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    (Not So) Heavy Brain

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]! Anything I can do for you?”

    (Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

    Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

    Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for 10 minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

    Me: “Uh…those were the opening credits.”

    (Role) Playing The Fool

    | Winnipeg, Canada |

    (A customer asks me to tell him about the store and what we sell. I point out the board games, miniatures and card games, but he doesn’t perk up until I mention a well-known table top fantasy RPG.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a role-playing game. You get some people together, make characters and play out what they do on adventures.”

    Customer: “Is there a game going on right now?”

    Me: “Well, no. You need to get people together and organize.”

    Customer: “I’m only in town for three days.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s really a sit-down game. It takes a long time to play.”

    Customer: “Where do I go?”

    Me: “It’s a game you play with friends.”

    Customer: “I mean for a dungeon. You know, role-play?”

    Me: “I don’t…” *light bulb goes off* “Oh! This has nothing to do with that.”

    Customer: “Do you know where I could go to find it?”

    Me: “No! I don’t know anything about that!”

    Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

    Me: “I can’t help you. Excuse me.”

    (The customer wanders around a little longer, then asks about a poster we have for a live-action game with a picture of an immodestly-dressed woman on it.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s an ad for a live-action role-playing game. People get dressed up in costumes and play.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I meet her?”

    Me: “What? No.”

    Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

    Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | Southampton, UK |

    Me: “Good morning, [game store] how can I help?”

    Caller: “Can you tell me what’s coming out over the next three weeks?”

    Me: “Which format would you like, sir?”

    Caller: “All of them.”

    Me: “You want all the releases for all the formats for the next three weeks?”

    Caller: “YES!”

    Me: “Okay… on PS2, we’ve got Yakuza–”

    Caller: “Boring.”

    Me: “Um…we’ve also got The Godfather–”

    Caller: “That sounds rubbish.”

    Me: “Um…there’s Reservoir Dogs next week–”

    Caller: “I don’t even LIKE dogs. Why would I play that?!” *hangs up*

    Sizing Up Customers

    | Sheffield, UK |

    (An elderly female customer has been looking intently at the PC games for about ten minutes.)

    Me: “Hi, are you alright there? Do you have any questions?”

    Customer: “Oh yes. I have a PC upstairs, and a laptop downstairs.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “Will there games work on both? The CD tray is bigger on the PC.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “And smaller on the laptop.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re both the same size.”

    Customer: “But the laptop is smaller.”

    Me: “They will work on both, trust me.”

    The Tenth Circle Is Stupidity

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (A customer looks at our new game Dante’s Inferno.)

    Customer: “Is this, like about Dante from Devil May Cry?”

    Me: “No, it’s based off the poems.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s was originally a series of poems. The Divine Comedy.”

    Customer: “So, it’s a book?”

    Me: “No, it’s a game based off the poems from the Divine Comedy.”

    Customer: “What? So it’s a game then? What the heck is a poem?”

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