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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Not Quite As Provocative As I Recall

    | Syracuse, NY | Holidays

    (It is 6:00 AM on Black Friday. There is a queue waiting to come into the store as soon as I lift the gate. Once the gate goes up, the crowd surges into the store. Immediately, a customer pushes his way through the crowd and begins shouting to me.)

    Customer: *shouting* “Where are your ‘Touch Me, Big Guy’ toys?!”

    (Overhearing this, everyone in earshot goes silent.)

    Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that toy.”

    Customer: “Of course you do! It is really popular this year! You rub and squeeze the toy’s stomach and it giggles in happiness! You know ‘Touch me, Big Guy’!”

    Me: “You don’t mean ‘Tickle Me Elmo’, do you?”

    Customer: “Is that what it is called?”

    (The crowd begins making noise again.)

    Customer: “I suppose you might be wondering what Christmas is like at my house.”

    Me: “No, sir, not in the slightest.”

    Age Is But A Number, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to return this.”

    Me: “I see that it’s been open and even played with. Mind if I ask what was wrong?”

    Customer: “My son says it’s too difficult to play with.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but once again, this is clearly used, as it’s showing signs of wear. I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. We have no use for this anymore! My son can’t play with it! It’s too difficult for him! Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Well sir, the packaging for this toy does say it’s for ‘Ages 14 and Up’. How old is your son, anyway?”

    Customer: “26.”

    Related:
    Age Is But A Number

    Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

    , | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

    (During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

    Me: “7:30–”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

    Me: “AM, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

    An Immoral Pleasure Seeker

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (I work in a toy shop where we sell giant Bratz dolls. A customer comes over with one and asked whether or not it would be suitable for her two year old daughter.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I wouldn’t recommend this doll for any child under the age of 6.”

    Customer: “Why is this doll recommended for 6 years and over? My daughter’s two but she really wants one.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t really recommend that you buy the doll for a younger child, but I suppose if you remove the earrings then there wouldn’t be any small parts.”

    Customer: *looks the doll over* “Is it just because she’s dressed like a hooker?”

    Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer, Part 2

    , | Nebraska, USA |

    Me: “Your total will be [total price].”

    Customer: “That seems a little high. Were the Imaginext items buy one, get one free?”

    (I check the items and see if they’re scanning correctly in the register.)

    Me: “Yes, they are, but you have 3 Imaginext items and one non-Imaginext item, so that won’t ring up on sale.”

    Customer: “Well, they’re all in the same aisle!”

    Me: “Well, yes, but just because one item is on sale doesn’t mean everything in the aisle is on sale as well.”

    Customer: “Well, you should put that on your signs!”

    Related:
    Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

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