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    Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

    Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

    Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

    Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

    Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

    A Muddied Understanding

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

    Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

    Me: “Mud baths?”

    Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

    When The Cat’s Away The Dogs Have A Spa Day

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the groomer at a veterinary hospital. Midway through my shift I go to grab a cat I have scheduled for a bath. To keep their stress to a minimum there is a room that is exclusively for cats. All boarding and grooming cats are kept there. As soon as I enter the room the cat is already growling and hissing. Take note: the cat has a short coat and the hair looks very shiny. After a quick glance at the chart I call up the owner.)

    Me: “[Cat] is already a little grumpy, so I’m a bit hesitant to work on him. I don’t want to stress him out any more than I have to. His coat looks pretty clean. Was there a particular reason you wanted him washed today?”

    Client: “Well, my dogs are there to get groomed all the time, getting their spa days. I didn’t want him feeling left out…”

    Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket…

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in and is very concerned about the ‘tumor’ on her male dog’s stomach.)

     Me: “That’s not a tumor, ma’am. It’s called a bulbus glandus. It just means he’s, um, really happy to see you.”

    Threat Of A Roverdose

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a vet clinic. One of my coworkers answers a call from a customer we had a few days earlier.)

    Customer: “Yes. I’m calling to complain about the service I received the other day.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Four days ago I came over because my dog had parasites. The veterinarian gave me a prescription that says: Give 15 cc once daily for three days. But I don’t know what cc are.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry about the confusion. CC and milliliters are actually the same. If you look closely on the syringe we gave you, you can see that both cc and ml are written on it, next to the number.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve studied pharmacology and I’ve never heard of cc’s so you shouldn’t put it. Also. how am I supposed to give 15 cc to my dog if you only gave me a 5 ml syringe?”

    Coworker: “As I’ve told you, the syringe is graduated in both cc and ml. We give smaller syringe because it makes the medication easier to give. To give 15 cc, you have to give three syringe of 5 cc.”

    Customer: “But I only have one syringe, and I don’t know what cc are!”

    Coworker: “So what have you been giving your dog for the past few days?”

    Customer: “Well, since your prescription was so unclear, I’ve been giving him one full syringe per day.”

    Coworker: “So… you didn’t understand the prescription we gave you, and instead of calling us right away for us to clarify everything you decided to just give him a random amount? And you say you’ve studied in pharmacology?!”

    Customer: “Yes, because your instruction were unclear. You really have to tell your vets that their service is severely lacking!”

    Coworker: “All right… I’ll give them the message.”

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