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    Going Loco(motive)

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Transportation

    (I work security at a light rail. The last light rail heading south comes through my station at 11:38 pm. It is currently 11:50 pm.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, officer, when is the next light rail heading south supposed to come?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the last light rail heading south left at 11:38. There are no more running till tomorrow morning at 5:30 am.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I always catch the light rail later than this. You are full of s***! Just tell me when the next one is coming.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, their are no more coming tonight. I have been working at this particular station for six months, and can assure you that no more are coming tonight.”

    Patron: “Well, how the h*** are you getting home?”

    Me: “Well sir, when my shift ends, I drive myself home.”

    Patron: “Well, you’re gonna have to drive me home then.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I will not be able to do that. If you would like I can call you a cab. But there are no more light rails heading south tonight.”

    Patron: “Aren’t you security? You have to give me a ride home. It’s not my fault the f****** light rail stopped running early. Give me a f****** ride home.”

    Me: “No, sir, I will not give you a ride home. Unfortunately there are no light rails running south anymore, and if you are not catching the light rail north or east, I am going to have to ask you to leave, due to a no loitering law on the light rail stations.”

    Patron: “Bull-s***! I ain’t going nowhere if you don’t give me a ride!”

    Me: “Sir, if you refuse to leave, I am going to be forced to radio the light rail police.”

    Patron: “Call the mother-f****** police. I don’t give a f***!”

    (I go through with his “request” to call the police. When they arrive, he demands they give him a ride, and continues to refuse to leave. They end up giving him a ride—to jail.)

    Shogun The Way To Go Home, Part 2

    | Tokyo, Japan | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I grew up in Japan and am bilingual, even though I am Australian by birth. I am showing some Australian friends around Tokyo.)

    American customer: *to the station attendant, in English* “Hey, I need to get to Akihabara station. How do I do that?”

    Station attendant: *in Japanese* “Sorry, I do not speak English. Could you point it out?”

    (As the station attendant speaks, he has a big map of the subway system and his gestures make it VERY obvious what he wants the customer to do.)

    American customer: *in English* “Are you deaf?! I need to get to Akihabara station!”

    Station attendant: *in Japanese, while gesturing at the map emphatically* “I don’t know English, sorry. Please point where you are going.”

    American customer: *in English* “Stupid Asians. Just tell me how to get there!”

    (I intervene at this point, as I feel sorry for the poor station worker.)

    Me: *in Japanese* “He wants to get to Akihabara station. I know the way; I’ll explain it to him.”

    (I explain, in English, how to get to the station, and tell him the station attendant was trying but he doesn’t speak English.)

    American customer: *to me, in English* “These stupid Japs should learn English. Why couldn’t he tell me that?”

    Me: “When Asians visit your country, you expect them to speak English, right? So it’s only fair when you come here you try to use their language. Plus, he was trying to help you if you had just pointed it out on the map.”

    American customer: “Everyone should know English!”

    (He storms off without apologizing, or thanking me or the station worker.)

    Station attendant: *to me, in Japanese* “Thank you so much for helping. I didn’t know what to do.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it. He was just being rude. I feel like I should be apologizing for his behaviour on behalf of all foreigners.”

    Station attendant: “Oh, don’t worry, we get much worse. Then there are people like you who help convince me you’re not all bad. Thanks again!”

    Related:
    Shogun The Way To Go Home

    That’s What You Get For Choo-Choo-ing Me Out

    | Coventry, UK | Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I work as a maintenance man for the top railway maintenance company in the UK. I’m maintaining buttons on the station platforms—important buttons that station staff use to let the signalman know the train is boarded and ready to leave. I must also add that to test these buttons, we need a train to be present.)

    Customer: “Excuse me lad, can you tell me when the next train to Euston is, please?”

    Me: *looking up at information boards* “I can see that it is due any minute now. Should you need any more help, you can just refer to the digital screens above you.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

    Me: “E-Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I checked on my phone half hour ago, and it said the train was due at 22 minutes past. It is now half past.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Usually, the station staff can tell you why the delay has been caused, but I can tell from the screen…” *points* “…that it is expected in a couple of minutes. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you any more, as I’m just here to make the trains safe to run.”

    Customer: “F***ing typical! Won’t help no c***!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You railwaymen are all the f***ing same! Whenever I see you ‘working,’ you are just standing about!”

    Me: “I assure you, sir, we work very hard, but currently we are waiting for a train so we can test the station’s communication with the signalman. Without a train, the button panel won’t communicate with him.”

    Customer: “Bull****!”

    Me: “Well, I—”

    Customer: “Whenever I pass you guys on the train, you are always standing at the side of the track, doing nothing! No wonder train fares increased because YOU b******s are leeching the system!”

    Me: “Are you talking about when the train is moving and you see men like us on the track?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, if we were maintaining things on the track…how are we meant to do that if a train is driving over it?”

    Customer: *turns red*

    (He runs off, mumbling, before catching a station attendant and ripping into him as well…and missing his train in the process.)

    Too Provincial With Provinces

    | Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (As employees exit the train they are divided and reboarded to a new train based on their destination. At this point, we determine where they are traveling and forward them there. A train has just arrived from USA and is making it’s first stop in Canada.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what is your final destination today?”

    Customer: “Canada.”

    Me: “Where in Canada will you be traveling?”

    Customer: “Ontario, Canada.”

    Me: “What is the final stop in Canada you will be going to today?”

    Customer: “Ontario.”

    Me: “Ontario is a province, like New York State or Florida. Where in the province of Ontario are you going?”

    Customer: “Canada, but you obviously don’t know as well as I do. I’ll just talk to someone else!”

    Me: “Have a good day!”

    It’s Never Too Late To Say You’re Sorry

    | Torino, Italy | Top

    (I work at the main train station information desk. An angry customer storms up to me after trying to get a ticket out of the automatic machines.)

    Customer: “Your g**d*** machines are broken, as usual!

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I wanted a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city] and your stupid machine won’t sell it to me! It’s broken, as usual!”

    Me: “Uh, sir–”

    Customer: “You guys are so useless! This is hopeless! Every time I come here, there’s a problem! You’re all a bunch of stupid f****!”

    Me: “Well, sir–”

    Customer: “All I want is a ticket for the 9:15 train! I get it every f***ing day, and there is always a problem!”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say it that–”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t you even try! Don’t you even try giving me that s***! Now, you’re going to tell me you don’t sell tickets. You don’t have control over the machines and everything, huh? You’re just a stupid information desk! Well, you know what? I’m not queuing up to the f***ing ticket office because you’re a g**d*** idiot!”

    Me: “If you just–”

    Customer: “You’re going to say you’re right, aren’t you?”

    (This goes ahead for a good five minutes. In the end, I just stare at him while he rants about how terribly stupid I am and how horrible the service is. I just keep silent and stare at him until he’s finished.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to give me that ticket or not?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s five past ten.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s five past ten. That’s why the machine won’t sell you a ticket for the 9:15 train–that train is gone almost an hour ago.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

    Me: “Sir, last night we switched back from daylight savings time. It means the clock went one hour ahead. It is not five past nine right now, but five past ten. That’s why you can’t buy a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city]. However, if you hurry up, you’ll manage the 10:15 one.”

    (The customer looks at me in disbelief, then looks at the time on the main train timetable, then at his own watch, and eventually back at me.)

    Customer: “Yeah…uh…I think I’ll try and catch that 10:15 one, then. Thanks…uh…and sorry.”


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