Customer: “Hello! I live in Chicago and am looking to book a trip to Los Angeles, but I have heard there have been a lot of earthquakes in Alaska lately. I wanted to know if you all had felt them down there and if it was safe.”

Me: *Confused* “Alaska? Ma’am, Alaska is extremely far away from us. We wouldn’t be affected by their earthquakes.”

Customer: “No! Alaska is on the west coast just like California! I want to know if you have felt the earthquakes and if it is safe! I read all about the earthquakes happening there.”

Me: “Ma’am, we haven’t felt any of the earthquakes here. Alaska is over 3,000 miles away from us.”

Customer: “Look. I just want to know if it is safe because you are both on the west coast!”

Me: “Ma’am, have you felt the earthquakes? Chicago is the same distance from Alaska as Los Angeles is.”

Customer: “Ugh, you are so unhelpful!” 

Related:
Demanding To A Fault(line), Part 2
Demanding To A Fault(line)

My phone rings.

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “This is [Caller] from [Vacation Package Company]. How are you doing today?”

Me: “Terrible. I just rehomed my cat and my newborn is in the hospital awaiting surgery. Thanks for calling.”

Caller: “…”

Me: *Click*

I only answered because I thought it might be the hospital.

Many years ago, before Internet purchases were common, we ran a travel agency. We had one woman call to reserve and hold a ticket.

Me: “Ma’am, this ticket can be held for twenty-four hours. If not paid for by then, the reservation will be canceled, and it will be quite likely that you will not find another seat at this price.”

She called back to pay for the seat two or three days later, and of course, the reservation was gone.

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Get me that price or I’ll kill you!”

I hung up and called the police, supplying them with all of the personal information that the genius had conveniently provided to make the reservation.

Ten minutes later, she called back and made ANOTHER death threat, this time in retribution for calling the cops. Another police call was made. We never heard from her again, but I can’t imagine that things went very well for her after that point.

Me: “Hello, you’re speaking to [My Name]; how can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like to pay the balance on my tour, please, with a credit card.”

Me: “Great, that’s [amount]. Whenever you’re ready, please just let me know the card number.”

Customer: “Okay, let me just go get my card from the other room.”

The customer put down the phone for five minutes while looking for their card.

I’m what’s called a rep, which means some kind of a tour-guide. We are a Scandinavian company with only Scandinavian guests. We do different things, like taking them on excursions, welcoming them at the airport, and guiding them on the buses. We also have hotel service; we show up at the hotels to let them book excursions and answer questions.

I’m visiting one of the hotels, and when I arrive, the woman in the reception is talking with someone on the phone. I go to sit down and wait for guests to arrive, and I remember I’ve got something for the receptionist.

When I walk over, she’s still on the phone, and she’s telling the person on the other end the same thing over and over again. She tells them that there’s someone from the company he’s travelling with here, and after a couple of minutes, she gets him to agree to speak with me.

Receptionist: “This hotel is all [My Company]’s hotel, and this guest wants to change something with his room booking. Please explain to him that he needs to take his request with you and pay for the request to you, as well. We can’t take any money from him as he’s your guest.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try to explain it to him, but I doubt that he will listen to me more than you.”

The receptionist hands me the phone and I’m settling for a long discussion with a furious guest.

Me: *In Scandinavian language* “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company].”

Guest: *Starting to speak in English* “Hello, yeah, I’m coming down on… Eh, do you speak [Scandinavian Language]?”

Me: “Yes, I do. So, what can I help you with?”

He changes languages.

Guest: “Oh, okay, then! Well, I’m coming to the hotel this weekend and was wondering if [same request as the receptionist was explaining to me] could be fixed?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is absolutely no problem!”

I explain to him how he’s going to fix his request, in the exactly same way the receptionist did, only in our language.

Guest: “Oh, so that’s how I fix it? Okay, then, thanks a lot! I’ll see you next week, then! Bye.” *Click*

He left both me and the receptionist speechless!