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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Put Them In The Hot Seat

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I always like to follow up after a trip I have booked for a customer. A couple had booked a plane flight to Florida, a small rental car, and a few nights hotel on the beach.)

    Me: “Hi, Mrs. [Name]. This is [My Name] calling from [Travel Agency]. I just wanted to make sure you had a wonderful time on your trip.”

    Wife: “You’ll have to speak with my husband. I’m too upset to speak with you.”

    Husband: “I can’t believe you have the courage to call, after what you did. I’ve dealt with incompetence before, but you are the worst!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

    Husband: “When I booked the flight, I told you that I wanted an aisle seat, and my wife preferred a window seat. You had us backwards on all four flights!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just swap seats? Or, say something to a flight attendant, who would have told you to just swap seats?”

    Husband: “…” *click*

    No Vocation For Location, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a screen with special offers on the wall. Customer #1 is reading the board as offers flash by.)

    Customer #1: “Wait, Paris is in Europe?”

    Customer #2: “Really? Where did you think it was? Asia?”

    Customer #1: “I never really paid much attention in Geometry class.”

    (Customer #2 starts laughing as Customer #1 realizes what she just said.)

    Customer #1: “Yeah… didn’t pay much attention at all.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Straight-Talking Travel Agency

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, this is [travel agency]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I bought a tour to Prague from you a while ago, and yesterday I googled the hotel and… uh…”

    Me: “Yes?…”

    Customer: “Well, there’s lots of reviews online saying that the hotel is favored by homosexuals and lesbians.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’d like a different hotel, if you don’t mind.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It could be fun!”

    Customer: *laughing* “I’m not sure about that. I’m coming there with my wife, you know.”

    Me: “Think about it. You’re going abroad for an exotic experience. Why not go all the way and choose a hotel with a difference?”

    Customer: “I still think I’d be uncomfortable there. I have nothing against gay people, but still—”

    Me: “There’s no reason you should be uncomfortable… Unless, of course, you’re having certain doubts…”

    Customer: “No doubts, thank you. But how do I explain it to my wife?”

    Me: “Just tell her that if she doesn’t behave herself, you’ll leave her for another man.”

    Customer: *laughing hard* “Sold!”

    He’s Not All Aboard

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Extra Stupid, Geography, Top

    Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to make sure that my flight back to Israel departs as scheduled, and that my request for a kosher meal has been approved.”

    Me: “Sir, your ticket has already expired. Your flight was on May 15th.”

    Customer: “What?!? That’s not possible! I am absolutely sure that my flight is on May 29th!”

    Me: “Sir, have you perhaps changed your ticket’s return date?”

    Customer: “No way! I would remember that! I’m not senile. My flight is on May 29th and I did not change my ticket!”

    Me: “The computer says your flight was on May 15th. Could you look at the printout of your ticket and tell me what date appears there?”

    Customer: “Oh, my God…”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I forgot! I completely forgot! I am calling you from Netanya! I already am back in Israel!”

    Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography

    Customer: “I need some maps.”

    Me: “Maps of what?”

    Customer: “Places.”

    Me: “What kind of places?”

    Customer: “Other places!”


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