(I am scanning a customer’s items and the screen prompts me to ask for her phone number.)

Me: “Can I get your phone number please?”

Customer: “1-2-3-4.”

Me: *confused*

Customer: “Oh, I thought you asked for my pin number.”

Customer: “I have a complaint about this ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ toy.”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: “I saw a few videos online that it’s really a “Tickle Me Emo”! How dare you try to teach kids to be emo!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those videos are fake and were created just for a laugh. That is a Tickle Me Elmo and it’s completely appropriate for kids.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *a few seconds later* “So, where can I find a ‘Tickle Me Emo’?”

(I work in a toy store where customers can custom build their own stuffed animals. A father and young daughter approach.)

Me: “Welcome to [toy store], have you picked out an animal to be stuffed today?”

Little girl: “Yes!”

(We proceed to stuff the bear and the little girl grabs one of the ‘push to talk’ buttons and hands it to me.)

Me: “Okay, you want to get the I love you button put in today?”

Father: “Hold on a second. Baby, what’s this thing?”

Little girl: “He puts it in the bear for me and when you push it, it says I love you!

Father: “How much does this thing cost?”

Me: “Five dollars, sir.”

Father: “S***! For five dollars, baby, I’ll tell you I love you! Go put that thing back.”

(At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after porn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family story, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

(The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

Coworker:  ”Wow! Way to go!”

Me:  ”Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

Related:
We Need One Of These In Every Store

Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”