October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Why So Serious

| Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I am a vet assistant helping a woman who has brought in a small, very hyper dog. I lift the dog up on the table and it starts jumping all over the place.)

Me: *jokingly* “It must be part kangaroo!”

Woman: *very pointedly* “It’s. A. Dog.”

Me: *speechless*

Bestial Superiority Complexes

| France | Pets & Animals

(I’m a customer at the vet with my cat. Another customer walks in with a large dog.)

Receptionist: “Good morning! Do you have an appointment?”

Customer: “No, I just need to see the vet for vaccinations.”

Receptionist: “I’ll let him know you’re in, but you will have to wait. We have another patient with an appointment waiting.”

Customer: *looks at my cat* “But it’s just some cat! My dog is a pure breed and it cost 1000 euros!”

Me: “And your point is?”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry! Can’t you just wait a bit longer? Your cat isn’t a pure breed.”

Me: “Yes, but she has an appointment and your purebred dog doesn’t.”

(At this point, the vet comes in and asks me to bring my cat. As I walk in the exam room, I can hear the customer complaining.)

Customer: “No self-respecting vet would make a pure breed wait!”

A Dogged Request

| Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

(My boss, the groomer, does a thing called “stripping”, which is basically plucking the hairs off the body of a wiry-haired dog with a special brush. My coworker answers the phone and I’m right there listening to the conversation. It’s a man who owns an Irish Terrier.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to speak to your stripper!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I need to make an appointment with your stripper!”

Coworker: “Um, do you mean our groomer?”

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re saying. I need the stripper to strip my Irish dog!”

Coworker: “All right. I’m just gonna put you on hold so I can put the…stripper…on the line.”

You’ve Got To Be Kitten, Part 2

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [vet hospital]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I found some kittens. I am trying to get them to eat. They are small and I don’t think they should be away from their mom.”

Me: “Okay. Are you able to get some milk replacer from the store?”

Customer: “Well, I bought some kitten food. They won’t eat it. I am trying to get my cat to nurse them.”

Me: “Is your cat the mother of the kittens?”

Customer: “No, but I am trying to get him to nurse them. How can I do that?”

Me: “Him? Your cat is a male?”

Customer: “Yes, but I thought cats would adopt kittens and raise them.”

Me: “You want your male cat to nurse the kittens?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Here is the phone number for the local cat foster program. They will be happy to raise the kittens for you.”

You’ve Got To Be Kitten

Remember Remember, Dismember Or Distemper

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet clinic]. How may I help you today?”

Client: “My dog is due for it’s dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper? We can set up an appointment for that.”

Client: “Yes, dismemberment. I need my dog to get his dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper.”

Client: “How much is the dismemberment shot?”

Me: “The distemper vaccine is [vaccine]. Would you like to set up an appointment for your dog to receive the distemper vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, please. I would like you to dismember my dog.”

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