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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

    (I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

    Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

    Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

    Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

    Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

    Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

    Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

    Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

    Teenage Boy: *silence*

    Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

    Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

    Suffering Some Confucian About Where He Is

    | Beijing, China | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (My coworker is a tour guide for American groups in Beijing.)

    Tourist: “Is there a Chinatown here?”

    Coworker: “…I’m sorry?”

    Tourist: “Well, most major cities have a Chinatown. I just wanted to see if I could visit the one in this city.”

    Coworker: “You do know what country you’re in right?”

    Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

    Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

    Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

    Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

    Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

    Customer: “So?!”

    A Directionless Conversation, Part 2

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are a tourist park, and have a café which is situated just outside so that people can use it without paying to go in. The café is right next door to the entrance; you have to walk past it to come in.)

    Customer: “Is there a café here?”

    Me: “Yes, there is. It’s just next door.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Right next door.”

    Customer: *confused* “Next door?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s the building next to this one.”

    Customer: “So, we have to go out?”

    Me: “Yes. You go out of this building, and it’s in the only other one.”

    Customer: “So, it’s out of here and next door.?”

    Me: “Yes. Go out of here, and look right. You’ll see it.”

    (The customer walks out, looking confused.)

    Coworker: “What’s the betting she’ll get lost?”

    Related:
    A Directionless Conversation

    No Escape From Stupid Moments

    | UK | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working in the shop at the entrance/exit to the attraction.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are the nearest toilets?”

    Me: “Your best bet is to go back through then they’re in the cafe next door.”

    Customer: “Back inside the park?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’ll let you back through.”

    Customer: “But then we won’t be able to get back out again, will we?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “If we go back through we won’t be able to get back out of the park again.”

    Me: *trying not to smile* “I assure you, you will.”

    Customer: “Wait, that was really stupid wasn’t it?”

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