October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Hang Ups Over Children

| Fremont, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic]. How can I help you today?”

(Note: the caller sounds around 4 years old. )

Caller: “Hello, is Aunt Betty there?”

Me: “I’m sorry, would you mind repeating that?”

Caller: “Can I speak to Aunt Betty?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Oh, Okay.”

Me: “Bye!”

(I hang up. 10 seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic], how can I help you today?”

Caller 2: “My niece just called here and must have got the wrong number.”

Me: *chuckling* “Yes she thought-”

Caller 2: “Well, next time don’t hang up on her!” *hangs up*

Putting The Spa In Spay

| Corona, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)

Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”

Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”

Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “How about a massage?”

Pulling A Not So Fast One

| Oakland, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(In California, we have laws that ban certain animals as being pets. Our shop is legally required to notify police when one comes in.)

Customer: “My poor ferret is sick!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, what is your name?”

(The woman tells me her name.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, but you can’t own a ferret in this state. I’m going to have to report you.”

Customer: “What? You can’t tell me that I can’t have a pet!”

Me: “Ma’am, ferrets are illegal in California by state law. They’re still considered a threat to local birds.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(She walks out and comes back in less than 5 minutes later.)

Customer: “I have a bunny who isn’t feeling well.”

They’re Not Zits, But They Rhyme With Them

| South Carolina, USA | Top

(Customer walks up to front desk in waiting room area and places kitty carrier on desk.)

Me: “Hi, do you need an appointment?”

Customer: “Uh. No. I just need some acne cream for cats.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: *pulls cat out of carrier and sets on desk* “See? She has acne on her belly.”

Me: “Those aren’t acne. Those are nipples.”

A Lack Of Common Scents

| Richland, WA, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [clinic], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to know how much it is to descent my cat. He was a stray that was eating our other cats‚Äô food and we decided to keep him.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t de-scent a cat. He may be spraying to mark his territory, and if he is, we can neuter him.”

Customer: “I assure you my cat has scent glands! He backs up to furniture, marks them, and if you startle him, he will turn around and try to mark you! And he’s mean too! If you try to come near him, he growls and tries to bite.”

Me: “Ma’am, cats don’t spray when startled usually. Are you sure it‚Äôs a cat?”

Customer: “Well, yes.”

Me: “What color is it, ma’am?”

Customer: “Black and white.”

Me: “What do his markings look like?”

Customer: “All black with two white stripes down its back.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not a cat. That is a skunk.”

Customer: “Well, you have obviously never seen a cat before!” *hangs up*

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