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  • We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA |

    (At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after porn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

    Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family story, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

    (The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

    Coworker:  ”Wow! Way to go!”

    Me:  ”Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

    , | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

    Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

    Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

    Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

    Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

    Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”

    Please, Take A Cut Of My Cheese

    , | Fort Wayne, IN, USA |

    Customer: *completely stoned* “Hey, what’s your cheapest thing in the store?”

    Me: “That’d probably be these miniature whoopee cushions. They’re a dollar apiece. There are three on the shelf behind you.”

    Customer: “I’ll take all of them!”

    (As I’m finishing the transaction, a well-dressed mother comes in with a young boy in tow.)

    Customer: “Hey guys! Look what I just got!” *shows them the whoopee cushions*

    Mother: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um…that’s very…nice, I guess?”

    Customer: “Do you want one?”

    Mother: “Oh no, no thank you, we were just–”

    Customer: “C’mon, I have three of them! What do I need three for?”

    (He shoves a whoopee cushion into the mother’s hands and wanders off happily.)

    Talk The Talk, Balk The Walk

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (The customer has two daughters, each with their own set of clothes for their toys.)

    Customer, to one daughter: “Since your shoes match her purse, you girls can share the two between you.”

    Me, to the same daughter: “Oh, what a good idea! Do you always share with your sister?”

    Daughter: “Yeah, mom says, ‘Sharing is caring’.”

    Me, to the customer: “Ma’am, your total is [price]. Would you like to donate a dollar to our charity?”

    Customer: “No thanks, I’ve spent enough of my money today!”

    Over(bear)ing Demand

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow colored bear that smells like fruit.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

    (I lead him to the girls section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir!”

    Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

    Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

    Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

    Me: “I can assure you sir, this is the only rainbow colored and fruit scented bear toy in the entire store.”

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