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  • The Lesser Of Two Intergalactic Evils

    | Virginia, USA |

    (An elderly man dressed like a hippie is looking through our PS2 section.)

    Customer: “Now, this game has the right idea.” *gestures to a copy of ‘Destroy All Humans’* “Humanity is what’s killing mother Earth. The world would be so much better if we just got rid of them all.”

    Me: “Um, sir, do you really think a race whose primary weapon is an anal probe gun would really do any better?”

    Customer: *thinks it over* “No, I suppose you’re right.” *sadly puts the game back and walks away*

    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 6

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Top

    (I’m helping a customer in her early teens.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m trying to find a game for my boyfriend. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. What sort of—”

    Customer: “Oh, the guy on this is hot! What’s this like?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s the new Castlevania game. Basically, it’s about killing vampires and werewolves.”

    Customer: “What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!” *runs out of the shop with tears in her eyes*

    Me: “I feel so sorry for her boyfriend.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    You Have Unlocked The Lazy Moralist Achievement

    | Finland | Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this game.”

    Me: “Of course. Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

    (We sell game protection for all video games in case the customer breaks or scratches their game. It can be purchased for both new and pre-owned games.)

    Me: “I see this game was purchased new and you haven’t purchased our game protection, so unfortunately, I cannot give you a refund. What exactly is wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s too hard.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s too difficult!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really cannot give you a refund just because it’s too difficult to play. Have you tried searching for a walkthrough guide on the internet?”

    Customer: “Isn’t that cheating?”

    Me: “Well, yes but—”

    Customer: “Never mind.” *leaves*

    Can I Show You My Social Insecurity Card

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top

    (A customer is about to buy an M-rated game, which can only be purchased by people over the age of 17. My store is really strict about checking ID.)

    Me: “And may I see some ID, please?”

    Customer: “Why? What for?”

    Me: “Because this is an M-rated game, and I am required to ask for ID.”

    Customer: “Buddy, I’m 31, and it shows. You don’t need to see my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I do need to see your ID. Otherwise, I risk my job and the store risks a fine.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Normally, when people ask me for ID, it’s a compliment, but coming from you, you just sound like a bureaucratic snot! Don’t waste my time, and just sell me the d*** game!”

    (Another customer standing behind him taps him on the shoulder.)

    Customer #2: “Hey, you said you’re 31, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah! And this little punk is giving me a hard time about it!”

    Customer #2: “How old is your kid? You may be 31, but you seem a little too young to be the father of a 17-year old, which this game is intended for.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t have any kids. This game is for me!”

    Customer #2: *incredulously* “You’re 31 and still play video games?!”

    (The 31-year old customer turns red and leaves the store in a huff. Since he’s gone, I go on to serve the next customer.)

    Customer #2: “I’m actually older than he is and I play games, too. Since he was adamant about not showing his ID, I figured he had insecurities. I thought it would be fun to mess with him a little, and boy was I right!”

    Customer Service Does (Not) Speak Your Language

    | Topeka, Kansas, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “[Store Name], this is Grace. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: *thinking I heard her wrong* “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Caller: “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: “Um, not a lot.”

    Caller: *angrily* “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. I just don’t think I’m understanding you.”

    Caller: “WHAT’S ON THE DOWN LOW?!”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “WHAT TIME Y’ALL CLOSE?!”

    Me: “Oh, we close at 9 PM.”

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