Remember Remember, Dismember Or Distemper

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet clinic]. How may I help you today?”

Client: “My dog is due for it’s dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper? We can set up an appointment for that.”

Client: “Yes, dismemberment. I need my dog to get his dismemberment shot.”

Me: “Distemper.”

Client: “How much is the dismemberment shot?”

Me: “The distemper vaccine is [vaccine]. Would you like to set up an appointment for your dog to receive the distemper vaccine?”

Client: “Yes, please. I would like you to dismember my dog.”

When Intelligence Is Tempered

| OK, USA | Uncategorized

(I am talking to a customer about vaccines for dogs.)

Me: “The normal shots we give annually are distemper, parvo, rabies, and bordatella.”

Customer: “Okay. I wanted to be sure the distemper shot was part of it. My dog needs that.”

Me: “Okay. Would you like me to make an appointment for you?”

Customer: “Sure. Now, how long after the distemper shot will it take effect?”

Me: “What do you mean, take effect?”

Customer: “How long until my dog is nicer?”

Must Have Lymphed Their Way Through Biology

| St. John's, NL, Canada | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, well I’d like to do some tests on your cat.”

Client: “Which kind of tests, how does that work?”

Me: “I’d like to do some blood-work. We take it just like a doctor would take human blood.”

Client: “Cats have blood?!”

Nip-Picking

| Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A customer brings her dog to the front desk in a panic.)

Customer: “My dog has fleas, so I need you to help me. I have been using the flea medication you gave me, but I can still see flea eggs.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can see flea eggs?”

Customer: “I have been trying to pick them off, but they seem to be stuck.”

Me: “Ok, can you show me the eggs you have been trying to pick off?”

(Customer lifts up the dog to show me it’s belly.)

Customer: “See! These!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are not flea eggs, they are his nipples.”

Customer: “Nipples? But he’s a male, how does he have nipples? They have to be flea eggs.”

Me: “I assure you, he has no fleas, and the ‘eggs’ you have been trying to pick off are in fact his nipples.”

Customer: “Get the vet, you don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s a male! He can’t have nipples.”

Me: “Ma’am, do human males have nipples?”

Customer: *stares blankly for a moment* “Well s***!” *walks out*

You’ve Got To Be Kitten

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A caller says she’s found a kitten and is getting information on our services.)

Me: “…we also recommend spaying or neutering the kitten. This can be done around 4-6 months of age.”

Caller: “What would the cost be for that?”

Me: “A spay surgery runs about $100, and a neuter runs a little cheaper, around $70.  The spay is a bit more expensive because it’s more invasive and takes more time to do.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I would definitely do the neuter since it’s cheaper.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the surgery depends on the kitten’s gender. If it’s a female, it’ll be a spay, and if it’s a male, it’ll be a neuter.”

Caller: “Why the difference?”

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