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    Truly Terrible With Names

    | USA | Funny Names

    (I have a more ‘unique’ name for a girl. If someone just skips over my name or says it wrong, I don’t correct them. But sometimes people want to clarify.)

    Me: “Good Afternoon. [Vet Clinic]. This is Joie. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Did you say your name was Jody?”

    Me: “No, sir. Joie.”

    Caller: “Joanie?”

    Me: “Uh, no. Joie. Like a baby kangaroo.”

    Caller: “Oh, you said Julie?”

    Me: “No, sir, Joie. But that’s okay. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “And your name isn’t Julie?”

    Me: “No sir. It’s Joie.”

    Caller: “I prefer Julie to your name.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Can I call you Julie at least? I don’t like your name.”

    Me: “No. No, you cannot.”

    Caller: “Okay, I will call back later when I can talk to someone with a better name. Bye.”

    One Customer And You’re Already Pooped

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I am waiting to pick up my cat at the vet when I witness an exchange between the receptionist and a customer.)

    Receptionist: “She’s doing well. She’s passed some formed feces—”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Receptionist: “Uh… It just means it’s solid—”

    Customer: “But what does that MEAN?”

    Receptionist: “What? Formed feces?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that second one.”

    Receptionist: “Oh… um… It’s her bowel movements.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Number Two?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Her, um, her poo, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”

    Banking Is A Whole Different Animal

    | MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

    (My coworker takes a phone call.)

    Coworker: “This is [Veterinarian]. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “This is [Name]. My account number is [number]. I got an insufficient funds notice and I know I have enough in that account. You need to fix this!”

    Coworker: “Sir, this is not a bank.”

    Caller: “YES, IT IS! I just gave you my account number!”

    Where Does The Fox Stay?

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat and five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

    Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

    Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

    Me: “You could try phoning the [well known animal charity]?”

    Client: “I’m not doing that!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

    Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

    It’s A Dog-Gone Fact

    | NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (Two techs have food poisoning today, so it is just me, a new girl, and the vet. We are in the middle of surgery when a very well-dressed customer and her blue heeler dog come in.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Nobody else is here, so you should help me now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am but we are in the middle of surgery and we are short-staffed today. So if you could please take a seat, I will help you when we are finished.”

    Customer: “You are being rude! I am a paying customer!”

    Me: “Okay then, ma’am. What is the problem today?”

    Customer: “My dog is pregnant. I want to know how many puppies there are.”

    Me: “Okay, and what is her name?”

    Customer: “HIS!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “HIS name is Bandit.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but male dogs can’t get pregnant.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU DONT KNOW S***!” *storms out*

    Me: *sigh* “It’s only 9:30.”

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