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    Mommy More Melee

    | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids

    (A female customer who looks to be in her late thirties is at the counter asking about upcoming games releases for her 10-12 year old son, who is looking through the games on display. He runs up to the counter.)

    Child: “Mummy, mummy, can I have this game?”

    (He hands the 18+ rated game “Dead Island” to his mom, who looks at the back of the box.)

    Woman: *disgusted* “You’re not having this! Look, it’s got a man hitting a zombie with an axe on the back! I’ve got no problem with you shooting people, but an axe?!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3

    | Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A kid walks into the store and brings “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” up to the counter. He’s no more than 11.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you rent that game. It’s for over 18 only.”

    Kid: “My mom lets me play this all the time!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll have to get her to rent it for you then.”

    (The kid stomps off and returns with his mother. She brings the game up.)

    Customer: “I want to rent this.”

    Me: “Well, I should tell you that it is a very violent game.”

    Customer: “I don’t mind that.”

    Me: “Well, in this game, you can actually pick up a hooker and beat her to death afterwards to get back your money. There’s loads of graphic violence and bad language.”

    Customer: *alarmed* “Bad language?” *turns to her son* “Darren, you know you’re not allowed things with bad language!” *grabs him by the arm and storms out with him in tow*

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    The Lesser Of Two Intergalactic Evils

    | Virginia, USA |

    (An elderly man dressed like a hippie is looking through our PS2 section.)

    Customer: “Now, this game has the right idea.” *gestures to a copy of ‘Destroy All Humans’* “Humanity is what’s killing mother Earth. The world would be so much better if we just got rid of them all.”

    Me: “Um, sir, do you really think a race whose primary weapon is an anal probe gun would really do any better?”

    Customer: *thinks it over* “No, I suppose you’re right.” *sadly puts the game back and walks away*

    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 6

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Top

    (I’m helping a customer in her early teens.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m trying to find a game for my boyfriend. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. What sort of—”

    Customer: “Oh, the guy on this is hot! What’s this like?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s the new Castlevania game. Basically, it’s about killing vampires and werewolves.”

    Customer: “What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!” *runs out of the shop with tears in her eyes*

    Me: “I feel so sorry for her boyfriend.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    You Have Unlocked The Lazy Moralist Achievement

    | Finland | Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this game.”

    Me: “Of course. Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

    (We sell game protection for all video games in case the customer breaks or scratches their game. It can be purchased for both new and pre-owned games.)

    Me: “I see this game was purchased new and you haven’t purchased our game protection, so unfortunately, I cannot give you a refund. What exactly is wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s too hard.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s too difficult!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I really cannot give you a refund just because it’s too difficult to play. Have you tried searching for a walkthrough guide on the internet?”

    Customer: “Isn’t that cheating?”

    Me: “Well, yes but—”

    Customer: “Never mind.” *leaves*


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