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    A Killer Whale Of A Story

    | Netherlands | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (It’s nearing the end of summer and my coworker and I are clearing away the summer theming in our shop window to make place for something else. This happens as I’m about to cut up an inflatable Orca.)

    Child: “No, don’t kill it! Can I please have it?”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, sure.”

    Child: “Yes! I can take it home and care for it in our pool. It needs water to live in!”

    Coworker #1: *hands the child the toy* “Now, be very careful with it because it’s very fragile—”

    Child: *runs out of the store to his mother before my coworker can finish*

    Me: “How cute, I bet he’ll take good care—”

    Mother: *smacks the inflatable against a few objects and stamps on it with her high heels*

    Me: “Never mind…”

    (About an hour passes as I overhear a conversation going on at the till. I notice the child with his mother and the popped toy.)

    Mother: “Well, clearly it’s faulty. Look at it! It’s full of holes, and that was out of the packaging!”

    Coworker #2: “I’m really sorry, but without a receipt I cannot provide you with a new one.”

    Mother: *to her child* “Do you hear that? They sell me a broken toy and refuse to replace it. I want to speak to the manager!”

    Me: “Excuse me, miss, but I believe a colleague of mine gave your child that toy and you destroyed it just outside the shop.”

    Mother: “How dare you make such an accusation? Who do you think you are?”

    Me: “I’m the person that set up the display with that same toy several months before. I marked it with a black pen around the valve noting that it would be destroyed at the end of the display time. I’m also the person that was there watching you destroy the toy outside.”

    Mother: “That is a lie and I want a new toy!”

    Coworker #2: “I cannot give you a new one without your receipt.”

    Child: “Mommy, you said that if you made it leaky, you could get me a brand new one for free!”

    Mother: “Well, you will because I know I’m right and they are wrong. I’ll just buy you a new one and send in a complaint on their website!”

    (The mother proceeds to buy a new inflatable orca. It’s a size smaller and a different color then the one from the display since we didn’t have anymore large ones.)

    Mother: *to her child* “See, if you are smart and cunning, you get what you want whenever you want!”

    Matrix’R’Us

    | North Carolina, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer approaches the counter with two sets of toys that build alien robots.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Are you all set to check out?”

    Customer: “Look, I know that one of these robots is evil, and I need you to tell me which one it is. I ain’t bringin’ no evil into my grandson’s house!”

    Me: “Well, I can assure you, ma’am, that none of the toys we sell are ev—”

    Customer: “Look, I know you’re supposed to say that. But I know you know which one of these is evil, and you are gonna tell me right now before I leave this store!”

    Me: “Uh…just don’t buy the red one.”

    (She hands me the blue one and gives me a knowing nod of approval.)

    Customer: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell nobody you told me!”

    Not As Easy As A-B-C

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about this tin radio.”

    Me: “Sure! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Well, it says it plays the ABC song, but it doesn’t.”

    Me: “Oh, you just have to turn this knob and it plays until it winds down.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but it doesn’t play the ABC Song! It plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!

    Me: “Well, they’re the same melody. See?” *sings the first line of both songs*

    Customer: “No, listen!”

    (She winds up the radio enough for it to play the whole song; there are a few embellishments towards the end.)

    Customer: “See?! That’s not how the ABC song goes!”

    Customer’s Husband: “Maybe they just play it differently.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not the way I sing it!”

    They Are Not The Toys You Are Looking For

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally I make out something.)

    Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

    Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

    Woman: “Vibrators.”

    Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

    Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

    Related:
    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    Future Budget Oversight Leaders Of America

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (I overhear a little boy around five years old asking his mother for lots of expensive toys.)

    Mother: “We can’t afford six. Just pick one and put the rest back.”

    Boy: “Just tell daddy to stop drinking beer this month!”

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