Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”
Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”
Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”
Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”
Customer: “Oh, alright. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”
Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”
Customer: “I’ve already got it.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”
Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”
Customer: “Yeah. Why?”
Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”
Customer: “I’m looking for a video game for my 14-year old son. Do you have any suggestions?”
Me: “God of War just came out, and that’s pretty popular. It’s kind of a hack and slash game. Let me show you.”
(I show her the game.)
Me: “I do want to warn you, it might not be appropriate for him.”
Customer: “Why is that?”
Me: “Well, it has a lot of boobs in it.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. My son loves boobs!”
(The phone is ringing off the hook and my co-worker finally answers it.)
Co-worker: “Hello this is [store name], how may I help you?”
Customer: “Do you have that guitar game that just came out?”
(My co-worker looks to me and I confirm we only have one left.)
Co-worker: “Yes ma’am, but we only have one left.”
Customer: “If you hold that f***ing game, I swear I’ll bring you homemade f***ing cookies.”
Co-worker: “It’s f***ing held.”
(Less than half an hour later, the woman comes in to pick up her game, with a huge bag full of homemade cookies.)
Me: “Hi, can I help you at all?”
Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a present for my son. It’s called a ‘gay boy advanced’?”
Me: “I’m hoping you meant a Game Boy Advanced?”
Customer: “Oh? What did I say?”
(Sundays are our busiest days for trades at our video game store. Six people are in line at my register, and the only other employee is on the floor fielding customer questions.)
Me: “Thank you for calling . How can I help you?”
Caller: "I’d like to get trade-in prices for some games I have."
Me: "No problem. We’re a bit busy in store right now, though, so I’ll only be able to give you prices on three trades over the phone. Any more, and you’ll have to come in to the store."
Caller: “Bull! It’s 1 PM on a Sunday. No way you have that many customers."
Me: *holding phone towards customers waiting in line* "Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the man who doesn’t think you’re here."
Me: "Any other questions, sir?"