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    The Problem Is The Problem

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    Customer: “Hello, I own a house I’m trying to sell. The potential buyer had an engineering inspection done, and the inspector told me to call you to come out.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, we need something to go on here. Do you know what we’re looking for, or where we should look?”

    Customer: “All I know is the inspector told me to call [Utility Name], and have them come out.”

    Me: “Did they say what was wrong?”

    Customer: “No! Why are you making this so hard?”

    Me: “In order to send a crew out to potentially fix something, we have to have some idea what is broken. Also, whatever is broken might turn out to be customer owned, and not our equipment. In that case we will not be able to. Lastly, we need to send different crews for different issues. In order to send the correct people, we need to know what we’re dealing with.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why this has to be difficult! I’m reporting an issue to you, and I need you to come out and fix it. Why can’t you just send somebody out! I don’t understand why this is so hard!”

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You want me to send out a crew to repair something, but you don’t know what is broken, why you need us to come out, or if it is even an issue on our end, or our responsibility at all?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    He Knows He’s Full Of Malar-Key

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in customer relations for a major utility. A landlord is upset that we haven’t gotten a meter read prior to transferring service into his name.)

    Me: “I see we have a key on file, but it appears it stopped working a few months ago.”

    Customer: *very irate* “Well, I don’t know why that would have happened. I think your meter reader was just being lazy and didn’t feel like doing his job!”

    Me: “Sir, did you by any chance change the locks on your building?”

    Customer: *nervous stammering* “N-no… I did not.”

    Me: “Usually, the key stops working only because the locks are changed or broken. Did your tenant change the locks by chance?”

    Customer: “No, I’m the only one that changes the locks on my building! That tenant was evicted, and I had to change the locks to keep them from stealing from me!”

    Me: “So, you DID change the locks, then?”

    Customer: “Er… um… well, why wasn’t I notified that the key was no longer working?!”

    Me: “So, you wanted us to notify you that YOU changed the locks on your own building?”

    Customer: “I’m so F***ING sick of your company!” *click*