November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

One More ‘One More’

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(The FAQ on our event website states that the maximum group size is 10.)

Customer: “What is the maximum group size?”

Me: “10.”

Customer: “We have a group of 11; can you make an exception just this once?”

Me: “We will do our best to accommodate your group, but I can’t make guarantees.”

Customer: “So is that a yes?”

Me: “We will do our best. I don’t see it being a problem.

Customer: “Okay, great. And actually, we have 12 in our group, but what’s one more?”

They’re Behind The ‘Shall Not Pass’ Signs

| Jewel Cave, SD, USA | Geeks Rule, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(We are on a group tour through caves, 200-300 feet underground. There are metal stairs and viewing platforms along the path. At each platform, a park ranger will describe what we are seeing, talk about the cave’s exploration history, and answer any questions. One question comes from a young teen girl on the tour. )

Girl: “Are there balrogs in these caves?”

Park Ranger: “Ball rocks?”

Girl: “BAL-rogs, from Lord Of The Rings?”

Park Ranger: “Uh, not that I know of…”

Won’t Let The Joke Run Its Course

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working the night shift, and my supervisor has asked me to shut most of the sliding doors and start getting ready to close, leaving me to empty the till while he goes to close another attraction. Our policy is not to turn away any customer unless we’ve started closing out the till. Three men, clearly a little drunk, come inside.)

Guy #1: “Can we come in?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ve just started closing and I can’t sell any more tickets.”

Guy #2: “We’ll be really quick.”

Me: “Unfortunately I’ve already started closing out so I’m actually unable to sell you a ticket, and I can’t let you in for free.”

Guy #1: “Well, what if I RAN PAST YOU?”

(At this point he starts running past my booth, but I just give him a withering glare with one eyebrow raised, a look I’ve perfected for dealing with unruly men at work. He stops in his tracks and backs up slowly to the entrance.)

Guy #1: *dejectedly* “I’m sorry.”

Never Listened In Or Outside Church

| London, England, UK | History, Tourists/Travel

(I work as a tour guide on an open top bus tour around London. My job is to tell tourists about the history of the city, and the landmarks that we pass.)

Me: “… and as we continue along Fleet Street we’ll see one of the great landmarks of London coming into view, the wonderful dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral. St. Paul’s Cathedral is our next stop. St. Paul’s Cathedral was built after the great fire of London of 1666. St. Paul’s Cathedral stands 365 feet from the ground to the tip of the golden cross at the top of the dome, one foot for every day of the year.”

Lady On The Bus: “What’s this building here?”

Me: *pointing at St. Paul’s Cathedral* “This one?”

Lady On The Bus: “Yes.”

Me: *sighing* “The Sealife Aquarium.”

Lady On The Bus: “The Sealife Aquarium?”

Me: *shrugging* “Yeah, why not?”

Lady On The Bus: “Thank you.”

(She writes ‘Sealife Aquarium’ carefully on the bus tour map, next to the little picture of ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL, underneath the words ST PAUL’S CATHEDRAL that are printed next to it.)

Me: “Pleasure. Welcome aboard those joining us here at St. Paul’s Cathedral…”

A Minor Problem

| Boston, MA, USA | Family & Kids, School, Transportation

(I am a chaperone on a preschool field trip. We have six chaperones including me. All the other seats on the bus are filled with our two-year-olds. About 40 people can fit on each bus. It is near the end of the day, and the driver is clearly exhausted. A woman approaches the driver, who is outside on the ground with her.)

Woman: “I’d like to get on this bus.”

Driver: “Sorry. You can’t get on this one.”

Woman: “Well, why not?”

Driver: “Because it’s full!”

(It’s important to realize that the bus is open-air, so there are no tinted windows. However, the walls are fairly high, and the bus is high up. The woman, from her vantage point on the ground, cannot see all the small children.)

Woman: “No, it’s not. You only have 6 people in there.”

Driver: “No. You see—”

(The woman starts complaining loudly about how lazy and incompetent the driver is. The driver tries to explain that the bus is full of small children, but the woman keeps cutting her off. Having had enough, I pick up the two-year-old beside me, and walk up to the bus entrance.)

Me: “There are over 30 of these in here!”

(The woman promptly shuts up and, red-faced, walks away.)