Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
    (3,191 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    It’s Never Too Late To Say You’re Sorry

    | Torino, Italy | Top

    (I work at the main train station information desk. An angry customer storms up to me after trying to get a ticket out of the automatic machines.)

    Customer: “Your g**d*** machines are broken, as usual!

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I wanted a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city] and your stupid machine won’t sell it to me! It’s broken, as usual!”

    Me: “Uh, sir–”

    Customer: “You guys are so useless! This is hopeless! Every time I come here, there’s a problem! You’re all a bunch of stupid f****!”

    Me: “Well, sir–”

    Customer: “All I want is a ticket for the 9:15 train! I get it every f***ing day, and there is always a problem!”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say it that–”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t you even try! Don’t you even try giving me that s***! Now, you’re going to tell me you don’t sell tickets. You don’t have control over the machines and everything, huh? You’re just a stupid information desk! Well, you know what? I’m not queuing up to the f***ing ticket office because you’re a g**d*** idiot!”

    Me: “If you just–”

    Customer: “You’re going to say you’re right, aren’t you?”

    (This goes ahead for a good five minutes. In the end, I just stare at him while he rants about how terribly stupid I am and how horrible the service is. I just keep silent and stare at him until he’s finished.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to give me that ticket or not?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s five past ten.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s five past ten. That’s why the machine won’t sell you a ticket for the 9:15 train–that train is gone almost an hour ago.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

    Me: “Sir, last night we switched back from daylight savings time. It means the clock went one hour ahead. It is not five past nine right now, but five past ten. That’s why you can’t buy a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city]. However, if you hurry up, you’ll manage the 10:15 one.”

    (The customer looks at me in disbelief, then looks at the time on the main train timetable, then at his own watch, and eventually back at me.)

    Customer: “Yeah…uh…I think I’ll try and catch that 10:15 one, then. Thanks…uh…and sorry.”

    Hugh Grant & Julia Roberts Would Disagree

    | London, UK |

    (Two tourists are buying London Underground train tickets to Notting Hill.)

    1st Tourist: “Where are we going?”

    2nd Tourist: “Notting Hill. It’s where Robin of Sherwood is from.”

    Shogun The Way To Go Home

    | Tokyo, Japan | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the local train station. Having spent half my life living in Los Angeles, and the other living in Tokyo, I speak both English and Japanese. The other station masters tend to bring tourists to me, since their English isn’t as good as mine. A tourist approaches me and speaks loudly, slowly, and with very large hand gestures)

    Tourist: “I’m trying to get to [station]! Can you help me?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I actually grew up in Los Angeles, so I can speak English.”

    Tourist: *still speaking in the same way* “No, I’m not from Los Angeles! I’m trying to get to [station]!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I just meant that I spent a lot of time in Los Angeles.”

    Tourist: “No! Not Los Angeles! [Station]!”

    (The woman’s husband, hearing his wife shouting, joins us.)

    Tourist’s Husband: *to his wife* “What’s going on?”

    Tourist: “This dumb guy keeps asking if we’re from Los Angeles!”

    Tourist’s Husband: “Why would he think that?”

    Tourist: “I don’t know!”

    Tourist’s Husband: *to me, speaking clearly, but not extremely slowly* “We’re trying to get to [station].”

    (I provide directions to the station.)

    Tourist’s Husband: “You speak English very well!”

    Me: “Thank you sir. As I tried to explain to your wife, I grew up in Los Angeles, so I speak English.”

    Tourist’s Husband: *sighs* “I’m sorry you had to put up with her. Thanks for the directions.”

    (As they are walking away, I hear the woman proudly tell her husband, “I told you those Japanese lessons we took would pay off!”)

    They’ll Never Survive Welsh

    | Manchester, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

    Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

    Me: “Sorry, where?”

    Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

    Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

    Tourist: “But…”

    Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

    (The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”

    The Cutter Gets Queued

    | London, UK |

    (I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.)

    Customer: “Five white chocolates!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.”

    Customer: “But I have to catch a train!”

    Me: “So does everybody else… this is a bloody TRAIN STATION!”

    Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy*

    Page 3/41234