Sick Of His Secrets

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man brought his little dog in because she wasn’t eating or going to the bathroom. The vets examined her and found that she had something stuck in her stomach blocking entrance to her small intestines. We ended up inducing vomiting. My job was to search for what could have caused the blockage.)

Me: *digging through the pile of vomit with a tongue depressor* “Ugh. Why is there so much stuff here? The guy said she wasn’t eating!”

Coworker: “Never thought I’d be digging through puke on a Saturday morning. Hey, what’s this?” *holding up a pink lacy thong with fishnet stockings stuck on it*

Me: “Oh, my god.”

(We bagged it up so the vet could show the client before sending it to the lab.)

Vet: “Sir, we found the cause of the blockage.”

Client: “Oh. OH. OH, MY… Can… can you please dispose of it?”

Vet: “We have to send it to the lab. Don’t worry; we’ll have them dispose of it.”

Client: “Thank you…”

(After he left, we all just about died laughing.)

Get The Name Right Or You’re Going To Have Kittens

| France | Pets & Animals

(I’m the stupid customer in this story. I’m phoning a veterinarian for the very first time in my life.)

Receptionist: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello. May I have an appointment this week, please?”

Receptionist: “Why, exactly?”

Me: “I just adopted a kitten and I’d like to make sure everything’s all right, to know about vaccinations and so on, you see?”

Receptionist: “All right. What about Wednesday at 10?”

Me: “That’s okay for me.”

Receptionist: “What’s the name?”

Me: “My name or the cat’s name?”

(I realize I just asked a really stupid question – as if the cat was going to enter and say her name!)

Receptionist: “Your name.”

(I really felt stupid…)

An Odd Place To Have A Pet Hate

| TX, USA | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(This is a phone call I received from a client.)

Me: “Animal Clinic, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was hoping to reschedule my appointment. I tried coming in yesterday, but the lobby was very full of pets, and it aggravated my allergies. Could I make an appointment for a time when the lobby won’t be full of pets?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that this is a veterinary clinic? I cannot guarantee that the lobby won’t have other pets in it at any time. First thing in the morning will probably be your best bet for it not being too crowded.”

Customer: “Okay, but if the lobby is too full of pets again, then I’ll have to leave. You really should be more considerate about people’s allergies.”

Entreating You For The Treats

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I lock up and clean the vet clinic where I work. It’s a Saturday evening after a long, busy day. I’m in the middle of mopping the main lobby when I hear a knock at the glass door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed until Monday morning.”

Man: “Miss, please, you have to let me in!”

Me: “I can’t let you in. There is an emergency vet clinic down the road if your pet needs a veterinarian.”

Man: “No, please, it’s an emergency!”

Me: “I can’t let you in! I could be fired!”

Man: *starts shaking the door*

Me: “SIR! Please stop doing that! I told you I can’t let you in! If you continue to shake the door, I’m going to call the police!”

Man: *on the verge of tears* “Please… please, let me in….”

Me: “Do you need to pick up medicine or something? I can’t let you in, but maybe I can call my boss to help you.”

Man: “No, I need [Brand of dog treats].”

Me: “There’s a pet store down the street that sells them as well.”

Man: “REALLY?”

Me: “Yes…”

Man: “THANKS! I OWE YOU!”

(I never saw him again. Dude, I hope you got your treats.)

Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

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