They Are Not The Toys You Are Looking For

| St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Rude & Risque

(A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally I make out something.)

Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

Woman: “Vibrators.”

Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

Related:
They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

Future Budget Oversight Leaders Of America

| USA | Family & Kids

(I overhear a little boy around five years old asking his mother for lots of expensive toys.)

Mother: “We can’t afford six. Just pick one and put the rest back.”

Boy: “Just tell daddy to stop drinking beer this month!”

Not Quite As Provocative As I Recall

| Syracuse, NY | Holidays

(It is 6:00 AM on Black Friday. There is a queue waiting to come into the store as soon as I lift the gate. Once the gate goes up, the crowd surges into the store. Immediately, a customer pushes his way through the crowd and begins shouting to me.)

Customer: *shouting* “Where are your ‘Touch Me, Big Guy’ toys?!”

(Overhearing this, everyone in earshot goes silent.)

Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that toy.”

Customer: “Of course you do! It is really popular this year! You rub and squeeze the toy’s stomach and it giggles in happiness! You know ‘Touch me, Big Guy’!”

Me: “You don’t mean ‘Tickle Me Elmo’, do you?”

Customer: “Is that what it is called?”

(The crowd begins making noise again.)

Customer: “I suppose you might be wondering what Christmas is like at my house.”

Me: “No, sir, not in the slightest.”

Age Is But A Number, Part 2

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to return this.”

Me: “I see that it’s been open and even played with. Mind if I ask what was wrong?”

Customer: “My son says it’s too difficult to play with.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but once again, this is clearly used, as it’s showing signs of wear. I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “You don’t understand. We have no use for this anymore! My son can’t play with it! It’s too difficult for him! Give me my money back!”

Me: “Well sir, the packaging for this toy does say it’s for ‘Ages 14 and Up’. How old is your son, anyway?”

Customer: “26.”

Related:
Age Is But A Number

Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

, | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

(During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

Me: “7:30–”

Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

Me: “AM, sir.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

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