(An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

(She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

Customer: “Bucks!”

Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

(She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”

(I have been talking to a father and son for roughly an hour about many different headsets, so that they can weigh all the pros and cons and decide on the best pair for them.)

Father: “Okay, we’ll take two of the [headsets].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we actually don’t have those in stock. We sold our last one today. I can check to see if somewhere nearby does if you’d like?”

Father: “Oh yes, absolutely!”

(I check in the system, and let him know the nearest store that has two of the headsets he wants.)

Father: “Thank you so much. Do I mention your name when I get there?”

Me: “No, sir, just ask for the headsets. They’ll pull them right out for you.”

Father: “But don’t you get credit somehow? You told me everything, and I’m not even buying from you.”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I really appreciate that you notice this, but I’m very happy to have directed you to a product you enjoy. It really makes my day just for you to want us to be credited with the sale.”

(The son pulls the father to the side and begins talking, then the two exit the store after waving and expressing their thanks. Around two hours later, I notice them come back in the store.)

Me: “Welcome back! Did something happen?”

Father: “Oh no. We got everything just fine. They had just what we wanted, but we felt so bad that you don’t get anything out of the deal, so we got this for you.”

(The son hands me a gift card.)

Me: “Wow, thank you! I can’t believe you did this. This is so nice!”

Son: “It’s not fair that you helped us, and we didn’t help you. I had extra allowance money.”

(I shake the father’s hand and give the son a big hug. I have the biggest smile on my face, and I praise them for being such wonderful people. It’s gestures like these that make me so happy to provide customer service where it’s needed.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a certain kind of video game. Could you help me?”

Me: “Sure, what were you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a game called Hollow.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that one before. Let me look it up in the computer for you.”

(I type in ‘Hollow’ on the computer. It’s giving me very few results. The closest thing we have is a DS game called ‘Time Hollow’.)

Me: “Here. Is this the correct game?”

Customer: “No, that’s the wrong game. The game I’m looking for is for the Xbox 360.”

(I attempt the search again.)

Me: “I really don’t know how to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a game called Hollow for the Xbox 360.”

Customer: “Bull-s*** there isn’t! The game isn’t even that old! You’re probably not even spelling it right. It’s only four letters long; how do you screw that up? H-A-L-O, it’s not that hard!”

Me: “Oh, you mean Halo! Oh, yes, we definitely have that in stock!”

Customer: “Then, why were you jerking me around like that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you said Hollow, as in H-O-L-L-O-W. I didn’t realize you meant ‘Halo’.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know how it’s pronounced? I’m not much of a game person!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, ‘Halo’ is a real word. It can be found in the English dictionary.”

(The customer glares at me.)

Customer: “Smart-a**.”

(We have started carrying a very popular toy line. We run out as soon as each shipment comes in.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I’d like to pick up [newest figure in the line], for my son.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re sold out of that one right now. We have another shipment coming in tomorrow. If you’d like to call in the morning, you can check then.”

Customer #1: “F****** ridiculous! Do you idiots think that this is a proper business model? I know that you have tons of them in the back room. You just put them out a few at a time to create demand!”

Me: “Trust me! With how fast this series is selling, we would put them on the shelves the moment we could.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, whatever. And they’re more expensive here than at [competing toy chain] anyway. Also, your displays are too confusing. And these video game displays are nothing but naked girls and guns! This place is disgusting! What message are you trying to send?!”

(Another customer intervenes.)

Customer #2: “This is a nation-wide company with thousands of stores. He’s standing behind the cash register on Tuesday night. No offense to him, but even if there was a corporate-wide toy conspiracy, does he look like he’d be in on it?”

Customer #1: “Still, I’m just… whatever. Idiotic place!”

(Customer #1 leaves in a huff.)

Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t mean to imply that you’re not important.”

Me: “Oh, you don’t have to apologize. That made my night. Would you like a free poster?”

(A customer approaches me. She is holding a rather rare DS game.)

Customer #1: “Hey, do you guys happen to have another copy of this game in stock?”

Me: “No, sorry. It’s not too often that we come across this one. It’s quite the gem.”

Customer #1: “D***. See, I want this game, but so does she.”

(She motions to another customer, Customer #2, standing next to the game shelf.)

Customer #1: “I guess we’ll have to settle this somehow.”

Me: “Um… just don’t get violent, okay?”

Customer #1: “Oh, we won’t!”

(After a bit of talking, the two come over to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Do you mind if we use your counter for a bit?”

Me: “I guess so.”

(The two customers stare at each other for a bit. Suddenly, they break into the most heated arm wrestling match I have ever witnessed in my life. Customer #1 barely struggles, and defeats Customer #2 very easily.)

Customer #2: “What? How did you do that?”

Customer #1: “I work in a kennel. Handling 100-pound dogs will give you a bit of arm strength!”

(The defeated customer leaves the store. I ring Customer #1 out. After she leaves, I start talking to my coworker.)

Me: “Dude. What just happened?”

Coworker: “I have no f****** idea.”