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  • The Great State Of Ignorance

    | Texas, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I am a cave tour guide. I’m talking about one of the cave’s rooms when a tourist raises her hand.)

    Tourist: “Where are we right now?”

    Me: “I believe we are north of where we came in, ma’am, but I can’t be sure because of all the twists and turns down here.”

    Tourist: “No, no, I want to know where we are right now!”

    Me: *confused as to what she wants* “Um, near the highway? We’re in [city]?”

    Tourist: “No! What state are we in?”

    (The entire group stares in amazement.)

    Me: “We are in Texas, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “Good. I thought we were in South Dakota or some s*** like that! Carry on.”

    Tall Tales Vs. Turning Tail

    | Florida, USA |

    (I work at a visitor’s center on a refuge, which is by a large pond. As this is Florida, we naturally have alligators. A visitor approaches the help desk.)

    Visitor: “You have a fake alligator outside!”

    Coworker: “No, sir. It’s real.”

    Visitor: “There’s no way that’s real!”

    Coworker: “Sir, all our gators are real.”

    Visitor: “I’ll prove it!”

    (My coworker follows the visitor outside. Suddenly, the visitor goes up to an alligator resting along the side of the pond and grabs it by the tail.)

    Alligator: *dives into the water*

    Visitor: *face goes white*

    Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

    Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

    Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

    Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

    Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

    Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 3

    | Kent, UK | Tourists/Travel

    (During an audio/visual experience of the siege of 1216 within a castle, I am approached by a tourist.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, sir. Can you help me with a question?”

    Me: “Of course. What would you like to know?”

    Tourist: “Is the footage being shown actual live footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Me: “You want to know if this video is showing actual footage of the siege of 1216?”

    Tourist: “How silly of me. They only had black and white video back then, didn’t they?”

    Related:
    Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 2
    Lack Of Grey Matter

    A Model Perspective

    | Devon, UK |

    (A customer is visiting South Devon where there are a lot of tourist attractions including a very popular model village. He has just been on a tour and is now looking out over the town from a hillside.)

    Customer: “You have a good view here. Is that the Model Village over there?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is an example of perspective.”

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