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    He’s Not All Aboard

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to make sure that my flight back to Israel departs as scheduled, and that my request for a kosher meal has been approved.”

    Me: “Sir, your ticket has already expired. Your flight was on May 15th.”

    Customer: “What?!? That’s not possible! I am absolutely sure that my flight is on May 29th!”

    Me: “Sir, have you perhaps changed your ticket’s return date?”

    Customer: “No way! I would remember that! I’m not senile. My flight is on May 29th and I did not change my ticket!”

    Me: “The computer says your flight was on May 15th. Could you look at the printout of your ticket and tell me what date appears there?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God…”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I forgot! I completely forgot! I am calling you from Netanya! I already am back in Israel!”

    Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography

    Customer: “I need some maps.”

    Me: “Maps of what?”

    Customer: “Places.”

    Me: “What kind of places?”

    Customer: “Other places!”

    This Trip Is Not Going To Pan-ama Out

    | Texas, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “I’ve never taken a cruise before, but I really want to try one.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help you plan your first cruise. Where would you like to visit?”

    Customer: “I’m thinking a short, roundtrip, tropical cruise, to either the Bahamas or the Caribbean.”

    Me: “Sounds great! We offer a wide variety of roundtrip Bahamas and Caribbean cruises. Which departure port do you have in mind?”

    Customer: “Vancouver.”

    They Swim Upriver To Mate

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

    Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

    Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

    Customer Service Speaks Your Language

    | Clearwater, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer calls on phone asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to pick up my friend getting off the bus depot. Where are you located?

    Me: “We are 1/2 mile east of [road], across the street from [sports bar].”

    Customer: “What’s that? Could you spell that for me?”

    (I proceed to spell the name of the establishment.)

    Customer: “Oh, [sports bar]. You should have just said ‘boobies’! That would have been much faster.”

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