Truly Terrible With Names

| USA | Funny Names

(I have a more ‘unique’ name for a girl. If someone just skips over my name or says it wrong, I don’t correct them. But sometimes people want to clarify.)

Me: “Good Afternoon. [Vet Clinic]. This is Joie. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. Did you say your name was Jody?”

Me: “No, sir. Joie.”

Caller: “Joanie?”

Me: “Uh, no. Joie. Like a baby kangaroo.”

Caller: “Oh, you said Julie?”

Me: “No, sir, Joie. But that’s okay. How can I help you?”

Caller: “And your name isn’t Julie?”

Me: “No sir. It’s Joie.”

Caller: “I prefer Julie to your name.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Can I call you Julie at least? I don’t like your name.”

Me: “No. No, you cannot.”

Caller: “Okay, I will call back later when I can talk to someone with a better name. Bye.”

One Customer And You’re Already Pooped

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am waiting to pick up my cat at the vet when I witness an exchange between the receptionist and a customer.)

Receptionist: “She’s doing well. She’s passed some formed feces—”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Receptionist: “Uh… It just means it’s solid—”

Customer: “But what does that MEAN?”

Receptionist: “What? Formed feces?”

Customer: “Yeah, that second one.”

Receptionist: “Oh… um… It’s her bowel movements.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Receptionist: “Number Two?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Receptionist: “Her, um, her poo, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”

Banking Is A Whole Different Animal

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

(My coworker takes a phone call.)

Coworker: “This is [Veterinarian]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “This is [Name]. My account number is [number]. I got an insufficient funds notice and I know I have enough in that account. You need to fix this!”

Coworker: “Sir, this is not a bank.”

Caller: “YES, IT IS! I just gave you my account number!”

Where Does The Fox Stay?

| England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat and five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

Me: “You could try phoning the [well known animal charity]?”

Client: “I’m not doing that!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

It’s A Dog-Gone Fact

| NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(Two techs have food poisoning today, so it is just me, a new girl, and the vet. We are in the middle of surgery when a very well-dressed customer and her blue heeler dog come in.)

Me: “Hi, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

Customer: “Nobody else is here, so you should help me now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am but we are in the middle of surgery and we are short-staffed today. So if you could please take a seat, I will help you when we are finished.”

Customer: “You are being rude! I am a paying customer!”

Me: “Okay then, ma’am. What is the problem today?”

Customer: “My dog is pregnant. I want to know how many puppies there are.”

Me: “Okay, and what is her name?”

Customer: “HIS!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “HIS name is Bandit.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but male dogs can’t get pregnant.”

Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU DONT KNOW S***!” *storms out*

Me: *sigh* “It’s only 9:30.”

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