• Gloating About Gluten
    (1,548 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Should Have Taken A Different Rhode

    | Newport, RI, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (I live and work in a popular tourist town on an island. We provide boat tours around the bay between the island and the mainland. A woman comes up to me.)

    Woman: “How do you know when you cross state lines during the tour if you’re on the water?”

    Me: “Well, our tours don’t leave the bay, so we don’t encounter that situation.”

    Woman: “You don’t cross state lines?”

    Me: “No, we don’t.”

    Woman: “Well, what’s that then?”

    (She points at the mainland in the distance.)

    Me: “That’s Providence, ma’am, and right across the bay is Jamestown.”

    Woman: “No, no. What state is it?”

    Me: “It’s still Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “No, it can’t be. What state is it?”

    Me: “I assure you, it’s still Rhode Island. Providence is the capital city.”

    Woman: “How can the capital city of Rhode Island be outside of Rhode Island?”

    Me: “It isn’t. All the land you see across the water is still Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “But that’s impossible!”

    (Suddenly I realize why she’s confused.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the island we’re on right now is called Aquidneck Island. Rhode Island is a state comprised of several different islands and a large mainland. Providence is on the mainland and Jamestown is on Conanicut Island, which I assure you is still a part of Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “You mean we’re not on Rhode Island?”

    Me: “We are IN Rhode Island, but we are currently ON Aquidneck Island.”

    Woman: “Well, that’s just false advertisement!”

    Starter For Ten

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bizarre, Time

    (I have worked for four years in a tourist trap, which opensevery day at 10 am… Even so, most staff are obligated to report by 8:30 am. I am in the front one morning when a guest wanders in.)

    Woman: “Three, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t open until ten.”

    Woman: “What? No, the website states that you open at nine.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid not. We are not open.”

    Woman: “Are you callin’ me a liar?”

    A Giant Wave Of Ignorance

    | Seward, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (We do glacier and whale watching cruises. On this day, there has been a tsunami alert, although it later turned out to be a false alarm. The alarm horns are sounding all over the waterfront.)

    Me: “This is the tsunami warning system. I need everyone to drop what you’re doing and evacuate uphill to the high school. There are evacuation route signs posted under the street signs.”

    Customer: “Can you explain this tour to me?”

    Me: “Sir, we are evacuating.”

    Customer: “Can I just wait by the docks until you all come back?”

    Me: “There is a tsunami alarm sounding. You need to get to high ground.”

    Customer: “But, when the tsunami is over, will you be running more tours?”

    One More ‘One More’

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (The FAQ on our event website states that the maximum group size is 10.)

    Customer: “What is the maximum group size?”

    Me: “10.”

    Customer: “We have a group of 11; can you make an exception just this once?”

    Me: “We will do our best to accommodate your group, but I can’t make guarantees.”

    Customer: “So is that a yes?”

    Me: “We will do our best. I don’t see it being a problem.

    Customer: “Okay, great. And actually, we have 12 in our group, but what’s one more?”

    They’re Behind The ‘Shall Not Pass’ Signs

    | Jewel Cave, SD, USA | Geeks Rule, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We are on a group tour through caves, 200-300 feet underground. There are metal stairs and viewing platforms along the path. At each platform, a park ranger will describe what we are seeing, talk about the cave’s exploration history, and answer any questions. One question comes from a young teen girl on the tour. )

    Girl: “Are there balrogs in these caves?”

    Park Ranger: “Ball rocks?”

    Girl: “BAL-rogs, from Lord Of The Rings?”

    Park Ranger: “Uh, not that I know of…”

    Page 1/712345...Last