November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Got Her Cables Crossed

, | New York, NY, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(I am an assistant manager in the box office of an exhibition space in Times Square. This exhibition space has many investors. One is a popular cable television network from which the space took its name. A relatively normal-looking customer approaches my window.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

(The customer pauses, looking nervous.)

Me: “Did you have any questions about the exhibit?”

Customer: “Um, yes.”

Me: “Okay… go ahead.”

Customer: “YES! I was wondering why you took away my [aforementioned cable network] channel. I can’t understand why you would do that. My children and I really enjoyed learning about the things that we saw. It was good!”

Me: “Ah, I see. Well, even though [cable network] is our namesake, we’re not at all affiliated with their programming. I’m sorry. I would recommend calling your cable provider to see if there were any changes in your service.”

Customer: “No, but yes, but NO. I can’t understand why you would do this! Because you see it’s my CHILDREN. It was something that we enjoyed TOGETHER.”

Me: “Yeah. I hear ya. Unfortunately, that’s not us. We’re a museum space.”

Customer: “Is this because of Oprah?”

Me: “So, I… what?”

Customer: “OPRAH. I know she was changing some things around.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I can’t believe you took this away from my children just because Oprah told you to.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that we have nothing whatsoever to do with Oprah.”

Customer: *turning to leave* “I just can’t believe Oprah would do this to her black brothers and sisters. They were LEARNING.”

Me: “Um, right. You have a great night.”

Customer: *turning and yelling from across the lobby* “So this wasn’t the place?”

Me: “This was not the place.”

Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

| Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

(I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

Teenage Boy: *silence*

Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

Suffering Some Confucian About Where He Is

| Beijing, China | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(My coworker is a tour guide for American groups in Beijing.)

Tourist: “Is there a Chinatown here?”

Coworker: “…I’m sorry?”

Tourist: “Well, most major cities have a Chinatown. I just wanted to see if I could visit the one in this city.”

Coworker: “You do know what country you’re in right?”

Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

| UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

Customer: “So?!”

A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

Customer: “Is there a café here?”

Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Right next door.”

Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

(The customer walks out, looking confused.)

Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

A Directionless Conversation