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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Eternal D**nation, Pleasant Atmosphere

    | Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada | Top

    (I’m the manager of a customer service department, and this guy had been hassling our representative for 10 minutes, so I jumped on the call.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, **** speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Listen sweetie, I just want the phone number for **** company.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I just want the number for **** company, so you can go ahead and give it to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we cannot give out the phone numbers of our suppliers. Our customer service department is not supplied with them, as we cannot give them out. Just as we would not give out your phone number, we cannot give out theirs.”

    Customer: “You’re lying to me. Give me the number! I work for a multi-billion dollar corporation, and we give out phone numbers all the time.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. Maybe you could look it up online.”

    Customer: “Just let me speak to your secretary; she’ll give it to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have one. Even if we did, she couldn’t help you.”

    Customer: “You’re a liar! Do you got to church?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re a liar, and you’re going to burn in H***.”

    Me: “You know what? I’m OK with that.”

    Customer: “What?! You’re going to burn in H***!”

    Me: “Well, as long as H*** is somewhere you’re not going to be, I’m still fine with that.”

    Do Not Doubt The Credibility Of The Map

    | Alaska, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Travel, this is ****, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Um, yes. You’re located in Alaska, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Is that near Hawaii?”

    Me: “No, sir. Not at all.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna talk to a manager. This map shows y’all are right next to each other, and I wanna know why one’s so dang hot and the other’s so dang cold.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re actually reading the insets on a map of the continental United States. Alaska and Hawaii are several thousand miles apart.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    My Hand Is Bigger Than Texas

    | Montreal, Canada | Uncategorized

    (The customer is calling to book reservations for her family at a large Orlando theme park.)

    Customer: “I want a hotel room with an ocean view.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am; Orlando is located in Central Florida, and is not on the coast. Would you like me to book you a room with a view of the lake instead?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want a d***ed view of the lake. I know you can see the ocean from there! I’m looking at a map of Florida right now, and it’s obvious how narrow it gets there. The ocean is very close on both sides, so book me a d*** ocean view room!”

    Me: “You might want to check your map for a scale. I’ve been to Florida many times, and Orlando at least an hour’s drive to the ocean. There is no way you can see the coast from the resort.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just call another travel agent who’s actually willing to help me book what I want.”

    Me: “Er…ma’am, if you can find an ocean view room in Orlando I will personally pay for your vacation out of my own pocket. Good luck with that.”

    Bison Wings Has An Interesting Ring To It

    | Calgary, Canada | Uncategorized

    Client: “I need a flight.”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Where to?”

    Client: “Bison.”

    Me: ¬†”Um… okay, ma’am. And that is?”

    Client: “In the US.”

    Me: “Sure… and what state?”

    Client: “I am not sure, but I need one leaving Friday.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find any flights to Bison.”

    Client: “It’s a BIG place. ”

    Me: “Do you mean Buffalo, New York?”

    Client: “We don’t call them BUFFALO anymore.”

    Me: “Ma’am, they didn’t change the name of the city.”

    Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.)

    Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?”

    Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.”

    Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?”

    Me: “No…”

    Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?”

    Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.”

    Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!”

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