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    Roadkill Is A Feline-y

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Transportation

    (I’ve just started working on the reception and a customer comes rushing in.)

    Customer: “Oh, my god, you have to help. I’ve just run over a cat!”

    Me: “I think the vet is still in the building. If you bring the cat straight through to the back I’ll run and get him.”

    Customer: “I don’t have it with me!”

    Me: “Is someone else bringing it in? How injured is it? We can get everything ready.”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on [motorway at least 10 miles away], and I just wanted you to let the owner know.”

    Me: “So… you hit it on the motorway? And you want me to find the owner and let them know?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. I already feel terribly guilty and would feel worse knowing the owner didn’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll do my best. Thanks?”

    Trying To Give A Dogged Defense

    | NC, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a receptionist at a small animal hospital. I take a phone call.)

    Me: “[Hospital Name]. How may I help you?”

    Client: “Is it possible that my dog is gay?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Client: “I think my dog is gay, and my husband is very homophobic. He says we can’t keep the dog if it is gay.”

    Me: “What made you come to this conclusion, ma’am?”

    Client: “He sniffs other male dogs inappropriately. It makes the whole family uncomfortable.”

    Me: “Dogs often smell other dogs as a means of introduction, and they do smell each other’s hind end area to get acquainted. That is very common.”

    Client: “How do I make him stop this?”

    Me: “Is your dog neutered?”

    Client: “No, my husband does not want him neutered. He says it’s not fair to the dog.”

    Me: “Unaltered dogs can present these behaviors more frequently and sometimes can be more aggressive. It may help if you had him neutered.”

    Client: *yelling to her husband* “She says the dog won’t be gay anymore if we chop his balls off…” *a few moments of bickering between the couple* “Well, we can’t keep the dog if he’s gay, so when can we get him neutered?”

    Me: “Ma’am, neutering your dog will not stop him from sniffing other dogs. I was just suggesting that neutering him may calm him down and the behavior would be less frequent.”

    Client: “Can you just tell my husband that if we go through with the surgery that he won’t be gay anymore? I’m afraid he is going to make me give him up. He is terribly afraid of gays! He won’t even let the dog sleep in the bed until this gets figured out…”