Obviously, They Prefer Fartissimo

, | Huntington Beach, CA, USA | School

(In music, “pianissimo” means “very quiet”. It is abbreviated as “PP” on sheet music and scores. Currently, I am teaching a student who always pounds the keys, no matter what dynamic level is indicated.)

Student: “Oh no! This has PP!”

Me: “Yep, it’s a quiet piece.”

Student: “I hate PP! It’s too hard to do. I can’t do PP!”

Me: “Sounds like a personal problem to me, buddy…”

It Works Better When Fed Cheese

, | California, USA | Technology

(Our college has students of all ages in attendance. Sometimes, the older ones need a little more guidance with using technology. Today, an older gentleman approaches my help desk brandishing several handwritten sheets of lined paper.)

Student: “My teacher says I need to type this.”

Me: “Okay! Well, I think the best program is Word. Just double-click on that blue “W” right there.”

(The student pokes the monitor’s screen with his index finger.)

Me: “Ah, well, actually, we don’t have touchscreens. You have to use the mouse. See?”

(I gesture to the mouse.)

Student: “Oh, okay.”

(He picks up mouse, places it on the monitor screen and clicks. The he looks at me expectantly.)

Me: “Er, well, you have to use it on the mouse pad.”

(I take the mouse and put it back on the mouse pad. Then I show him that when moving the mouse, the cursor on the screen moves.)

Student: “It’s not working very well. Maybe you guys didn’t feed it enough.”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7

| United Kingdom | Family & Kids

(I hand out a vocabulary list to a class of 8-9 year olds.)

Me: “Does anyone know any of the words?”

Student: “I know what twilight means!”

Me: “Go on, tell us what you think it means.”

Student: “Actually, I’m not completely sure, but it’s got something to do with vampires…”

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

His Requirements Don’t Add Up

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi. I’m calling about your GED program.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have a specific program for the GED. I can assure you that all of our tutors are more than able to tutor the level of math on the GED.”

Caller: “Well, I’d like someone who has personal experience with the GED.”

Me: “Yes, but the GED test is for people who weren’t able to graduate high school.”

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “So, you want to be tutored by a tutor who didn’t graduate high school?”

Caller: “You don’t have anyone?”

Me: “No. All of our tutors graduated with honors and are now in college.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, can you let me know if you ever get someone who is qualified?”

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Canadians

| Auburn, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a Canadian citizen, but I’ve lived in the US for 12 years.)

Student: “Canadians talk funny.”

Me: “I’m actually from Canada, you know.”

Student: “But, you don’t live in the woods!”

Me: *amused* “Well, not all Canadians live in the woods, you know. They live in cities as well, just like here.”

Student: “So, did you come here to have a better life?”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan
Yukon Spend It
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
Yukon See It On A Map

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