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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Ah, Fathers, Part 5

    | New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

    (I’m stocking the shelves. A male customer with a small child of about four comes up to me and asks if there is a post office near by. I tell him there is one a couple of blocks away. He looks at the
    clock, then takes his son’s hand and prepares to walk out of the store. The child doesn’t want to go.)

    Customer: *to the child* “Come on, we need to go to the post office. It’ll close soon.”

    Child: “I want to look at toys.”

    Customer: “We have to go now. We can come back later.”

    Child: “You go. I’ll wait here and play.”

    Customer: “You can’t.”

    Child: “Why?”

    Customer: “Because your dad will go to jail for that.”

    (The child looks perplexed.)

    Customer: *trying to explain* “Think smaller Christmas present. And you’ll have to stay with Grandma a lot.”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 4
    Ah, Fathers, Part 3
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers

    On Reflection, Best Not To Ask…

    | Erie, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at a store where we stuff animals for our guests. I am helping three sisters, one about 13, one 11, one 6, stuff their bears.)

    Me: “So, are you going to get clothes for your bear?”

    Youngest sister: “Maybe, I hope so!” *notices my name tag* “Hey! Your name is Emily. That’s my twin sister’s name!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s great!”

    (Youngest sister leaves and I help the middle sister, then the oldest.)

    Middle sister: “Oh, your name is Emily, that’s my uh, sister’s twins name.”

    Me: “Yeah, she told me that. Where is her sister, I didn’t see her?”

    Oldest sister: “She didn’t tell you?!” *yelling* “Hey [youngest sister], where does your twin live?”

    Youngest sister: “In the mirrors!”

    Don’t Pin Your Hopes On This One

    | Murfreesboro, TN, USA |

    (I am scanning a customer’s items and the screen prompts me to ask for her phone number.)

    Me: “Can I get your phone number please?”

    Customer: “1-2-3-4.”

    Me: *confused*

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you asked for my pin number.”

    Tickled Black

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “I have a complaint about this ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ toy.”

    Me: “Go ahead.”

    Customer: “I saw a few videos online that it’s really a “Tickle Me Emo”! How dare you try to teach kids to be emo!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those videos are fake and were created just for a laugh. That is a Tickle Me Elmo and it’s completely appropriate for kids.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *a few seconds later* “So, where can I find a ‘Tickle Me Emo’?”

    Love Isn’t As Priceless As It Used To Be

    | Little Rock, AR, USA |

    (I work in a toy store where customers can custom build their own stuffed animals. A father and young daughter approach.)

    Me: “Welcome to [toy store], have you picked out an animal to be stuffed today?”

    Little girl: “Yes!”

    (We proceed to stuff the bear and the little girl grabs one of the ‘push to talk’ buttons and hands it to me.)

    Me: “Okay, you want to get the I love you button put in today?”

    Father: “Hold on a second. Baby, what’s this thing?”

    Little girl: “He puts it in the bear for me and when you push it, it says I love you!

    Father: “How much does this thing cost?”

    Me: “Five dollars, sir.”

    Father: “S***! For five dollars, baby, I’ll tell you I love you! Go put that thing back.”

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