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    Kids Say The Truthiest Things

    , | Belgium | Top

    (Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

    Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

    Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

    Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

    Kid: “What, mommy?”

    Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

    Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

    Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

    Mom: “…”

    Santa: *puts bag back*

    The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

    , | Belgium | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

    Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

    Customer: “Yeah that!”

    Customer: *realizes what she said* “OH!”

    Let’s Hope The Covenant Hates Rock ‘n Roll

    , | Fairfax, VA, USA |

    (To provide some context, we have a display for Guitar Hero 3 set up which, among other things, has a playable guitar, a big huge sign that says GUITAR HERO 3, and a display “case” that has the guitar from the game and the game set up to look real pretty.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what my son wanted, it was something 3…Hylo…”

    Me: “Halo 3?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have that?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s just in the back, let me go grab a copy.”

    (After I go in the back and grab a copy…)

    Customer: “Wait a minute, where’s the guitar? I want the one with the guitar.”

    Me: “Uh… oh, you must’ve been looking for Guitar Hero 3! I don’t have the one bundled with the guitar right now, but if you already have the guitar you can buy just the game.”

    Customer: “No, you do, it’s over here!”

    Me: “Oh, really? Where’d you see it?”

    (This is Christmas season; things can magically appear from nowhere at a moment’s notice, so I’m not surprised she said that. I follow the customer over, and she points to that clear display I mentioned earlier.)

    Customer: “See? You DO have the guitar.”

    Me: “No ma’am, that’s just our display just to show you what comes with the box when we have it.”

    Customer: “But… I see the game, right here! It’s right here!”

    Me: “No ma’am, that’s just empty. It’s just all there to look nice.”

    Customer, flustered: “What’s the difference between Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3, exactly?”

    Me, stammering: “Uh… in Halo 3, you shoot aliens, and in Guitar Hero 3, you play rock music.”

    Customer: “Oh, he’d want Halo 3, then.”

    Me: “Okay, let me go and get that copy for you I left in the back.”

    (After grabbing it…)

    Customer: “Where’s the guitar?”

    (At this point, to spare the readers, I went through the ENTIRE conversation again.)

    Customer: “But someone on the phone told us you had the Halo 3 Special Edition.”

    Me: “Yes, we do, that’s this in my ha–”

    Customer: “So why aren’t you selling it to me? I want it with the guitar.”

    Me, stifling laughter: “Ma’am, look, I can’t really say it any clearer. We have Halo 3. Halo 3 is not played with a guitar. We do NOT have Guitar Hero 3. Guitar Hero 3 is played with a guitar.”

    Customer: “Oh for god’s sake. We drive all the way here and you people don’t even know what the **** you’re talking about. I’m going to Best Buy.”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

    When Religions Collide

    | Florence, KY, USA | Top

    (This is after we’re all done with our transaction. I’m half-Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah, which was currently going on.)

    Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

    Me, completely sincere: “And Happy Hanukkah to you!”

    Customer: *flails her arms and screams happily* “No it’s about Jesus! It’s Jesus’s birthday! You have to worship Jesus! It’s all about Jesus! Love Jesus!”

    When Generations Collide

    Next On Eyewitness News: The Jigsaw Puzzle Slave Trade

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I work in an uppity part of town where are the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”

    Me: “Um…what?”

    Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”

    (At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)

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