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    There Should Be A Sign

    , | Watson Lake, YK, Canada | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a little retail store beside our town’s main tourist attraction, the Signpost Forest, which has over 75,000 signs to date, right beside the Alaska Highway. A customer walks into the shop.)

    Customer: “Where do I go to see the Signpost Forest?”

    Me: “See right behind the shop, the hundreds of posts with the countless signs all over them?”

    Customer: “Yah?”

    Me: “See how they look like a forest?”

    Customer: “Yah?”

    Me: “That’s it.”

    Customer: “…Are you sure?”

    Independent From Your Day

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Canada, Holidays, Money

    (Vancouver sees a lot of American tourists. Just like American businesses, we are concerned about counterfeit bills, so typically $50 and $100, US or Canadian, are rarely accepted and there are signs to this effect. This story takes place on a July 4. Exchange rates [generally quite unfavorable] are posted in case they use USD.)

    Box Office Box Office Attendant: “Your total is $25 for 2 tickets.”

    Customer: “Can you break this $100(USD)?”

    Box Office Attendant: “I’m sorry; sir, but we cannot accept bills of that denomination. Do you have anything smaller?”

    Customer: “No, and no one takes them. What can I do?”

    Box Office Attendant: “You could take it to a bank and exchange it for Canadian.”

    Customer: “How? Banks are closed today.”

    Box Office Attendant: “Why would they be closed?”

    Customer: “It’s a holiday!”

    Box Office Attendant: “July 4th is not a holiday in Canada, sir. Today is a regular weekday.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t celebrate Independence Day! Why don’t you?”

    Box Office Attendant: “That’s your holiday; we have Canada Day on July 1. Banks are closed that day.”

    Customer: “It would be lot easier if you followed our holidays.”

    Box Office Attendant: “We’ll keep that in mind. Perhaps you have a credit card?”

    Should Have Taken A Different Rhode

    | Newport, RI, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (I live and work in a popular tourist town on an island. We provide boat tours around the bay between the island and the mainland. A woman comes up to me.)

    Woman: “How do you know when you cross state lines during the tour if you’re on the water?”

    Me: “Well, our tours don’t leave the bay, so we don’t encounter that situation.”

    Woman: “You don’t cross state lines?”

    Me: “No, we don’t.”

    Woman: “Well, what’s that then?”

    (She points at the mainland in the distance.)

    Me: “That’s Providence, ma’am, and right across the bay is Jamestown.”

    Woman: “No, no. What state is it?”

    Me: “It’s still Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “No, it can’t be. What state is it?”

    Me: “I assure you, it’s still Rhode Island. Providence is the capital city.”

    Woman: “How can the capital city of Rhode Island be outside of Rhode Island?”

    Me: “It isn’t. All the land you see across the water is still Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “But that’s impossible!”

    (Suddenly I realize why she’s confused.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the island we’re on right now is called Aquidneck Island. Rhode Island is a state comprised of several different islands and a large mainland. Providence is on the mainland and Jamestown is on Conanicut Island, which I assure you is still a part of Rhode Island.”

    Woman: “You mean we’re not on Rhode Island?”

    Me: “We are IN Rhode Island, but we are currently ON Aquidneck Island.”

    Woman: “Well, that’s just false advertisement!”

    Starter For Ten

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bizarre, Time

    (I have worked for four years in a tourist trap, which opensevery day at 10 am… Even so, most staff are obligated to report by 8:30 am. I am in the front one morning when a guest wanders in.)

    Woman: “Three, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t open until ten.”

    Woman: “What? No, the website states that you open at nine.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid not. We are not open.”

    Woman: “Are you callin’ me a liar?”

    A Giant Wave Of Ignorance

    | Seward, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (We do glacier and whale watching cruises. On this day, there has been a tsunami alert, although it later turned out to be a false alarm. The alarm horns are sounding all over the waterfront.)

    Me: “This is the tsunami warning system. I need everyone to drop what you’re doing and evacuate uphill to the high school. There are evacuation route signs posted under the street signs.”

    Customer: “Can you explain this tour to me?”

    Me: “Sir, we are evacuating.”

    Customer: “Can I just wait by the docks until you all come back?”

    Me: “There is a tsunami alarm sounding. You need to get to high ground.”

    Customer: “But, when the tsunami is over, will you be running more tours?”

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