Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

| UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

Customer: “So?!”

A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

Customer: “Is there a café here?”

Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Right next door.”

Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

(The customer walks out, looking confused.)

Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

Related:
A Directionless Conversation

No Escape From Stupid Moments

| UK | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the shop at the entrance/exit to the attraction.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where are the nearest toilets?”

Me: “Your best bet is to go back through then they’re in the cafe next door.”

Customer: “Back inside the park?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll let you back through.”

Customer: “But then we won’t be able to get back out again, will we?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “If we go back through we won’t be able to get back out of the park again.”

Me: *trying not to smile* “I assure you, you will.”

Customer: “Wait, that was really stupid wasn’t it?”

Wherever You Go, There US Are

| Ireland | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I am a tour guide at a 15th century Irish castle. I am covering the desk when two tourists come through to exit.)

Me: “Thank you for visiting. Did you enjoy your tour?”

Tourist #1: “NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry. May I ask why?”

Tourist #1: “That tour guide talked funny.”

Tourist #2: “Yeah, she had a funny accent.”

Me: “You mean Irish?”

Tourist #1: “Yeah, we didn’t understand a word she said.”

Tourist #2: You shouldn’t have guides we can’t understand!”

Me: “I’m sorry but this is Ireland.”

Tourist #1:You don’t have an Irish accent!”

Me: “I’m not from here, though.”

(At this point, another tourist who has been waiting to be served speaks up.)

Another Tourist: “Sorry, ladies, but you’re in Ireland in an Irish castle. What were you expecting?”

Tourists #1 and #2: “Americans!”

Love In The Time Of Customers

| Texas, USA | Love/Romance

(I work at a tourist company where we sell fishing trips.)

Elderly Customer: “Do you have availability for this date?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we’re booked until next week.”

Elderly Customer: “And I bet if I asked for your phone number, you’d tell me ‘Sorry,’ too.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I’d tell you my husband might not approve of that!”

Elderly Customer: “Husband? You have a husband? Those tend to get in the way! “

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