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    Gives New Meaning To Family Tree

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (I work as an educator in a native American village. I am with a group of pre-schoolers.)

    Me: “Believe it or not, the Lenape used to tie their babies to a board and hang them in a tree so the foxes wouldn’t get them!”

    Child 1: “Do they still do that?”

    Me: “No, they live just like we do today and don’t need to.”

    Child 2: “That’s not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad.”

    The Holy Ghost

    | Hyde Park, London, UK | Religion

    Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know why are there so many police and ambulances about?”

    Me: “It’s for the Pope’s visit. He’s preaching in the Cathedral and then there’s a procession.”

    Tourist: “But didn’t the Pope die years ago?”

    The Great Emancipator Died Sooner Than Later

    | Washington, DC, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at a historic site from the American Civil War. I am talking to a 7-year old child.)

    Small Child: “Who shot President Lincoln?”

    Me: “He was shot by a Southern sympathizer named John Wilkes Booth.”

    Small Child: “But why did he want to kill the president?”

    Me: “Well, the North and the South were at war, and Booth thought that if he killed President Lincoln, it might help the South win.”

    Small Child: “Oh…so were you here when it happened?”

    Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

    Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

    Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah I guess.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

    Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”

    Tricky Customers Are Just Killer

    | Vancouver Island, Canada |

    (I am taking tourists on a boat to see wild killer whales.)

    Me: “If anyone has any questions during the charter, I would be happy to answer them.”

    Customer: “So, when does the show start?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The show. You know, like Shamu and stuff?”

    Me: “You do know that these are wild animals, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “These are wild animals. They don’t do tricks like you would see in an aquarium.”

    Customer: “They don’t?”

    Me: “No. They do not.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see.” *pause* “So, when do you feed them?”

    Me: “We don’t feed these animals. They are wild. They feed themselves.”

    Customer: “I thought you said they didn’t do tricks?”

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