July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

You’ve Got To Be Kitten, Part 2

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [vet hospital]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I found some kittens. I am trying to get them to eat. They are small and I don’t think they should be away from their mom.”

Me: “Okay. Are you able to get some milk replacer from the store?”

Customer: “Well, I bought some kitten food. They won’t eat it. I am trying to get my cat to nurse them.”

Me: “Is your cat the mother of the kittens?”

Customer: “No, but I am trying to get him to nurse them. How can I do that?”

Me: “Him? Your cat is a male?”

Customer: “Yes, but I thought cats would adopt kittens and raise them.”

Me: “You want your male cat to nurse the kittens?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Here is the phone number for the local cat foster program. They will be happy to raise the kittens for you.”

Related:
You’ve Got To Be Kitten

Remember Remember, Dismember Or Distemper

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet clinic]. How may I help you today?”

Client: “My dog is due for it’s dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper? We can set up an appointment for that.”

Client: “Yes, dismemberment. I need my dog to get his dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper.”

Client: “How much is the dismemberment shot?”

Me: “The distemper vaccine is [vaccine]. Would you like to set up an appointment for your dog to receive the distemper vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, please. I would like you to dismember my dog.”

When Intelligence Is Tempered

| OK, USA | Uncategorized

(I am talking to a customer about vaccines for dogs.)

Me: “The normal shots we give annually are distemper, parvo, rabies, and bordatella.”

Customer: “Okay. I wanted to be sure the distemper shot was part of it. My dog needs that.”

Me: “Okay. Would you like me to make an appointment for you?”

Customer: “Sure. Now, how long after the distemper shot will it take effect?”

Me: “What do you mean, take effect?”

Customer: “How long until my dog is nicer?”

Must Have Lymphed Their Way Through Biology

| St. John's, NL, Canada | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, well I’d like to do some tests on your cat.”

Client: “Which kind of tests, how does that work?”

Me: “I’d like to do some blood-work. We take it just like a doctor would take human blood.”

Client: “Cats have blood?!”

Nip-Picking

| Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A customer brings her dog to the front desk in a panic.)

Customer: “My dog has fleas, so I need you to help me. I have been using the flea medication you gave me, but I can still see flea eggs.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can see flea eggs?”

Customer: “I have been trying to pick them off, but they seem to be stuck.”

Me: “Ok, can you show me the eggs you have been trying to pick off?”

(Customer lifts up the dog to show me it’s belly.)

Customer: “See! These!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are not flea eggs, they are his nipples.”

Customer: “Nipples? But he’s a male, how does he have nipples? They have to be flea eggs.”

Me: “I assure you, he has no fleas, and the ‘eggs’ you have been trying to pick off are in fact his nipples.”

Customer: “Get the vet, you don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s a male! He can’t have nipples.”

Me: “Ma’am, do human males have nipples?”

Customer: *stares blankly for a moment* “Well s***!” *walks out*

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