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    Dinosaur-Brained

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, will my son like this for his birthday? He loves dinosaurs.”

    (I examine the gift; it’s a set of various plastic fossils.)

    Me: “Well, it depends on how into dinosaurs he is. If he just thinks they’re cool, then it’ll be fine. If he’s into palaeontology at all, though, he’ll be disappointed because none of those are actually dinosaurs.”

    Customer: “What? Don’t be stupid! He loves dinosaurs! I know what a dinosaur is!”

    Me: “Well, right there you have a Pterodactyl, two Synapsids including the famous Dimetrodon, a Plesiosaur, and a Tiktaalik. None of those are dinosaurs. They’re not even all reptiles, or Mesozoic.”

    Customer: “What do you know? God, you kids these days are so rude! I know what a dinosaur is.”

    (She buys the toy set and leaves in a huff. A week later, I’m working as a cashier when she comes back.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *shows me the very same fossil toy set*

    Me: “Oh, yes, I remember. Would you like me to help you find a dinosaur toy to get instead?”

    Customer: “You? God! Look, missy, he just didn’t like them because they weren’t scientifically accurate, okay? These are dinosaurs! They lived a thousand years ago! Do you think I’m stupid!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you clearly are just as intelligent as you present yourself to be.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m glad you realise it.”

    The Karate Kid: Christmas Special

    | Kent, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Is a few days before Christmas, and people are after their last few gifts. I’m stacking shelves when I see a confrontation between a man who is tall and obviously goes to the gym and a boy who is about nine years old.)

    Man: “Give me that toy! You’re only going to steal it!”

    Boy: “No, I got here first. You should have been more prepared.”

    Man: “Shut up you brat. I’m your elder. You should respect me. Just give me the toy or I’ll educate you!”

    (Note that the toy in question is big, enough so that the boy has to hold it with both hands. The man and the boy start struggling over it.)

    Man: “F***ing let go!”

    Boy: “NO!”

    (The man raises his fist and I quickly jump up to stop him. However, before I can, the boy kicks the man’s hand out the way and then kicks his legs out from under him, sending him crashing to the ground—all while still holding on to the toy.)

    Boy: “I’ll let you know what my sister thinks of the toy!”

    (The man quickly runs off, humiliated. It turns out the boy and I have the same karate instructor, and he was one grade behind me.)

    What A Touching Thing To Say

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work in a toy shop, so I often end up having conversations with kids while their parents go through the tills.)

    Me: *scans an expensive toy* “Wow, is this for you?”

    Little Girl: “Yes! It’s my birthday! And I got an iPod Touch, too!”

    Me: “Wow! I didn’t get an iPod until I was 22.”

    Little Girl: “Maybe your mum doesn’t love you.”

    Completin’ Ain’t Cheatin’

    | Anchorage, AK, USA |

    (My coworker is showing a customer a series of trivia games. Each revolves around a different subject: science, geography, presidents, etc.)

    Coworker: “They’re a really fun way to learn new things, and the wide variety gives you a lot of options.”

    Customer: “But what if the kids memorize all the answers?”

    Coworker: “…Mission accomplished?”

    Customer: “Oh… oh! Yeah, of course…”

    High-Strung At Heart

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a toy store that sells a variety of products, aimed at all kinds and all ages. A teenage boy and his young brother come in, and are being quiet and behaving.)

    Girly Voice: “I’M TIRRRREEED.”

    (My back is turned to them, so I expect that they must have a young sister with them. Instead, I turn around to see a tall, pouting, blonde woman in 6-inch heels. Her boys call her “mum”, so it’s clear who she is.)

    Mother: *flails arms and stamps her feet* “I’M BORED! I WANT TO SIT DOWN. MY FEET ARE TIRED! I’M HUNGRY. CAN WE GO NOW? HAVE YOU SPENT YOUR MONEY YET?! I’M GOING BECAUSE I’M BORED AND I’M TIRED—”

    (I’m not the only one to notice her behavior; other customers are agog at this grown woman having a tantrum in a toy shop. While this is going on, an elderly woman at the till smiles at me sweetly.)

    Elderly Woman: “Goodness, if that were my daughter, I’d give her a good slap!”

    Me: “Even at her age?”

    Elderly Woman: “ESPECIALLY at her age!”

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