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    They Start So Young

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (A girl of about 8 years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.)

    Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly*

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Girl: “…so are you going to give me some for free, or what?”

    Me: “…”

    No More Teddy In Beddy

    , | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, what brings you into [toy store]?”

    Customer: “Just looking around… all of my grandkids are too old for stuffed animals.”

    Me: “There are a lot of adults who come in who collect them.”

    Customer: “I saw a lot of college kids in here over the summer getting them.”

    Me: “Actually, I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night.”

    Customer: “You know what you need to do… you need to get yourself a man!”

    Generosity Which Knows No Bounds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (We were having a toy drive – if you bought and donated any $5 toy, you could receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat was buying five bags of toys.)

    Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–”

    Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!”

    Me: “Your total is $400, then.”

    Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?”

    Me: “No…no, I’m afraid not.”

    Exorcisms Not Included

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    (I was a cashier at a popular toy store chain when a woman came up to the register with an opened Ouija board.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

    Me: “Is there anything in particular that’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Well, no, it works. I’m returning it because it let evil spirits into my house!”

    Me: *laughs*

    Customer: “Why are you laughing? This game let spirits into my house, and I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Uh, oh, alright then.” *I process the return*

    Customer, on the way out: “You really shouldn’t be selling satanic toys like this. What if a demon had come through and possessed one of my children?”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll definitely pass that on to management.”

    I See Purple Triangles And Rainbows In Your Future

    , | California, USA |

    (A boy and his mother come up to my register. The boy starts asking questions about the ant farm we have on display.)

    Boy: “Can they mate?”

    Me: “No, there’s no queen in there.”

    Boy: “Oh… so they can’t mate?”

    Me: “No, they’re all male.”

    Boy: “So they can’t?”

    Mother: *turns to boy* “Okay, shut up or go away! You’re being annoying!”

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