Please, Take A Cut Of My Cheese

, | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: *completely stoned* “Hey, what’s your cheapest thing in the store?”

Me: “That’d probably be these miniature whoopee cushions. They’re a dollar apiece. There are three on the shelf behind you.”

Customer: “I’ll take all of them!”

(As I’m finishing the transaction, a well-dressed mother comes in with a young boy in tow.)

Customer: “Hey guys! Look what I just got!” *shows them the whoopee cushions*

Mother: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um…that’s very…nice, I guess?”

Customer: “Do you want one?”

Mother: “Oh no, no thank you, we were just–”

Customer: “C’mon, I have three of them! What do I need three for?”

(He shoves a whoopee cushion into the mother’s hands and wanders off happily.)

Talk The Talk, Balk The Walk

| Richmond, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer has two daughters, each with their own set of clothes for their toys.)

Customer, to one daughter: “Since your shoes match her purse, you girls can share the two between you.”

Me, to the same daughter: “Oh, what a good idea! Do you always share with your sister?”

Daughter: “Yeah, mom says, ‘Sharing is caring’.”

Me, to the customer: “Ma’am, your total is [price]. Would you like to donate a dollar to our charity?”

Customer: “No thanks, I’ve spent enough of my money today!”

Over(bear)ing Demand

, | Louisville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow colored bear that smells like fruit.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

(I lead him to the girls section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

Me: “I can assure you sir, this is the only rainbow colored and fruit scented bear toy in the entire store.”

We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

Me: “And what is that?”

Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

Customer: “I understand that. but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

Me: “And why is that, sir?”

Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

| New Hampshire | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

Me: “No sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

(Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

Me: “No sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

Customer: “Border Patrol.”

(This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

Me: “Which border?”

Customer: “Canadian.”

(Customer walks away with a self-important air.)

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