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    Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

    Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

    Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

    Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

    Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

    Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

    Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

    Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

    Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

    Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

    Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

    Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

    Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

    Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

    Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

    Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

    A Muddied Understanding

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

    Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

    Me: “Mud baths?”

    Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

    When The Cat’s Away The Dogs Have A Spa Day

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the groomer at a veterinary hospital. Midway through my shift I go to grab a cat I have scheduled for a bath. To keep their stress to a minimum there is a room that is exclusively for cats. All boarding and grooming cats are kept there. As soon as I enter the room the cat is already growling and hissing. Take note: the cat has a short coat and the hair looks very shiny. After a quick glance at the chart I call up the owner.)

    Me: “[Cat] is already a little grumpy, so I’m a bit hesitant to work on him. I don’t want to stress him out any more than I have to. His coat looks pretty clean. Was there a particular reason you wanted him washed today?”

    Client: “Well, my dogs are there to get groomed all the time, getting their spa days. I didn’t want him feeling left out…”

    Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket…

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in and is very concerned about the ‘tumor’ on her male dog’s stomach.)

     Me: “That’s not a tumor, ma’am. It’s called a bulbus glandus. It just means he’s, um, really happy to see you.”

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