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    Marrying Together Archaic Ideas

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I have a long-time repeat client, old but quite nice. As I am finishing up going through the paperwork and vouchers for his identical biannual holiday with his wife, I inform him I won’t be able to assist with his next trip as I’d be on maternity leave but I’ll pass his file over to my manager and she’ll be quite happy to assist.)

    Client: *blank look* “But you’re not… married.”

    Me: “Well… no…?”

    Client: “How can you be going on maternity leave, then?”

    Me: “Because I’m having a baby?”

    Client: But you’re not MARRIED?!”

    Me: “Uh, I know, but I appear to be pregnant and as I am having a child I need maternity leave…”

    Client: “BUT. YOU’RE. NOT. MARRIED. How can you be PREGNANT?”

    (Every week for the next seven months he came into my office, sat in front of me, and implored me to go and get married, to anyone – maybe that man over there? – because I needed to be married to have a child. Well, I have a child and I’m still not married. Occasionally he goes back into my old store and asks if I’m married yet.)

    Will Need To Take A Different Beirut

    | Knoxville TN, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (It is the late 1990s. A couple walk in. She is obviously Jewish, he not-so-much. As it turns out, he is a Lebanese Druze.)

    Female Customer: “We’d like airline tickets flying into Tel Aviv and back from Beirut.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.” *types into the computer* “Meanwhile, how will you get from Tel Aviv to Beirut?”

    Female Customer: “Oh, we plan to rent a car and drive.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to find a rental car for that.”

    Male Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, right now the Israeli-Lebanese border is a war zone.”

    Put Them In The Hot Seat

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I always like to follow up after a trip I have booked for a customer. A couple had booked a plane flight to Florida, a small rental car, and a few nights hotel on the beach.)

    Me: “Hi, Mrs. [Name]. This is [My Name] calling from [Travel Agency]. I just wanted to make sure you had a wonderful time on your trip.”

    Wife: “You’ll have to speak with my husband. I’m too upset to speak with you.”

    Husband: “I can’t believe you have the courage to call, after what you did. I’ve dealt with incompetence before, but you are the worst!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

    Husband: “When I booked the flight, I told you that I wanted an aisle seat, and my wife preferred a window seat. You had us backwards on all four flights!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just swap seats? Or, say something to a flight attendant, who would have told you to just swap seats?”

    Husband: “…” *click*

    No Vocation For Location, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a screen with special offers on the wall. Customer #1 is reading the board as offers flash by.)

    Customer #1: “Wait, Paris is in Europe?”

    Customer #2: “Really? Where did you think it was? Asia?”

    Customer #1: “I never really paid much attention in Geometry class.”

    (Customer #2 starts laughing as Customer #1 realizes what she just said.)

    Customer #1: “Yeah… didn’t pay much attention at all.”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7
    No Vocation For Location, Part 6
    No Vocation For Location, Part 5
    No Vocation For Location, Part 4

    Straight-Talking Travel Agency

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, this is [travel agency]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. I bought a tour to Prague from you a while ago, and yesterday I googled the hotel and… uh…”

    Me: “Yes?…”

    Customer: “Well, there’s lots of reviews online saying that the hotel is favored by homosexuals and lesbians.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’d like a different hotel, if you don’t mind.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It could be fun!”

    Customer: *laughing* “I’m not sure about that. I’m coming there with my wife, you know.”

    Me: “Think about it. You’re going abroad for an exotic experience. Why not go all the way and choose a hotel with a difference?”

    Customer: “I still think I’d be uncomfortable there. I have nothing against gay people, but still—”

    Me: “There’s no reason you should be uncomfortable… Unless, of course, you’re having certain doubts…”

    Customer: “No doubts, thank you. But how do I explain it to my wife?”

    Me: “Just tell her that if she doesn’t behave herself, you’ll leave her for another man.”

    Customer: *laughing hard* “Sold!”


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