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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Giving The French Stick

    | AK, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

    (His friends are snickering.)

    Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

    Customer: *pauses* “What?”

    Me: “Do you want Paris IL, or Paris TN?”

    Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

    Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

    Customer: “Berlin?”

    Me: “So, Connecticut?”

    Customer: “Moscow?”

    Me: “Idaho?”

    Customer: “You’re making that up.”

    (I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

    Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”

    Mountainous Gaps Of Knowledge

    | Brighton, UK | Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

    Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

    Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

    Me: “Well places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

    Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

    Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

    Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”

    Here Today, Gone To Maui

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Geography

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

    Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

    Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

    Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”

    Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

    Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

    Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

    Me: “Do you mean geography?”

    Caller: *click*

    On Shaky Ground With This One

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (This happened shortly after a large, widely reported earthquake in Hawaii.)

    Me: “How can I be of assistance today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m interested in traveling to the Big Island in Hawaii.”

    Me: “Okay, and do you know which dates you want to travel on?”

    Customer: “Oh. Um, well…when does earthquake season end?”

    Please Stow All Carrion Baggage

    | Ketchikan, AK, USA |

    Customer: “I have two bodies I want to get from Craig to Ketchikan.”

    Me: “Alright, I would suggest you take the earlier flight so you have time to clear TSA with the bodies.”

    Customer: “What! One of the bodies is me!”

    Me: “Uh…you said you have two bodies you need to bring in from Craig. Are you talking about just needing two reservations?”

    Customer: “Well, duh! What did you think I was talking about!”


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