Download

    | Ontario, Canada | Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you have [this game] for PC?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

    Customer: “No thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”

    A Father’s Love Is Very Console-ing

    | Scotland, UK |

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you give me some advice please?”

    Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I was looking to buy a Nintendo 360 for my son.”

    Customer’s Son: “Dad! It’s an Xbox360!”

    Customer, to me: “This is how much help I need. Would you please?”

    (Not So) Heavy Brain

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]! Anything I can do for you?”

    (Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

    Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

    Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for 10 minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

    Me: “Uh…those were the opening credits.”

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