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  • Making False Bald Statements
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    Customer Service Speaks Your Language

    | Clearwater, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer calls on phone asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to pick up my friend getting off the bus depot. Where are you located?

    Me: “We are 1/2 mile east of [road], across the street from [sports bar].”

    Customer: “What’s that? Could you spell that for me?”

    (I proceed to spell the name of the establishment.)

    Customer: “Oh, [sports bar]. You should have just said ‘boobies’! That would have been much faster.”

    Misunderstanding Headwind

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (I am selling an elderly woman an airline ticket for her first trip on a plane.)

    Me: “Would you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat on the plane?”

    Customer: “Oh I think I’ll take an aisle seat. I plan on getting my hair done before the trip and I don’t want it blowing around.”

    I Have A Sinking Feeling

    | Oak Harbor, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Note: We have posters of real and fictional places on the walls.)

    Customer: “Can I book a trip there?” *points at a poster of Atlantis*

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a real place.”

    Customer: *angry* “Then why is it on your wall!? That confuses people!”

    Me: “We figured most people knew that there are no cities under water.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t assume everybody is that smart!”

    Giving The French Stick

    | AK, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

    (His friends are snickering.)

    Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

    Customer: *pauses* “What?”

    Me: “Do you want Paris IL, or Paris TN?”

    Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

    Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

    Customer: “Berlin?”

    Me: “So, Connecticut?”

    Customer: “Moscow?”

    Me: “Idaho?”

    Customer: “You’re making that up.”

    (I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

    Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”

    Mountainous Gaps Of Knowledge

    | Brighton, UK | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

    Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

    Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

    Me: “Well places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

    Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

    Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

    Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”

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