You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me, Part 2

| USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(A young woman comes in to our vet with her fairly large house cat. The cat is upset, so the young woman takes him out of the box and begins cradling him like an infant. The cat seems much happier and is purring so loudly I can hear him several feet away. When the vet calls her, she switches the cat to her hip like a baby and moves to carry him into the office. Suddenly, another customer yells out.)

Other Customer: “OH MY GOD! I thought you had a baby! You can’t carry a cat like that!”

Young Woman: *looks at her still purring cat* “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

Other Customer: “But that’s how you’re supposed to hold babies! You can’t hold a cat how you’re supposed to hold a baby!”

Vet: “Ma’am, it really isn’t bad to hold him like that as long as it doesn’t upset him. And the cat is purring. He seems quite comfortable, so I don’t see a problem with it.”

Other Customer: *to everyone else in the lobby* “Someone back me up here. She can’t hold her cat like that!”

Me: “Why, because you don’t like it?”

Cat: “Meow?”

Related:
You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me

Meow Amore Vole Fe Ya

| Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Client: “Help, my cat is pregnant and I have no idea what to do now!”

Coworker: “Alright, do you have any un-neutered male cats in the house, or is she an outdoor cat?”

Client: “Yes, I have two un-neutered male cats in the house. Does it matter?”

Coworker: “Well, if you have un-neutered male cats in the house, that is likely how she got pregnant.”

Client: “That’s impossible. My male cats are gay!”

Business Cat Like A Boss

| USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Dispense With The Pedantries

| Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in here yesterday and picked up a liquid allergy medication for my dog.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You didn’t give me the right syringe to give it to them.”

(The customer places a bottle of medication and a plastic 3CC syringe on the counter. I pick up the the syringe and the bottle, which instructs the owner to give 5CC’s orally, three times per day. I test the syringe to make sure that it’s working properly.)

Me: “I’m sorry miss, but what problem do you seem be having with this?”

Customer: “Can’t you see that the instructions say to give 5CC’s per day?!”

Me: “I can see that.”

Customer: “Then why did you only give me a 3CC dispenser?”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any 5CC syringes. You’re supposed to fill the syringe up to the 3CC mark, dispense it, and then give another 2CCs.”

Customer: “But that’s not 5CCs.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That just isn’t going to work! 3CC’s plus 2CC’s isn’t 5CC’s!”

(I decide not to argue with her, so I go back into the back and grab another 3CC syringe.)

Me: “I’m sorry about the mix up. The doctor is very sorry. He says to give the dog the first syringe clear full. Then, fill this new syringe up to the 2CC mark, and dispense that orally.”

Customer: “Well, why couldn’t you have done that in the first place?!”

Color Me Stupid, Part 3

| Ohio, USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “I have a new kitten for an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, let me get some information from you…”

(I get a lot of information and come to the question about color.)

Me: “And what color is the cat?”

Customer: “It’s cream.”

Me: “Cream and white?”

Customer: “No, just plain cream colored!”

(We get back to the room and I take the cat out of the carrier. It’s a black cat.)

Related:
Color Me Stupid, Part 2
Color Me Stupid

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