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  • Do Not Doubt The Credibility Of The Map

    | Alaska, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Travel, this is ****, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Um, yes. You’re located in Alaska, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Is that near Hawaii?”

    Me: “No, sir. Not at all.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna talk to a manager. This map shows y’all are right next to each other, and I wanna know why one’s so dang hot and the other’s so dang cold.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re actually reading the insets on a map of the continental United States. Alaska and Hawaii are several thousand miles apart.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry.”

    My Hand Is Bigger Than Texas

    | Montreal, Canada |

    (The customer is calling to book reservations for her family at a large Orlando theme park.)

    Customer: “I want a hotel room with an ocean view.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am; Orlando is located in Central Florida, and is not on the coast. Would you like me to book you a room with a view of the lake instead?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want a d***ed view of the lake. I know you can see the ocean from there! I’m looking at a map of Florida right now, and it’s obvious how narrow it gets there. The ocean is very close on both sides, so book me a d*** ocean view room!”

    Me: “You might want to check your map for a scale. I’ve been to Florida many times, and Orlando at least an hour’s drive to the ocean. There is no way you can see the coast from the resort.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just call another travel agent who’s actually willing to help me book what I want.”

    Me: “Er…ma’am, if you can find an ocean view room in Orlando I will personally pay for your vacation out of my own pocket. Good luck with that.”

    Bison Wings Has An Interesting Ring To It

    | Calgary, Canada |

    Client: “I need a flight.”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Where to?”

    Client: “Bison.”

    Me: ¬†”Um… okay, ma’am. And that is?”

    Client: “In the US.”

    Me: “Sure… and what state?”

    Client: “I am not sure, but I need one leaving Friday.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find any flights to Bison.”

    Client: “It’s a BIG place. ”

    Me: “Do you mean Buffalo, New York?”

    Client: “We don’t call them BUFFALO anymore.”

    Me: “Ma’am, they didn’t change the name of the city.”

    Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.)

    Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?”

    Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.”

    Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?”

    Me: “No…”

    Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?”

    Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.”

    Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!”

    I Could Not, Would Not, On A Boat, But Maybe A Goat

    | Europe |

    Me: “Hello, *** Travel. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Caller: “Do you offer cruise packages?”

    Me: “Yes sir, we do.”

    Caller: “Would that be on a ship?”

    Me: “…”

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